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Original poster

What should we take to this party?

27 replies

mynameiscalypso · 23/09/2023 12:27

My DS has just started Reception and we have the first class party this afternoon for one of his new friends. The invite says explicitly to just bring ourselves and no presents. I shouldn't talks a gift right? Should I take a card? Should I put a fiver in the card?

I don't know any of the other parents yet and don't want to commit a faux pas that is going to stick with me/DS for the next 7 years...

OP posts:
Redlarge · 23/09/2023 12:35

Yeah a fiver in a card

Findyourneutralspace · 23/09/2023 12:42

Yeah, I’d pop a fiver in a card

Whyohwhyohwhy123 · 23/09/2023 12:44

Yes £5 in a card, in fact that’s what I’ll be doing for all parties in future much easier..

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Original poster
mynameiscalypso · 23/09/2023 12:45

Excellent, thank you all. I feel most comfortable with that I think and so it's good to have other people say they'd do the same.

OP posts:
ReeseWitherfork · 23/09/2023 12:46

Fiver in a card is good. Or you could text the parent; assume there is an RSVP on the invite. “Are you sure child doesn’t want a gift? Nothing she’s into?” They may very well be saying to because they don’t want to buy 30 gifts themselves over the year.

MNetcurtains · 23/09/2023 12:48

ReeseWitherfork · 23/09/2023 12:46

Fiver in a card is good. Or you could text the parent; assume there is an RSVP on the invite. “Are you sure child doesn’t want a gift? Nothing she’s into?” They may very well be saying to because they don’t want to buy 30 gifts themselves over the year.

This and/or they don't want to lug a bunch of presents home.

Original poster
mynameiscalypso · 23/09/2023 12:48

Yeah, it's a party in a local park so I can see that having loads of presents there isn't really practical.

OP posts:
sunglassesonthetable · 23/09/2023 12:49

Well it does SAY no presents.

Why would you then take a present? 🤷‍♀️
I would take it on face value.

People don't watch what you bring, you're over thinking this a bit I think. I know you want to get it right but you're not under a spotlight.

The only faux pas you could make that perhaps would be remembered would be if you were too loud, smuggled in alcohol, had a fight with someone or I don't know, demanded more party bags.

Doing what it says on the invitation. Totally fine. Hope he enjoys it OP.

Original poster
mynameiscalypso · 23/09/2023 12:50

sunglassesonthetable · 23/09/2023 12:49

Well it does SAY no presents.

Why would you then take a present? 🤷‍♀️
I would take it on face value.

People don't watch what you bring, you're over thinking this a bit I think. I know you want to get it right but you're not under a spotlight.

The only faux pas you could make that perhaps would be remembered would be if you were too loud, smuggled in alcohol, had a fight with someone or I don't know, demanded more party bags.

Doing what it says on the invitation. Totally fine. Hope he enjoys it OP.

I know, I'm totally overthinking it aren't I? Although I'm now quite tempted to swing from a bottle of wine during the party and see how the other parents react 😂

OP posts:
Needmorelego · 23/09/2023 12:51

Even a fiver in a card could be awkward because then they may feel they have to do the same thing back and they haven't got lots of spare cash and can't afford a fiver every time a party comes up.
(that could be why the party is in a park)
Take a card and some party food like a packet of Jaffa Cakes or something.

pizzaHeart · 23/09/2023 12:55

I think if the invite says no present you shouldn’t take a present, just a card. There might be a lot of reasons why they don’t want presents and one of them that a party is going to be quite low key for financial reasons.

Whataretheodds · 23/09/2023 12:56

I don't think anyone who explicitly says 'no presents' on an invitation can expecting you to turn up with something.

Original poster
mynameiscalypso · 23/09/2023 12:57

@Needmorelego That's a very fair point. I'm not sure it's so much of a consideration here (the party may be in the park but it's pretty fancy and being catered for both children and adults which seems crazy to me but each to their own!) but it's a good reminder as I'm sure some of the other families would have that concern. An frankly, I would too given there are over 40 kids in his class!

OP posts:
ReeseWitherfork · 23/09/2023 12:59

Based on what you’ve described, I suspect they just don’t want to end up with forty £5-£10 presents? Which let’s face it, can often be complete crap that a parent has just felt compelled to buy. Especially as you don’t know the child and can’t tailor it to their preferences.

sunglassesonthetable · 23/09/2023 13:09

Whatever the reason the parents have chosen to write 'NO Presents ' I don't see what more they could do really.

Also text each parent " no we really meant it".?

I heard of a great thing at one school, sadly not ours.

'Pound in a Card' - Invites would say '£1 in a card only please' Parents would sellotape a coin into the card and Birthday child would end up with 10 -30 quid ( or whatever) to spend on their choice of one thing they actually wanted. And all parents were spared the expense of endless birthday parties. And also piles of more unwanted tut for Birthday Child. Win win.

VisionsOfSplendour · 23/09/2023 13:22

pizzaHeart · 23/09/2023 12:55

I think if the invite says no present you shouldn’t take a present, just a card. There might be a lot of reasons why they don’t want presents and one of them that a party is going to be quite low key for financial reasons.

For some reason every time this comes up most posters weirdly seem to think that the party host isn't a grown adult who knows their own mind, oh no, they must ignore a ridiculously easy to comply with instruction and impose their own need to give a gift.

Maybe someone can explain to me why you would think a perfectly clear request should be ignored?

Original poster
mynameiscalypso · 23/09/2023 13:24

For the avoidance of doubt, I wasn't ever going to take a present! Not least because the party is in an hour and we don't have anything to give them.

OP posts:
TropicalTrama · 23/09/2023 13:25

They’ve said no presents. To not listen would be a faux pas! And that includes giving money. I’d just give a card. Get DC to draw them a picture in it. Job done.

sunglassesonthetable · 23/09/2023 13:41

For the avoidance of doubt, I wasn't ever going to take a present! Not least because the party is in an hour and we don't have anything to give them.

Don't forget the wine OP! 😁😉 Enjoy

Thebigblueballoon · 23/09/2023 13:48

Book voucher in a card?

pizzaHeart · 23/09/2023 14:27

VisionsOfSplendour · 23/09/2023 13:22

For some reason every time this comes up most posters weirdly seem to think that the party host isn't a grown adult who knows their own mind, oh no, they must ignore a ridiculously easy to comply with instruction and impose their own need to give a gift.

Maybe someone can explain to me why you would think a perfectly clear request should be ignored?

Show quote history

Obviously by “you” in your question you mean OP, not me?
just checking…

VisionsOfSplendour · 23/09/2023 14:40

pizzaHeart · 23/09/2023 14:27

Obviously by “you” in your question you mean OP, not me?
just checking…

Show quote history

I mean people who aren't you and me, those who think the instruction should be ignored, maybe I didn't word it well. I agree with you.

DailySnail · 23/09/2023 14:43

I literally just had a scenario but from the parents point of view. My daughter had a birthday party and I told people not to bring gifts because we were about to move out of the country. And even if we weren't she has so many gifts and toys already. I'd rather kids just came and had fun playing the games that we had set up and that was the end of it.

Original poster
mynameiscalypso · 23/09/2023 16:54

Well, for those that are interested, I estimate that half of the party guests brought presents. There were three big boxes filled with them by the end. I also didn't need to bring my own wine because there was plenty on offer.

OP posts:
sunglassesonthetable · 23/09/2023 17:40

You didn't neck a couple did you OP? And start a fight 😉?

Did you feel awkward without a present?

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