I have a friend I've became much closer to since lockdown as part of a group that really stayed in touch. We have loads in common, and she is a warm, smart and generous person who comes up with endless fun things for us and the group to do. She loves being the one to choose where we should all go, which some find a little overbearing but which I actually enjoy as a break from making decisions.
She is also a good listener in the sense that you can have a great rant with her on an issue of shared interest, or have a moan about a problem you're having with someone/something else.
There are a few things that are less great. She is the biggest interrupter I have ever known, to the point where people laugh affectionately about it behind her back (but rarely challenge her, although I have seen someone get properly annoyed about it once). Secondly, sometimes she just stops listening if you're talking about something she's not interested in- so you finish your point and wait for a response and she either totally changes the subject or doesn't respond at all.
And thirdly, she never, ever thinks she's wrong- either on issues of fact, or when she has occasionally said or done something I've found hurtful. Now this is the one where I struggle most, because I rise to it- especially when I'm feeling talked down to on something I think I know better than she does.
This comes up quite often because of our jobs- mine involves having specialised in a few subjects for ~20 years, and they've recently (last 5 years) become more relevant to her world, so she's really getting into them- though obviously not in the same depth or breadth, and not full-time.
So she initially found me a useful resource to help her understand them, and to put her in touch with some key contacts, which I was happy to do- but somehow it now feels a little like I've outlived my usefulness. I now find if I disagree with her on any of it, she'll start "explaining" things to me that I studied or knew about before she'd ever heard of them, or she'll tell me to listen to so-and-so (who I probably put her in touch with or whose work I at least already know about) instead of respecting the fact I have my own view based on quite a lot of experience. I'll often point out that I do know what I'm talking about, and she'll react with irritation, and then things get tense. This happens both in person and when messaging.
And of course sometimes she'll do the interrupting or stopping-listening on top...!
There is no point me trying to talk to her about this separately from when we're having a disagreement- in my experience she just wouldn't be receptive to the idea of her doing anything differently.
This isn't a AIBU or me trying to consider whether to stay friends - she's a wonderful friend in many ways and nobody is perfect. In fact it's my own reactions I want to improve- I'm not the most conflict-averse person(!) and I really want to get better at not rising to it, the way other friends in the group seem able to do.
Has anyone been able to teach themselves strategies for this? Is it as basic as counting to ten before responding, which I never seem to manage...?
Thanks if you got this far!