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Reception starters

7 replies

Vestisbest · 23/09/2023 08:23

Is anyone else’s reception started struggling with life at the moment?

My DS is midway through the year, 4.5. He was in the school nursery doing half days for a year before. He took a few weeks to settle there but then seemed to enjoy it, made a couple of little friends, had a great report. He is shy and sensitive, and clingy, always has been. He’s never been easy to leave, and slow to warm up.

He’s really struggling since starting reception. He’s with a few of his friends from the nursery class and one of the TAs who he loved, so plenty of familiar faces. He’s been crying before school, crying at drop off, crying at school (not all day but a good few wobbles), and not wanting to get involved in anything at school, just sitting down alone.

He’s doing a few little activities outside of school, which he did last year (swimming, gymnastics, football) and each one is a battle. Moaning beforehand, not wanting to join in. I know people will say ditch the activities but he is almost always like this at the start and settles, it’s just so painful. And I don’t think waiting would make a difference - if we restarted the activities in a year he would still be clingy and shy and it’d be made worse by the other children being more confident and able having done them for a year (large cohorts of kids from his school do the clubs).

Don’t know how to handle it other than early nights, and loads of downtime to do what he wants when we’re home which I’m doing, and other than the activities (one x 45 minutes session each weekend morning) we’re not making any other plans. He doesn’t want to talk at all - he’s never been good at talking when things are calm about his feelings, almost like he’s embarrassed.

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Pizzalover46 · 23/09/2023 08:30

I have a little one a bit like this. The not wanting to talk really resonates. I found ready books about worrying, being shy, being brave etc etc really helped. I found when reading the books I could point out scenarios that linked to her own behaviours (being scared to start school, being shy etc). Just by pointing it out she would then open up and talk to me about how she felt as I wasn't outright asking her. From there I was able to help her work through her feelings and repeat some advice right before saying goodbye at the school gates. She was so proud when she came out the first day saying she'd been brave by saying hello to someone - a huge achievement for her. Lots of praise for doing so well and she's like a different child a few weeks on.

gogomoto · 23/09/2023 08:35

It's still September, some take time. I'd also suggest that weekday extra activities might be just too much at the moment - some kids cope fine but others just need the first year at school without additional activities in the evenings and weekends, my dd2 actually napped from 4-5pm each day after school. 3 extra activities is a lot.

My friend is a child minder and her new starters tend to curl up on the sofa rather than play for the first few weeks

Vestisbest · 23/09/2023 08:45

Thanks @Pizzalover46 , do you remember the names of any of the books? I’ll definitely try some books. Lots of praise too like you say, good tip thanks. A few times DS has come out and proudly announced that he didn’t cry today and I did praise at the time but maybe I should do more!

Thanks @gogomoto yes I agree, it’s only swimming he has on a week night (which is a Friday so far from ideal, but it’s my day off so the only night we could fit it in really and it’s the same time as his sibling’s lesson so like gold dust!) and the others are on weekend mornings, only 45 minutes and then giving him the rest of the day. Bless your DD napping. DS never naps but he is tired, he cries on the way home from school a lot because he doesn’t want to walk or ride his bike (it’s less than a mile) so we’ve agreed we’ll put him on the back of my bike or drive him some days.

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Pizzalover46 · 23/09/2023 09:01

These are the ones I bought (spent a small fortune on Amazon!) and they had them at her nursery too:
www.brownsbfs.co.uk/Product/Dealing-With-Feeling-Collection---8-Books/9781398207158#

I also bought this one and a 'kind' one from tesco at the time:

www.wob.com/en-gb/books/sarah-ward/brave/9780655212744?cq_src=google_ads&cq_cmp=18082217234&cq_con=&cq_med=pla&cq_plac=&cq_net=x&gclid=CjwKCAjwmbqoBhAgEiwACIjzEBbCYWAbj4E0i-TpVXcWmCg6cUb-9ht7j5z5zmUDG1OPCq4mdw1FKhoCIDAQAvD_BwE#GOR012185017

It sounds like you're doing the right things though, it's awful seeing them so upset but I suppose it just takes time and it's up to us to help them navigate. Bless their hearts!

Sartre · 23/09/2023 10:03

My DD was like this so I sympathise. Weirdly she is now 12 and is the most sociable and confident of all my DC but when she was small, she was super clingy. She was so bad she wouldn’t go to birthday parties, she’d tell me she really wanted to go so I’d buy a card and gift and make the effort to get there then she’d break down in tears and wouldn’t go inside. Every time I dropped her off at school it was a major battle getting her through the doors, even as late as year 3… Like I say though, she did outgrow it eventually and is now the most confident of all my DC.

SunnieShine · 23/09/2023 10:10

Pizzalover46 · 23/09/2023 08:30

I have a little one a bit like this. The not wanting to talk really resonates. I found ready books about worrying, being shy, being brave etc etc really helped. I found when reading the books I could point out scenarios that linked to her own behaviours (being scared to start school, being shy etc). Just by pointing it out she would then open up and talk to me about how she felt as I wasn't outright asking her. From there I was able to help her work through her feelings and repeat some advice right before saying goodbye at the school gates. She was so proud when she came out the first day saying she'd been brave by saying hello to someone - a huge achievement for her. Lots of praise for doing so well and she's like a different child a few weeks on.

That's so lovely her coming out of school all proud and smiley because she was brave and said hello to everyone.

Would you mind giving her a hug from me?

Signed
A formerly shy child who wishes she had had a mum like that

Vestisbest · 23/09/2023 10:22

Thanks all, really helpful and reassuring knowing it’s not just my little DS! My nephew is similarly sensitive so I think we definitely have a sensitive, shy gene. I was a pretty shy child too. My eldest is so different so I never had tears at drop off with them!

He just did really well at his little football activity, joined in really bravely and got involved. So proud of him and he’s had lots of praise.

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