What do I say when my parents argue

[Middaysupervisory]

My parents are 62 and 73 and have been married for 40 odd years they generally get on well, dad doesn't have much patience a lot these days anyway today there at my house doing DIY they had an argument over something in my shed before you know it my mum comes storming inside
" i can't f###ing live with him no more he treats me like shit, he talks to me like shit. He argues and is such hard work , you don't know what I have to put up with by him ect ect.

I find it really hard to listen to and it upsets me to hear them argue- dad has a big health issue at the moment.
I don't even know what to say in response.
I managed to get them to make up dad apologised, my mum walked away from him as he apologises still rambling how shit he treats her ect ect

I've been thinking about it all evening

I ended up asking them to postpone the bickering until after I'd left and just be civil to each other for an hour or two...
Yeah I had to ask twice.
SIGH

All you need to say is "I don't need this bickering in my life. Your relationship is your problem not mine" and turn/walk away.

I just ignore them and refuse to engage with it. "Leave me out of it" is all you need to say.

I managed to get them to make up Don't do this, if they want to argue they're allowed to. If you don't want to be around the arguing the best thing is to leave.

It could be awful for one or other of them - is it possible your mum is correct in what she says?

It sounds tough but also it's their marriage, unless someone is behaving very badly what can you do?

It sounds like she’s reached the end of her tether with him. I know it’s hard but all you can do is tell them that you love them both but you have no intention of getting involved in the issues in their marriage.

Do you live with them? If not, walk away when they do this.
My parents used to try to use me as a go-between and would complain about each other to me. It’s exhausting and completely unfair on you. If your mother wants a divorce she can get one. If they want counselling they can get it. If they just want to use you to direct their frustration at, you don’t have to let them.

"YOU chose to marry each other and YOU are choosing to stay together. If you don't want to stay together, then DON'T! I am happy to see you together or see you individually. But I am NOT going to be the piggy in the middle in your arguments!"

Stand up and say “Right… I don’t want to hear this. I’m going for a walk/to the shop/out.”

All that saying you refuse to get involved is okay but what if Dad is changing due to beginning to develop dementia for instance. I think it is such a simplistic way of viewing things to say their marriage, their problem.

Can you catch up with your mum at a time your dad isn't there and find out more about what is going on? Like a PP, is he showing early signs of dementia? There's a decade age gap between your parents which often might not be noticeable but, if he is having a health scare, especially if he's showing signs of dementia on top, that age gap might be very obvious suddenly and your mum might be conscious and scared about what the next few years might have in store.

@letmesailletmesail mum is definitely noticing the age gap more she says now. But she was the one who at 20 something fell in love with him and apparently my grandparents told her at the time about what it'll be like when she's older. She often says his getting dementia but then she can be just as bad as him forgetfulness. Patience. Behaviour ect

So the option to walk away is always available. But if you want to support your mum, talk to her on her own as much as possible. Does she really want to leave him? Does he really have memory problems? If so, it is worth getting into a memory clinic and getting tested.