Expectation of woman and men.

Losttrackofmynames · 2023-09-22T16:42:59+00:00

I know this is not always the case. But why is so much expected of woman. Alot of woman hold down full time/part time jobs plus look after the children and the partner. He gets in from work 5pm for example . The woman cooks for the family cleans up. Sorts the children etc. He does nothing his day stops at 5 pm . Wheres her day starts at say 6am and finishes at 11pm . But even then she could have to get up to the children in the night. Then the other situation where the mum may not work . But she's looking after children all day . And keeping the house ticking over. Again doing all the family meals. Again her day starts at 6am finishes 11pm but including waking in the night. Again the partners day finishes at 5pm . Honestly this broke me when I was with my ex. I realised it came from his mother she waits on him hand and foot. When I tried to bring it up that i was struggling. I was shamed that I only worked part time, at the time. It was a long time ago now. But it always made me feel small. And his needs mattered more than mine. Its really made me make sure that my boys do stuff they can for themselves. Like scrape their plates put in dishwasher. Make a basic snack. Bring their washing down etc. At nanny's/ex house nanny does everything. I'm just happy they don't seem to resent me for getting them to do stuff for themselves. Is it common or was I just unlucky.

Ididivfama · 22/09/2023 17:44

I don’t know how common it is but women should not accept it. Luckily my husband isn’t like that but his dad cooks and cleans so maybe that’s why.

FFSWhatToDoNow · 22/09/2023 17:45

Doesn’t happen in my house.

there’a not many tasks need a penis or vagina to do them, so every job is shared in our family.

Hubblebubble · 22/09/2023 17:47

To be honest, I'd go even further in the same direction if I were you. My 3 year old helps me with the cooking by chopping things with kid safe knives and grating cheese. If your kids are older, then teach them how to make proper meals and give them the responsibility of cooking once a week.

Teach them how to not just bring down their laundry, but stick it in the washing machine with powder, take it out, hang it up etc.

TedMullins · 22/09/2023 18:13

I really don’t know how people end up in these situations. Yes, there are expectations and stereotypes but you don’t have to adhere to them or date men who expect all that of their partner. Start as you mean to go on early in the relationship before you have kids - don’t wait on and clean up after a useless man. I dated a misogynist once who thought I should do more cleaning. I laughed at him and said he knew were the rubber gloves were. Then (for many other reasons) I left him. Women, here in the western world at least, have a choice in who to have relationships with, what their boundaries are, and what to do/not to do in terms of domestic labour.

theduchessofspork · 22/09/2023 18:16

It’s still quite common I think, and there’s no excuse for it.

Depending how old your boys are, they could probably be doing a bit more?

Original poster

Losttrackofmynames · 22/09/2023 18:19

Hubblebubble · 22/09/2023 17:47

To be honest, I'd go even further in the same direction if I were you. My 3 year old helps me with the cooking by chopping things with kid safe knives and grating cheese. If your kids are older, then teach them how to make proper meals and give them the responsibility of cooking once a week.

Teach them how to not just bring down their laundry, but stick it in the washing machine with powder, take it out, hang it up etc.

My younger ones are 7&8 they can make sandwiches. Do their own cereal. The 8 year old has autism and needs quite a bit of guiding. Tidy their room hoover etc. And yeah they can put their washing I'm the machine. But not the detergent and starting it.

The older ones do their washing, can cook meals. Etc I still have to kick butt though. But we get there I think that's just typical teen though.

OP posts:

WhateverMate · 22/09/2023 18:23

You can only be a doormat if you lie down and allow people to wipe their feet on you.

This is why I divorced my ex and yet because he did so much more than his utterly useless dad, he thought he did more than his fair share 🙄

Original poster

Losttrackofmynames · 22/09/2023 18:24

TedMullins · 22/09/2023 18:13

I really don’t know how people end up in these situations. Yes, there are expectations and stereotypes but you don’t have to adhere to them or date men who expect all that of their partner. Start as you mean to go on early in the relationship before you have kids - don’t wait on and clean up after a useless man. I dated a misogynist once who thought I should do more cleaning. I laughed at him and said he knew were the rubber gloves were. Then (for many other reasons) I left him. Women, here in the western world at least, have a choice in who to have relationships with, what their boundaries are, and what to do/not to do in terms of domestic labour.

I kind of agree. But often men don't show their true colours till after having children. Or they have their feet under the table. Many people don't realise thru choose the wrong partner till later. Hence separations /deforce

OP posts:

MrsPinkSky · 22/09/2023 18:29

Losttrackofmynames · 22/09/2023 18:24

I kind of agree. But often men don't show their true colours till after having children. Or they have their feet under the table. Many people don't realise thru choose the wrong partner till later. Hence separations /deforce

Show quote history

I disagree about children. They'll show their true colours after the first child, but a lot of the time women will go on to have more kids with him because 'he's an amazing dad' 🙄

GodDammitCecil · 22/09/2023 18:33

Some women set themselves up for failure - get together with a man or move in with one, and want to be the perfect ‘wife’ and so do things for him, and/or keep the house really clean. It’s an exciting novelty - but then it becomes the norm, and then onto taken for granted. And the novelty has well and truly worn off.

ClearThisUp · 22/09/2023 18:59

Well luckily dating isin’t compulsory.
Single life is really great, liberating and healthy.

There has been a lot of news, studies, polls and stories how more and more women are choosing to be single, celibate and childfree.
And that they are the happiest demographic for it.

So men may be shit.
But at least more women are bow voting with their feet and turning their back on conventional lifestyle.

So, at least there’s that, right!

ACertainKindOfLight · 22/09/2023 19:15

The mistake women make is expecting men to think and act like them, in an ideal world yes, in reality no.
My Mum had the right idea, she refused to work once she had children. She told my Dad she might as well live on her own if she had to go out to work as well as do everything else. So my Dad was the bread winner and Mum looked after us and the house, l had a very calm happy upbringing. My Dad thought the absolute world of my Mum, he had so much respect for her, never said a bad word about her, and My Mum was happy and said she's glad she had us back then and not now.

GodDammitCecil · 22/09/2023 20:06

ACertainKindOfLight · 22/09/2023 19:15

The mistake women make is expecting men to think and act like them, in an ideal world yes, in reality no.
My Mum had the right idea, she refused to work once she had children. She told my Dad she might as well live on her own if she had to go out to work as well as do everything else. So my Dad was the bread winner and Mum looked after us and the house, l had a very calm happy upbringing. My Dad thought the absolute world of my Mum, he had so much respect for her, never said a bad word about her, and My Mum was happy and said she's glad she had us back then and not now.

I’m not really sure what that’s got to do with the OP?