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Original poster

Gift(s) for friend recovering from emergency bowel surgery?

24 replies

wheresmymojo · 22/09/2023 16:12

A friend has just messaged to say that she's in hospital recovering from major bowel surgery.

She didn't know anything was wrong but after severe stomach cramps ended up in A&E and has had part of her bowel removed with a tumour and a stoma fitted.

I don't know any more at this stage as to whether it was cancerous, etc.

A few of us are chipping in to send her something that will make her next few weeks a teeny tiny bit better or at least let her know we're thinking of her as she moved 200 miles away earlier in the year...

Obviously anything food/drink related probably out.

Has anyone got any experience of this kind of surgery?

What would you have liked to have received?

OP posts:
PollyAmour · 22/09/2023 16:20

Nice toiletries, especially body lotion, loungewear (top and trousers, not all in one), her favourite perfume if you know it.

IrresponsiblyCertainAboutSexualDimorphism · 22/09/2023 16:20

Really soft tissues. Lip salve. A range of ear plugs so she can work out which are the most comfortable. Eye mask with adjustable band.

Also audiobooks if you can gift them to her for her phone/tablet. When my DH was in HDU they really helped him detach and drift off.

ScentlessAprentice · 22/09/2023 16:25

I hope your friend is doing okay. I've had a recent hospital stay with bowel issues and interventions, it was long and boring. Books were very much appreciated (I know you say she's far away, you can order some online for delivery). And one thing I'd have absolutely loved is a "get well soon" card. Something with a thoughtful message to read and reread when the long boring nights after visiting hours were done became oppressive and lonely. Something to remind me that people care about me. The little things can be so important.

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General health
Trenda · 22/09/2023 16:26

My Friend had similar surgery and is now recovering well. The thing she was most sensitive when walking about following the stoma was the bulge where the bag is. No amount of telling her that it was invisible to me helped. She was and remains very aware of it and has changed her wardrobe to include looser tops and scarves etc.
So I buy her nice big scarves so that she has a range to choose from to match her clothes. They dont take up much room and are lovely in themselves.

wigglycactus · 22/09/2023 16:31

Something to try and keep her hands and mind a bit busy, maybe a simple little cross stitch or embroidery kit, and a puzzle book or something like that? I listen to lots of podcasts and audio books on my phone so the practical side of me would suggest maybe a powerbank and earphones, if she doesn't already have them.

ScentlessAprentice · 22/09/2023 16:32

Oh and I agree with @PollyAmour re the perfume. My Mum brought me some and it made me feel a bit more human.

Oh and DH brought a book of crossword puzzles and a nice pen, you could send those to your friend. It felt great to use my brain. And the nice pen just felt, well, nice I guess. A little luxury when life is all pyjamas and IVs and that hospital smell that seems to linger with you for months.

raspberrytart · 22/09/2023 16:35

I've recently had bowel surgery and things that helped me . Soft nighties, nothing that digs in around midriff / stoma area. Dressing gown, slippers all really soft, Decent hand cream, easy reading books, podcasts.
I set up a WhatsApp group for close friends and asked for dark humour and bad jokes and podcasts which got me through some tough times.
Ear plugs
Eye mask both essential for hospital.
I wish your friend a speedy recovery

Original poster
wheresmymojo · 22/09/2023 16:40

Great ideas, thanks Smile

How long did you have to stay in hospital for after the surgery?

I know it's a big surgery but I also know they like to move people on as soon as they can so wasn't sure how long to expect her to be there...

OP posts:
raspberrytart · 22/09/2023 16:57

I was in 6 days after my bowel resection.

raspberrytart · 22/09/2023 16:59

She will be encouraged to get out of bed the day after surgery and physio will have her walking little and often. The pain from trapped wind was horrendous, walking helps move things along as does peppermint tea. It's a horrible cpl days before the bowels settle down.

ScentlessAprentice · 22/09/2023 17:14

I had ten days, but I also had extra complications so I'm not a great example.

Yes, as @raspberrytart says, they will have her up and moving as soon as possible. Early ambulation is very much the approach now.

Just had a couple more ideas. Elizabeth Arden 8 Hour Cream, decent slippers, oh and arnica cream cos she's going to have some serious bruises from all the blood tests and IVs.

momager1 · 22/09/2023 17:16

I was in for 11 days after my resection. Stoma was temp and had to go back in to have it removed 4 months later and bowel reconnected. was in for 5 days that time. My biggest thing was when I was home from the major surgery, it was very hard to move and my husband had to work. What helped me most for the first week or so was friends dropping by just to make me a cuppa or bringing me a soup for my lunch. It was so very sore to get up and down.

Original poster
wheresmymojo · 22/09/2023 17:26

I wish I could do that but they moved from Surrey to the Midlands earlier this year so we're too far away Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
wheresmymojo · 22/09/2023 17:27

That being said they were able to pay their mortgage off and her partner is not working yet so thinking about it she'll have someone at home full time...

OP posts:
momager1 · 22/09/2023 17:28

oh shit. see she is 200 miles away! guess you cannot pop round to make a cuppa. Does she have a partner and if so will they be home for a few days to help her (took me about 4 days before I could do the stairs without crying) Otherwise.. yes to the very loose fitting nighties and maybe a nice water bottle with cover for when she is just sitting on sofa. Hot water bottle was my bestie. I had 68 external staples and over 80 internal stitches. Not a comfortable feeling. I also was an emerg situation. Thought I had an umbilical hernia for over 4 years!! was on a weight loss program as the best clinic in canada only deal with those at optimal weight. I had lost 40 of the 50 lbs they required and i just could not take the pain one night . It was not a hernia as the doctors at this "acclaimed private clinic" said. it was in fact a tumor the size of a grapefruit and it had killed 6 ft of bowel. I was in such a bad way that i would have been dead by morning if my husband had not insisted taking me in. My blood pressure and oxygen numbers were so low.. had I been able to fall asleep I would have been dead by morning. Entered hospital emerg at 2 am. In surgery by 5 am. It was horrible. Please give your friend my love from here in the Dominican Republic (we retired and moved this year!! )

momager1 · 22/09/2023 17:29

@wheresmymojo cross posted!

Original poster
wheresmymojo · 22/09/2023 19:40

Oh my @momager1

That's terrible re: the clinic. Both amazingly unlucky and amazingly lucky at the same time to still be with us!

OP posts:
momager1 · 23/09/2023 18:45

@ScentlessAprentice dear god the bruises!! my arms looked like I had been beaten!! also my stomach was bruised because of the daily injections of blood thinners. Worse thing I ever went thru but that was almost 18 months ago and I am happy and healthy. However. EVERY fucking time I have a tummy pain I go into panic mode. Hope you are doing well too, as I hope all who have gone through this surgery including OP's friend are also.

Bunnycat101 · 23/09/2023 19:08

A relative had bowel surgery and found the recovery incredibly hard. They were off normal food for a very long time so I think you’re right to steer clear of anything food/drink. I’d go with things that are comforting and cosy and maybe some magazines or things to read.

Wazzzzzuuuuuuup · 23/09/2023 19:15

Re the food and drink thing, if you were to go down this route there are plenty of things she can eat and drink, sweets and chocolates are generally in, as is anything low fibre. My family member was all over the mince pies when she was recovering from bowel surgery. She will need to adjust her diet and anything high fibre will be out as it causes high stoma output.

Otherwise a kindle preloaded with books if she is a reader. Some really lovely soft pjs, or a snuggly robe, or a lovely lavender scented pillow would be good gifts.

And just be her friend. Let her know you love her and will be there as she goes through this really difficult patch.

womanone · 23/09/2023 19:18

Suggest cheery books, I was in the gastro ward recently though in my case was fortunate in managing to avoid the bowel surgery on this occasion, and hospital was so boring, surreal and depressing, that cheery reading matter was invaluable.

I read A Street Cat Named Bob in hospital - was great and not too demanding, could be read in little bits in between meals, tests, naps etc!

Or if your friend likes eg women's magazines, that might be a nice treat to take her mind off things.

Agree with previous suggestions of loose, comfy nighties (make sure they're a dark colour in case anything leaks), slippers, dressing gown, hand cream, herbal tea, headphones, eye masks. These were my best gifts.

You sound like a kind friend.

Sourisblanche · 23/09/2023 19:20

This happened to my mum recently. Not toiletries as anything slightly perfumed can irritate the stoma, my mum uses toiletries recommended by the stoma nurse.

TBH it’s a long recovery so maybe a book for when she’s up to it or a scarf as suggested by a pp. My mum is very conscious of the bulge.

Destiny123 · 23/09/2023 19:23

Sucky sweets! My icu patients hugged me/cried when I secretly bought her werthers the first time was allowed to eat

KentishMama · 23/09/2023 19:29

I recently lent my neighbour my noise cancelling headphones for a hospital stay and she said they were the most useful thing and kept her sane on a busy ward.

Magazines, books, a nice scarf, are all good options too.

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