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Original poster

To have a 3rd baby or not?

11 replies

Jodelo · 22/09/2023 11:42

Hi,
so my kids are 7 and 5, always said I didn’t want a 3rd baby and neither did my partner. Now the kids are older we have a little more freedom, as in my mum will look after them and we get to go away for the weekend (twice this year). My mum will also have them to sleep once, twice a month.
Money wise at the moment we are quite comfortable.
Now my coil is due to be changed and my partner has brought up us trying for a 3rd baby!. I now can’t get the idea out of my head and im 50/50 on what we should do.
The more I try speak to him about it the more he says it’s my decision! He says he doesn’t want us to regret not having another, but also doesn’t want our 2 children to have to go without because we’ve chose to have another baby.
I’d like to think we could afford another baby but we’d have to cut back on holidays etc.
I’m rambling on a bit now but has anyone been in the same situation? Do I just be happy with what I’ve got or do I try for the 3rd baby? Is everyone who’s had a 3rd baby happy?

OP posts:

theduchessofspork · 22/09/2023 11:47

No !

The gap is too big, you will be pulled back into baby world as you are moving to a different phase. Life is much more complex and time consuming with kids at different phases - you will be racing all over the place and you won’t give any of them enough time. Your duty is to the kids you do have and to each other, overstretching your finances isn’t smart either. Three kids is a lot and you have to really want it - and that’s without the massive gap.

Lots of people have a moment of regret when babyhood is over. Just get a kitten.

mindandsensespurified · 22/09/2023 12:00

Following as my head keeps going there too OP even though I always said I'd stop at 2. Mine are a little younger but work circumstances mean I wouldn't be able to start TTC (if we were to go for it) for at least a year and neither of us are getting any younger. The sensible part of me says to just push the feelings down and they'll go away eventually, but then I worry that I might end up regretting it. Although I can't quite put my finger on why I might regret not having a 3rd as me and DH are both from 2 children families so the size of family we have is normal for us both 🤷‍♀️

DiaNaranja · 22/09/2023 12:06

I personally wouldn't with that age gap... Will make days out, holidays, everything so much harder to please them all. Plus, going back to that baby stage after so long out of it, I know I wouldn't cope very well at all... "music with mummy", softplay, baby sensory, all powered on little to no sleep, with puke, poo, and the haunting music of the jumperoo and Ewan the sheep, ingrained into my brain every moment of every say.. I'd personally rather stick pins in my eyes than do all that again, it's a distant memory now, and I'd like to keep it that way 😂

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DiaNaranja · 22/09/2023 12:08

And to your question, I don't personally have three, but everyone I know who has three looks eternally stressed out. A couple of close friends have admitted they wouldn't have done it if they knew how much harder it would be than with two. Obviously they wouldn't change things now they have their third that they love unconditionally, but if they'd known it would be the way it is, they wouldn't have done it!

Yesnomaybeok · 22/09/2023 12:11

No. You have two lovely children. Devote your time and money to them. The other two are close in age which is lovely.

HowcanIhelp123 · 22/09/2023 12:13

Your choice but if you just got freedom back I have no idea why you'd give it up again 😂. Your mum takes them because they're older and easier - she probably wouldn't be taking them so you could go away for weekend with a small baby or toddler to look after too! Same with sleep overs.

If you do decide to go for it be prepared for all eventualities. If you went for the third and screening showed abnormalities e.g. Down's Syndrome. What would you do? What if baby had other issues undetectable before birth? Cerebral palsy, severe autism etc? Your kids lives will change with a sibling in general - but you are not guaranteed a third healthy child.

Maggierhee1 · 22/09/2023 12:17

Do it. Embrace the chaos!

Original poster

Jodelo · 22/09/2023 12:19

Thank you! I needed them answers. If my partner had never brought it up I’d of never thought about having a 3rd so I think I’ll be staying a mum of 2

OP posts:

oioicheeky · 22/09/2023 12:31

theduchessofspork · 22/09/2023 11:47

No !

Lots of people have a moment of regret when babyhood is over. Just get a kitten.

I think this sums it up.

thecatsthecats · 22/09/2023 12:37

You know all those threads where people have three kids and are wound up about money and juggling too many activities, and posters ask "well, why did you have three", and other posters say "well duh, she can't send one back?"

Well you can choose not to be one of those who has three, or you can promise not to come back and ask how people cope etc.

I second the proposal that you get a kitten. They never have football practice or need new shoes.

raspberryjuiceandpompoms · 07/02/2024 21:32

You have to be really really certain that you want to have a 3rd. It’s infinitely more stressful and difficult - holidays, school, play dates and after school clubs. Yes, a little cherub is always a blessing but you finally have your freedom back now. Do you really want to go back to newborn stage? Toddler stage? All whilst your other two still need you. In order to stop myself from wanting a third I always imagine having 3 poorly kids in the house 😵‍💫🥴

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