Autism in girls

[FrenchFancie]

Possibly not the right place for this, but I can’t figure out the right place as the ND board seems to be for ND people rather than parents with a query….

anyway, school has raised the issue that DD (about to turn 11) might have ASD - apparently they fee she is struggling more now she’s gone into year 6 and the demands placed on her are greater. She’s very bright and academically able, but has always struggled a bit with the social side of school and friendship issues - we move schools last year due to a house move and now she’s taken a long long time to get a good group of friends.

anyway, this is all new to us and I’m struggling to find relevant information - most things on autism seem to talk about Things that don’t apply to her, such as lack of eye contact and mutism (she rarely has problems expressing herself! Frequently at great length and in detail).

can anyone point me in the direction of good reliable information about autism in girls? Has anyone got experience of this being raised at a late age (last year of primary) as I thought it was usually picked up around the age of 3 or 4? I’m really not sure how to best support Dd with this - do we tell her the schools suspicions? Tell her that she’s going to be asssessed or just say ‘here’s some people for you to talk to!’.

and if anyone knows a better place for this post could you let me know? I’ve done a search and nothing seems to quite fit!

Yes you are not allowed to post on the ND board as a parent I was told off for doing this. I’ve found some great groups on Facebook. I can’t help any more than that dd is autistic but she’s severely autistic, was known from age 2 she was put on the pathway so my experience will be different but there are some good groups on Facebook that have been very helpful to me

Have a look at Autistic Girls Network https://autisticgirlsnetwork.org/about/] set up by an autistic woman Cathy Wassell, they also have a Facebook group that's great for support.

I was going to say the Girls Autistic Network too. My dd ticks about every box. And totally different from male presentation. This is why she was diagnosed late at 16.

Dhe akways maintained eye contact. Was friendly, talked really early and never lined things up. She was interested in fashion and music, not trains or maths.

DD is 15 and thinks she might be autistic so we've just started to the process to get her assessed.

I can't really tell if she is, it hadn't occurred to me as everything she listed as an issue is completely normal for our household. Although saying that it has been pointed out to me several times that me and DH have various ASD symptoms so maybe we all are.

My daughter is autistic, diagnosed at 10. I always knew she was but it's not immediately obvious to other people as she's done a pretty good job of masking it. It appears as if she gives eye contact but she tells me that she focuses on a spot on the bridge of my nose - I honestly would not have known until she told me that, so other people will still believe she's giving eye contact.
She did line things up as a younger child but this would always be within the context of the game she played. So she'd have a queue of people going onto an aeroplane or whatever. All very subtle presentation.
It's really helpful to have a diagnosis and we now encourage her to unmask at home so she can let loose and be herself.
She has mostly preferred the company of boys for friends and has struggled with the complexities of girl friendships. She's recently started secondary school and chose one that she felt would better support her needs - even though that meant being away from her friends. I absolutely agree with her choice and think she's so brave to make that decision. I'm supporting her to make friends in this school as she just doesn't know how to do it - but she's getting there.
We were really up front with her about having an autism assessment and I think once we told her we were starting that pathway, the relief for her was palpable, it gave her some deep insight into who she is and she had more confidence to be authentic rather than mask.
I really did want her to have a diagnosis in place before secondary school so she'd get the right support. If your daughter is in year 6, I wouldn't hesitate to get the ball rolling now. x

Have a look at this OP and see if it sounds familiar
https://autisticgirlsnetwork.org/keeping-it-all-inside.pdf

My DD was diagnosed in year 6. She has what would have been considered a Aspergers profile historically, very academically able but has some social and emotional support needs. We went private due to long waiting list here, and she was diagnosed within three months after two consultations and the neuro-developmental paediatrician going into school to observe her there.
The whole process has been really positive for my daughter and also for us as a family as we can for better understand and support her, the diagnosis has been validating for her, and she no longer feels that she is “wrong”
i’m a mental health professional and I’ve educated myself lots on autism in girls particularly, I’d recommend “the autistic advocate” who offers training to the public including parents and has lived experience. The book “unmasking autism” and “untypical” are good and both current, some of the older books are outdated now.

my daughter is now in year 8 of secondary school, and having the diagnosis has meant that we’ve been able to manage transition really well and any support needs moving to a much bigger school, and so far she is thriving emotionally as well as academically.

I have autism and lack of eye contact is not mine infact the opposite and people think I'm staring when in reality most of the time I'm looking thru them zoned out hardly aware. You need to get to drs and get a proper diagnosis there are so many kinds of autisms now on the spectrum

I found the Limpsfield Grange School website useful when DD was referred for assessment at a similar age.

https://limpsfieldgrange.co.uk/about-us/information/

If you click on the purple link buttons for ASC tools and parental support there are loads of resources and further links.

My dd is the same, a year younger than yours. You'd never know unless you know her really well as she's a super masker. It's becoming more apparent now she's older and school are referring for assessment but it's 3 year wait in my area.

There's quite a bit of information online if you research specifically about autism in girls.

I'd recommend the 'Parents of Autistic Girls' group on Facebook too. Good luck

To add DD was seen 2 years after referral and she does now have a diagnosis. It has really been a help to her as she has progressed in secondary school. She was very resistant at first to having a diagnosis due to the stigma of being seen as different by her peers. Now she is older she has accepted that she is who she is more and it has helped her to understand and embrace who she is. She has a more positive outlook now and focuses on her strengths. It has also helped her peer relationships to open up about her diagnosis and she has made friends who accept her for who she is. It has also helped her get greater understanding and support from her teachers, particularly around helping her focus and concentration and being allowed to the toilet during lesson times if required.

It is quite common for girls to be diagnosed in secondary or later.

Yes, tell DD. I doubt she would be satisfied with you saying “here’s some people for you to talk to!’ anyway.

Have a look at SN Chat, SN Children or SEN board.

Just to add to this, I posted about my dd under a name change before and had lots of useful responses from parents with autistic girls. It's long but may be worth a read - Dd9 suspect ASD - could do with some opinions! www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/4725800-dd9-suspect-asd-could-do-with-some-opinions

My daughter is 5 and has been referred to camhs for an asd assessment. It was a total shock to me as she doesn't have any of the signs I personally would have looked for. She's very affectionate, great eye contact, sociable. But the school said to me they really think she has asd and I suppose they would know better than me as they see so many children.
It does present so differently in girls apparently. In fact when i read up about it i kinda think i also might have it. I really struggled in school i felt like an alien.
glad they pick it up in girls now days much better than they used to

I have a DS with ASD, rather than a DD, but he also doesn’t present in the “typical” ways you might expect (though there really is no typical when it comes to ASD).
Like a PP, he more fits the Asperger’s profile. Most people find it very surprising that he has ASD - but his impairments are around coping with change, sensory issues, understanding social dynamics (he also has ADHD).
We only learned this quite recently - he’d been flagged as “different” from a young age, but only received his diagnoses in Y5. No one had ever suggested ASD or ADHD to me before this point (and I really knew very little about them).

I can recommend the Witherslack group for lots of resources around understanding ASD - they have some very helpful free webinars.

Thanks for all of this, it’s really helpful. I had a look at some of the info, certainly some of the behaviours Dd has are listed there - like deep interests, like reading. I hadn’t realised that could count. She’s very articulate but always speaks on quite an adult level - and always has done

i think given the waiting times we will look at getting her privately assessed - fortunately DH has very good private healthcare through his job and we think it might be covered.I’m just aware that she might find the transition to secondary very difficult so it’s probably better not to wait for so long, if we can avoid it.

thanks so much for everyone’s help!

Yes with girls their special interests can often manifest as stereotypical 'girly' interests such as reading, fashion etc, so often gets missed. My dd's are soft toys and Hello Kitty!

I'd recommend looking for a place which specialises in assessing girls with autism if you're going private. Lorna Wing in Essex is one of the best, but I'd also recommend Axia in Chester if you're based up north.

These helpful links for us thanks everyone
Mine are younger but I’d agree it’s got to be worth looking into it before secondary begins if you can.

Hi any updates on your DD ?