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Sad when life is going well

9 replies

the7Vabo · 22/09/2023 07:00

Hi all,

Ive been struggling with severe anxiety for almost a decade.
I was walking home from work yesterday & I just thought why do I consistently feel down when life is going well?
Im married & we get along fairly well. Two young ish kids (3&5) both in good health.
Have stressful job that takes over my mental capacity.
Im usually happiest when I’m with girlfriends.
My mum keeps saying I have no interests & I don’t really but they take time & money neither of which I have a lot of although if I pushed myself I could probably easily enough find both up a point.
I have two weeks off now I’m at a loose end trying to figure out what to do apart from be anxious about work!

OP posts:
Annaishere · 22/09/2023 07:08

It’s just your job isn’t. Ideally you should be able to have a better work home balance especially with your kids so young. I know it’s hard.

joelmillersbackpack · 22/09/2023 07:08

It’s your job

wildwestpioneer · 22/09/2023 07:11

Anxiety isn't about nit being happy, it's just well, anxiety. There's no reason behind it.

Have you seen your GP about it? You could start there if not.

I also can't stress enough that exercise and getting outside helps

Maybe use your 2 weeks to look up any support groups or anxiety related hobbies that can help. You could also see if there are any CBT courses you could attend. See if there's a local mindfulness group, this helped me massively as is stew on the past and worry about the future and not enjoy the present as a result

Treat yourself these two weeks, is there anywhere you've wanted to visit locally? Walk around a local park, volunteer at the local dog rescue centre as a dog walker, cinema on your own. I have anxiety and at first I just couldn't see the point of doing anything nice as I'd be anxious and it wouldn't be fun, but then you start to look inwards and all you can see is anxiety. So try to live in the moment, so things, force yourself to go out and live a little.

MidnightOnceMore · 22/09/2023 07:20

There's lots of possibilities. It could be an anxiety thing. It could be your job messing with your head. It could be something deeper in your life.

What do you want to do with your two weeks? How would you like to spend your time?

If the anxiety/unhappiness won't shift it might be worth investigating what's going on for you, maybe some therapy.

I agree that fresh air, nature and exercise are excellent. Also crafts help.

Watchkeys · 22/09/2023 07:22

If you want to be happy, you have to recognise that you are responsible for your own wellbeing. You're happiest with your girlfriends, so you are perfectly capable of choosing to do something and identifying that it makes you happy. What else are you doing to make you happy?

It's a bit like posting 'I want cake but I don't have any... why?!'

Have you tried going and getting yourself some cake?

Anxiety is what happens when there is something scary and we're not sure if we have enough support to get through it without being harmed. When we are children, our parents provide that support, so that we are not anxious as children. When we are adults, we mimic their support, and that's how we parent ourselves. That's what adulthood is: it's not the lack of need for parents, it's the ability to parent ourselves. There is still a little kid inside who needs supporting, it's just that we have to do that for ourselves, rather than having a grown up doing it for us.

So, the question really is 'Why don't I have my own back? Why am I not supporting and reassuring myself in a way that relieves my anxiety and makes me feel happy?'

You have a whole, adult person to look after. It's a phenomenal responsibility, and a really busy job. It's not just about making sure they eat, sleep and exercise, it's about looking after their wellbeing, putting them in places where they smile, encouraging them away from places where they don't. Just like you do with your kids.

dressedforcomfort · 22/09/2023 07:34

Green exercise (ie parks, gardens, trees etc) is excellent for anxiety. Get outside and walk. Listen to birds. Breathe.

Maybe also use that time to reflect on your work situation. Is it the role or organisation you find stressful? Or both? I walked away from a hideously toxic organisation after 9 years in 2021. It was the best move I ever made. I now have a very fulfilling job in a really great organisation, my stress levels have plummeted and my sleep and health have improved massively.

BigSwigs · 22/09/2023 08:01

Do you exercise and eat enough protein? Eating enough protein massively helped my anxiety I.e. aim for about 45g by midday which is adult RDA. We lose muscle mass as we age and muscle is key for hormone synthesis, exercise and protein helps retain muscle.

I also second a vote for Hobbies, they have saves me and I have a stressful job. Things to look forward to as well.

1stworldissues · 22/09/2023 08:07

It isn't necessarily your job.

I feel like this, have had issues with depression for 20 years, but now refuse to medicate so just spend a lot of time feeling 'not quite happy' even though I've no reason to be that way

the7Vabo · 02/10/2023 05:13

Thanks you for all your replies.

I’ve four days left of annual leave and to say I have the fear about returning to work is an understatement. The “.good news” is I’m taking a career break in November. My primary goal is to find another job. However, I know I’m going to hugely struggle to let go of the mistakes I’ve made in this one. I think I’m also going to struggle to find another job as I don’t want to work in the same area (legal).

I tried to use last week as best I could - I took the kids to playgroups and did my first session of volunteering. I tried to be out meeting people as much as possible to distract from how anxious I am.

I have struggled with severe insomnia for weeks.

My kids are my reason for living at the moment, but I feel so hopeless otherwise.

OP posts:
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