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Original poster

Elderly neighbour - WWYD

31 replies

Shortpoet · 21/09/2023 20:30

I have an elderly neighbour who is becoming increasingly more needy.

It all started when my cat went missing and another neighbour said he often went to a flat a couple of roads over where there was an elderly man that feeds cats Dreamies.

I went to ask him not to feed my cat as he is on a special diet. I knocked on the door, and he answered and told me he was blind and really lonely. He was crying and saying he had no-one. It really upset me. I started visiting once a week to have a cup of tea with him. Sometimes he phoned me if he’s had a letter that he needs reading.

But it’s really tough. He needs much more company than I can give but he has no family or any local friends.
A volunteer does his shopping once a week and he’s recently started going to a coffee morning once a week.
But other than that he is sat in his flat on his own 7 days a week unable to see and with no one to talk to.

I’m ok to visit once a week, maybe twice, but I’m stretched really thin and really struggle to do more and keep all up with all my responsibilities to work and family and I’m having some health issues of my own.

He’s having a cataract operation next week which might improve the sight in one eye but has no-one to support afterwards. He’s asked if I’ll take time off work to go round and help with Eyedrops etc. I really can’t. Next week at work is a huge launch and I won’t get the time off. I’m not sure why there is no care plan in place for him after the op.

I spoke to my husband and said I’d call social services or age concern to see if he can get short term help for after the operation. My husband is annoyed at me getting involved when he’s not our problem and I’m already have enough on my plate. I’m happy to make the calls to help him get the care he needs.

Has anyone else been in this situation? What did you do?

OP posts:
Pottomous2 · 21/09/2023 20:32

Call age Concern and ask for support. Social care is also a good shout

Dacadactyl · 21/09/2023 20:34

Yes, another shout for age concern and social services here too.

I would've done the same as you OP. Your DH may well get to that age too and would be grateful of the help if he was in this man's shoes.

Have you broached the idea of him getting carers in to him? He probably won't want to pay for them, but they'd be able to help with eyedropper etc and might help with his loneliness.

Original poster
Shortpoet · 21/09/2023 20:36

I will call them. He did say he’d previously called to ask for a career but they were so understaffed and he was having help from a different neighbour who has now moved away, so he didn’t get one.

I think as well as a carer, it’s company he needs.

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Dementia & alzheimer's
MaidOfSteel · 21/09/2023 20:36

I would have thought the hospital should know he has no-one to care for him after the surgery. Maybe he needs to make them aware and see if they can arrange any support.

You're a wonderful neighbour, OP. There should be more like you.

viques · 21/09/2023 20:37

Your local council should have a vulnerable person department, he sounds as though he needs support with many areas of his life. It would be nice if you could keep up the cups of tea and chats as a friend, but I understand that you don’t have the time to be a social worker or nurse for him. Do you know where his gp surgery is, might be worth alerting them.

Original poster
Shortpoet · 21/09/2023 20:39

Thanks. I’ll see what I can do tomorrow. Your right he needs to tell the hospital

OP posts:
TheYear2000 · 21/09/2023 20:39

You could also call RNIB- I have a relative who is blind and they are very good at signposting to local services

spiderlight · 21/09/2023 20:42

Oh, bless him. It sounds a lot for you though. There might be befriending charities in your area that could arrange someone to pop in. Age Concern is a good shout.

maslinpan · 21/09/2023 20:42

There are some very good befriending organisations out there, where people are matched up with isolated people like your NDN to offer a bit of regular company.

CyberCritical · 21/09/2023 20:43

Look to see if you have any local charities that offer a befriending scheme.

We have a small very local community charity that do drop in sessions at the community centre daily where people can go for a free lunch and to chat, they also have volunteers who go to the homes of people who are housebound or have limited mobility. They have sponsorship from a few local companies so do things like Pukka Pie and mash Thursday, and Fish n Chips Friday.

Facebook is usually a good place to look or search the beginning of your postcode and 'befriending scheme program' in Google.

BlueVinca · 21/09/2023 20:44

As well as a district nurse/SS it sounds like a day centre where they pick him up would be good. Obviously I don't know what's available. It would be great if you could make a few phone calls. That might take the weight off your shoulders re visits.

Dacadactyl · 21/09/2023 20:45

If you're in the North, Henshaws might also be a good option for him.

Original poster
Shortpoet · 21/09/2023 20:49

Thank you all. these are all great ideas.

Not North. South East but in large town so should be several services / orgs to help.
I think all services are stretched so thin at moment.

OP posts:
reallyworriedjobhunter · 21/09/2023 20:56

Is there a local church that could help? A day centre or community hub?

tara66 · 21/09/2023 20:59

Had cataract and glaucoma surgery together and the after care re. drops required is minimal, help not required at all. He will have only one eye done at a time. They give you an eye shield to keep over the eye for a few hours/overnight.

SirVixofVixHall · 21/09/2023 21:00

Local church a good shout.
Poor man it must be so awful to be all alone like that, unable to see.
Your DH is being rather uncaring, it is so much nicer to live in a community where people look out for each other.

bellsandwhistles333 · 21/09/2023 21:08

Ask what GP surgery he is with they should have a social prescriber service that can help with isolation and medical issues, definitely befriending services it's so sad and you are lovely for helping

IHateCornerBaths · 21/09/2023 21:12

maslinpan · 21/09/2023 20:42

There are some very good befriending organisations out there, where people are matched up with isolated people like your NDN to offer a bit of regular company.

This is what I was going to suggest.

There may also be a social prescriber linked to his GP surgery who can signpost to services, social groups, help shopping, lunch clubs etc.

Muchtoomuchtodo · 21/09/2023 21:13

Is he a forces veteran? It’s worth flagging this up to anyone that you speak to about him as sometimes they can access additional services.

Helenahandkart · 21/09/2023 21:18

The GP surgery in the village I grew up in had a group of volunteers (mostly retired women) who visited elderly housebound people regularly and had a cup of tea and a chat with them. Maybe something similar in your area?

OrangesLemonsLimes · 21/09/2023 21:22

It’s possible that he’s told the doctors and nurses that his neighbour (you) will be helping him after his op. They may therefore not realise that anything is amiss which means that Social Services probably isn’t aware either.

Your husband is being sensible I think. You popping in a few times a week won’t do. You’ll feel stressed, tired and guilty and it won’t solve the underlying issue. He needs something more robust because he’s vulnerable. Then, you can go back to being a mate who drops in for a weekly cuppa, no pressure.

Witchbitch20 · 21/09/2023 21:23

This might be useful -

https://www.befriending.co.uk/about/find-a-befriender/

I think it’s wonderful you’ve got to know him and have probably made a real difference to his life already.

Find a Befriender — Befriending Networks

Read more about Find a Befriender on Befriending Networks.

https://www.befriending.co.uk/about/find-a-befriender/

vipersnest1 · 21/09/2023 21:39

Ageuk have a befriending service. My DM contacted them as she was housebound and a very nice man called her once a week for months on end. As an organisation, they are very caring.

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