DS 15 yr old girlfriend has her own place

[ForthegracegoI]

We don’t live in the UK, we’re in France. It’s quite common here for high school students to go to a lycée far away from home. DS 15 has a girlfriend and this year she has her own place. Her mum has set her up in a studio apartment within walking distance of the school. Her dad lives in the city but she only sees him every second weekend (divorced). Her mum lives out in the countryside and the daughter goes back there every other weekend. Otherwise, no adult supervision.

I’m still reeling a bit from being told this, and not sure how to handle it with DS. We’ve had all the talks about contraception, consent etc. Idk how far they’ve gone sexually, but tbh up until this year they haven’t had much chance as she’s lived with her mum and older sister.

They are both 15. DS isn’t 16 until the end of the year. The age of consent here is 15. DS has always had a lot of freedom to go out with friends as long as he keeps in touch, which he is good about. Idk what rules to set when it appears her mum hasn’t set any: we’ve never met her mum btw, which is also normal here apparently.

Sounds like everything is culturally appropriate for where you live. I wouldn't try to fight it. If you impose rules other 15 year olds aren't subject to he will resent you.

I think I feel a bit lost as I don’t know what the rules are! France has a low rate of teenage pregnancy compared to the uk, and I don’t get the impression that they start having sex particularly young.

Plenty of people in the UK live alone at 16, which isn't hugely different.

In France the culture has been very much “mum and dad I’m spending the night with x see you after school tomorrow “.

If they’re both over the age of consent and they both have capacity to consent then whether they have sex is up to them.

If you feel uncomfortable with him staying overnight then fine to make a rule that he has to be home by X time, but that’s different (assuming 15 year olds aren’t classed as adults in France)

I think just keep him informed, keep channels open - what will happen will happen, but it sounds like culturally young people are fairly sensible about this. I think an important thing in this scenario rather than 'don't get her pregnant!' or 'don't have sex!' is to talk about enthusiastic consent, to ensure no one does anything/has anything done to them they feel uncomfortable or unhappy about.

That is your son, you could keep him at home. You know your ds and the girlfriend wont last, but ds will probably be thinking that the relationship will last forever
you know your ds better than anyone if you think this is a mistake dont allow it to happen

@TakeMe2Insanity it has certainly been very normal for ds to have mixed sex sleepovers all through high school, haven’t come across any parents that don’t allow them though it tends to be the parents of the girls that host.

Do they.? What situation does that happen in? I didn’t know anyone who lived on their own at that age.