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Original poster

C-section and toddler admin

29 replies

Bunny2021 · 21/09/2023 11:30

I'm due a c-section next week with DC2. I didn't have one with DC1, so don't know entirely what to expect.

I'm having one due to previous trauma, rather than medical, so I might be bumped down the list. Having said that, my consultant has said becuase of my anxiety, it also might push me up the list - so who knows!

DC1 goes to nursery and my mum will have to collect him that morning as we need to be at the hospital at 7:30 AM. Obviously, I will be in for at least 24 hours - we've decided that we don't want DC1 coming to the hospital. He's quite a nervous/shy child so think it will all be a bit overwhelming for him.

However, we don't know whether it would be best for my husband to collect him from nursery, take him home, do bath/bedtime etc. Which means I'll be in the hospital for about 3 hours without him on the same day as my section, or whether we ask mum to do collect/bed/bath etc. She does do these sometimes anyway, so it wouldn't be completely out of the ordinary. I'm just feeling really conscious that his life is suddenly going to be really disrupted and I don't want him to feel pushed out at all.

OP posts:
caerdydd12 · 21/09/2023 11:35

I'd have your husband go home and Dela with DC1. He won't be with you overnight anyway so a few extra hours won't hurt.

I'd ask your mum to be back up though, you don't know what time your section will actually happen. You might not get in until the afternoon anyway depending on both the elective list and any emergencies that come up.

WoooahNelly · 21/09/2023 11:41

I think I would get DC1 to go to the hospital if possible, so that they understand that that's where you went/go to have a baby and that you are all ok. I say that because I think if I were a small child I wouldn't know not to expect you to disappear and turn up at home again with another baby another day, so less confusing if you see what I mean?

Lottle · 21/09/2023 11:47

With my recent c section no kids were allowed. All visitors booted out at 8pm. Our baby was born 5pm so my husband only had a few hours before leaving us. Then he went home to my 4 year old. Get big big pants and a spare pair of support stockings. A dressing gown cord at the end of the bed can help you pull yourself up. Good luck with everything!

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FoodFann · 21/09/2023 12:07

Dads stayed overnight at our hospital, it was even written in their info pack that dads are encouraged to stay and are expected to assist. We got a private room, and DH stayed. Having second ELCS next year, and I will leave DC1 with my Mum for as long as it takes. Just focus on you and baby.

TheSandgroper · 21/09/2023 12:12

Plan to keep dh with you as much as possible. My epidural didn’t work so needed a spinal block on top. Totally paralysed for hours. I needed dh to do everything. And I hadn’t planned any of that.

If all goes well, he can go home for bedtime with photos etc and then come back.

MariaVT65 · 21/09/2023 12:21

I had an EMCS and my husband was sent home straight away. It was horrendous, you’re either still numb or you’re in pain, left alone with a baby and there are never enough staff to help properly when you ring the buzzer.

Put yourself first on this occasion and have your DH with you as you’ll need the help. Your DC will be fine :)

MariaVT65 · 21/09/2023 12:24

Lottle · 21/09/2023 11:47

With my recent c section no kids were allowed. All visitors booted out at 8pm. Our baby was born 5pm so my husband only had a few hours before leaving us. Then he went home to my 4 year old. Get big big pants and a spare pair of support stockings. A dressing gown cord at the end of the bed can help you pull yourself up. Good luck with everything!

Well done to you if you could manage all that by yourself 3 hours after a section! I couldn’t even bend down enough to put my own pants on the morning afterwards.

TheBarbieEffect · 21/09/2023 12:28

I’ve had two sections. When I had our second DH stayed with me for the entire time I was in hospital (just over 24 hours).

There was absolutely no way I was staying there alone and especially not overnight, so he stayed with me.

So DD1 (who was just over 2) stayed with my parents.

Lottle · 21/09/2023 12:29

@MariaVT65 not at all. Spinal hadn't even worn off. Thank goodness for nurses!

MariaVT65 · 21/09/2023 12:32

Lottle · 21/09/2023 12:29

@MariaVT65 not at all. Spinal hadn't even worn off. Thank goodness for nurses!

Ah i’m glad to hear you had some that helped you :) I had to bleed all over the floor before they helped me!

Seriously Op, you shouldn’t be expected to look after a baby by yourself a few hours after major surgery. Either keep DH with you, or also he can do a swap with your mum. As long as someone is there with you :)

RecycleMePlease · 21/09/2023 12:33

When I was in having my second, my 2 year old was what I was worrying about any time that I wasn't actively in pain!

I sent my DP home to be with him, even though DS1 was perfectly happy with his grandmother, because I wanted to know that he was OK - it was such a powerful feeling that I wanted DS1 looked after more than myself!

Plus, DP was getting hungry anyway, so it was good for him to get out and stretch his legs TBH

Lottle · 21/09/2023 12:59

FoodFann · 21/09/2023 12:07

Dads stayed overnight at our hospital, it was even written in their info pack that dads are encouraged to stay and are expected to assist. We got a private room, and DH stayed. Having second ELCS next year, and I will leave DC1 with my Mum for as long as it takes. Just focus on you and baby.

That's fantastic

PepsiMaxLime · 21/09/2023 13:06

Similar to you OP, my second was a section due to previous birth trauma. I was actually bumped to the following day as was considered low risk so be prepared that you may get a call a day or so before if they need to jiggle people around.

I was moved to the following day but this meant I was the only planned section, so baby was born by 10am! DS came to visit as he was anxious about me going into hospital but was older than your DC so only you know if him coming to the hospital will benefit him or not.

DH then left at about 8pm and came back at 11am the next day, and we were home by 5pm.

PepsiMaxLime · 21/09/2023 13:08

@TheBarbieEffect thats great you had that option but most hospital don’t allow birth partners to stay overnight once baby has been born, and doesn’t sound like it’s viable for OP anyway if she’s already worried about DC1’s routine away from his parents

Owjrbvr · 21/09/2023 13:12

I would have your mum do it as you don’t know what time your c section will be and you’ll want your DH with you for as long as possible. Your toddler isn’t going to feel pushed out on this; he probably won’t even connect the two events.
I had my DD come to meet her brother in hospital and in retrospect I wish I hadn’t as it did just unsettle her; she got very distressed going home after without me and didn’t understand why I wasn’t going with her. Previously there had been times when I’d been away for a night or two and she was ok with that so I wish I’d just kept it like that

ColleenDonaghy · 21/09/2023 13:13

I had a section when eldest was 2, but it was during covid so DH was only allowed in for an hour a day and we couldn't have family to help.

I'd say get DH to do pickup and bedtime etc as normal, it'll help toddler to keep things normal. Could your mum go to you in the hospital?

I was in for 2 nights and absolutely fine managing by myself, but our hospital are very good and were more than happy to help when I needed it.

periperisaucemama · 21/09/2023 13:17

Are you allowed DP with you overnight? If so then definitely have him there! My husband was kicked out as it was during the pandemic and I had a most awful traumatic time unable to pick the baby up after my c-section, and postnatal ward night staff not very good or attentive at all. I really would advise him being there overnight if at all possible.

I understand all your concerns about your DC1. If it were me, I would request going first for your c-section on the basis of your anxiety. If you're lucky enough to go first you'll be out before lunchtime and your partner will have time to go home, do nursery pick up, give DC1 their bath and then granny babysits overnight. Your partner could then come back to you as soon as DC1 is asleep and assist you overnight.

Granny can also be backup if you have to wait till last for your section.

I hope this works out for you! Good luck OP.

MigAndMog · 21/09/2023 13:22

We arrived at 8am, got bumped all morning by emergencies and went into theatre about 2pm so definitely plan someone as back up for nursery pick up. My second section, DH went home to be with DC1, the husbands who stayed overnight appeared to just snore in the chairs or have a group social when it would have been better for everyone to get some rest! I coped overnight on my own without calling the nurse but it depends on your recovery and I knew what to expect. Adjust the bed so it is level and v close to baby's cot and you can lift baby over and back using their blankets. Buzzers seem to go unanswered for a very long time.

Dogsandbabies · 21/09/2023 14:07

I have had 4 c-sections. Apart from the first one my partner always went home and looked after the children, did bedtime routines and drop-offs in the morning to try and keep a semblance of normality for them. Then he came to the hospital to see me and the new baby. Also worth noting that I came out of hospital the day after I had the children every time. So it was just one night. Best of luck!

Original poster
Bunny2021 · 21/09/2023 14:22

Thanks everyone!

I hadn't thought about getting my mum to come to the hospital - if it's allowed, that's a great idea as she gets to meet her newest grandchild, DC1 has some semblance of normality (either DH or myself being away for bedtime isn't unsual) and then I don't feel as bad saying to my mum that we just want it to be the three of us when DC1 meets the baby.

OP posts:
GKD · 21/09/2023 14:32

I’m in the same ish position though my DC is reception age.

Partners can stay at my hosp so the plan is for my parents to come that morning to do both sch runs taking DC to sleepover at theirs after, fingers crossed I’m out next day so DC can come home, if not DH will leave us.

We opted for Fri surgery to make childcare easier.

We don’t want DC away more than 1 night, nor do we want them at hosp - I’m worried about reaction to saying goodbye.

Goodluck!

PS, I had a EMC for 1st DH cared for baby as I was in a very bad way.

NorthCliffs · 21/09/2023 15:20

Just a warning - I was first on the list for my ELCS and had to be at the hospital for 0730. Due to (rightly) being bumped for several EMCS that came in, I didn't have mine until 1730! Be flexible 🙂

WoooahNelly · 21/09/2023 15:34

Similar experience for one of my c-sections as @NorthCliffs didn't get to the ward until around 8pm, partner didn't stay and was told they were discharging me and to leave the hospital at about 10.30am the next day!

TheBarbieEffect · 21/09/2023 15:54

You might not get bumped though, I didn’t and I was first on the list so had my baby by 10.

fearfuloffluff · 21/09/2023 16:06

Let's be honest, your 'normal' is about to change. Things will be different when the baby comes home, your DC will deal with it. One night's bedtime routine won't make a difference.

I recommend getting a present from the baby, either to keep at home and he can have when baby arrives, or to be given when baby comes home. I had a CS and needed DH there.

Depending on the age of your DC, can you get books to help talk about arrival of a baby? Or make your own where you write in what is likely to happen and he can add bits in, or get your DM to add? Eg a page where you write 'gran will look after dc while mum is in hospital' then when that happens DC can add in what they have for tea or draw round their and their gran's hands or something.

We had a hospital stay with DS earlier this year and making a book helped him and older DD make sense of the whole thing.