Struggling to heal from childhood trauma

[Healinginprogress]

Hi. I have finally found the courage to post this.
I was molested at the age of 7. By a distant relative. It happend a few times sometimes in the same room as my parents and sibilings. It also happend on my 8th bday.
I had a step mom who wasnt really cruel but she broke me as a child through words and emotional neglect. Just really put me down as a child made feel shit and ugly. Her attitude changed alil when i started working and giving her money and expensive presents. My father was present but was too occupied with my brother. I feel broken. I tried to please them so much all my life. I am a peaple pleaser. Now I am finally trying to find myself.

I am married now to a lovely man with 2 dc. But I just can't let go of everything that happend to me as a child. I suffer from ptsd I can't even tell my step mom how I feel. Therapy might be a good start but I don't have the money or time for it at this stage.

Where would you start in terms of healing from trauma?

I'm see your GP and ask for a referral for therapy - EMDR would be my suggestion, but trauma-focused CBT is another option.

Hi OP, you are very brave, thank you for sharing. Does your DP know what you've been through? Like what the other PP suggests, start with your GP, they'll be able to get the ball rolling.

What would closure look like for you ? Is the distant relative still in your life ? How is your relationship with step mum now ?

Xx

Thank you for the replies and kind words.
I never seen the relative after age 9. Last I heard he was in prison for raping someone and then ended up in mental institution. I never told anyone what happend.
Yes dh knows most of what happend. Sometimes when it gets too much I talk to him about it. His been really great.
In regards to step mum, she also abused me sexually by making me do things to her that stopped when I was 13.
I am 28 now. I have kept a good relationship with her as she was going through a difficult time during covid etc. But she has continued to bully me and make things my fault when it's because of her daughter. My husband has always stood up for me and now my stepmother portrays him as the villain.

For a long time I've told myself it's fine everyone has a something horrible happen to them and to just get over it. But now it effects my day to day especially now that I have my own daughters. I can't believe how horrible everyone has been to me as a kid. My father has recently apologised for not being there for me and he regrets that he chose my brother over me in every way possible

I had EMDR to cope with the trauma of an assault and deal with PTSD through the NHS.

There are charities as well that can offer support and lower cost counselling sessions (Mind for example).

It is really beneficial, although not an easy, to talk to professionals about this and to get help to find ways to cope and process what happened. I could not have done it on my own.

Hi Op,

By your second update, appears there's 2 sets of abuse that took place, particularly painful by a caregiver too.

You'll need to take the following steps to start your healing journey. I appreciate you mentioned time and money being an issue, but for the sake of your young girls and DH, it's worth the absolute investment or else you'll remain stuck in a loop which will only get worse due to inaction.

Acknowledge the Issue. The first step towards healing from emotional abuse is to acknowledge that it happened. ...
2 Seek Support. ...
3 Practice Self-Care. ...
4 Identify Triggers. ...
5 Develop Coping Skills. ...
6 Practice Self-Compassion. ...
7 Set Boundaries. ...
8 Process Emotions.

Thank you so much for that. I really needed this perspective. I'm in tears as I'm writing this. I know this will be my own journey and I can't really put my load on dh anymore. I need to get out of this loop. I have just started self care. I have a long way before I can truly free myself of the pain I suffered.
Do I cut my step mom off?

I just can't believe how desperate I was for my parents attention and love. I let her manipulate me and do things just so she would love me. I get she wasn't my real mom but my dad married her when I was 2. She always was angry that she has to look after me and my brother. My real mom had left my dad for another man and didn't want anything to do with us.

Sounds like you had a lot to deal with and pleasing the adults was your way of surviving, you did what you had to do. The adults let you down.

I would say it's about thinking about little you, what you needed and didn't get and how YOU can start to be there for them.

Good luck.

Afternoon.

We're just bobbing on here to say that we're so sorry to hear you're going through this, OP.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged to us we like to link to our web-guides, which we hope may be helpful. If you'd like to, please do feel free to take a look at our Mental Health page.

There is also a very helpful post here by one of our lovely MNers, which may offer a bit of guidance to you, OP, and anyone else affected in this way.

Very best wishes from all at MNHQ