9 year old homework frustration - help!

[Danascully2]

My 9.5 year old is academically pretty able but gets very frustrated when he does homework (or music practice) that he can't do straight away. He shouts and cries and won't listen to any of my advice/explanations.

We are in a grammar area and I think grammar would suit him as his reports are always glowing and he loves learning (eg is learning a language just for fun). but I am really struggling to do the practice books without massive dramas when he gets something wrong or can't see straight away how to answer the questions. He has no homework from school apart from occasional build a cardboard boat type project. I'm only trying to get him to do eg a 10-minute test 5 days a week. So I don't think I'm overdoing it. When he does get upset I sometimes just walk away and he always eventually makes me come back so he does want to do it.

He is not likely to pass the 11+ with no practice as the school won't cover all the maths or the style of questions. But although academically I can help him I just don't know how to help him with the emotional/resilience side of it. I also think it's maybe useful practice for homework at secondary (whichever school) or anything else he finds difficult in future. We have similar issues with music practice although it has improved a bit as he's got better.

Any advice?? I'm so sick of being screamed at!

I'm wondering whether to pay for one of the online websites instead eg atom learning so it's not me managing it. Husband is not keen on getting a tutor but is keen for him to go to grammar.

Any advice appreciated.

Bumping in case anyone has any advice. Although don't get me started on the unreasonableness of a state school system which tests 10 year olds on stuff the state primary school isn't allowed to cover....

(difficult to opt out of the system where we are as we can't afford private and quite rural so no public or school transport to schools in non grammar areas).

I would stop trying to force him as that stresses you both out. Can you afford a tutor?

I had a tutor to help one of my dc with reading and it worked wonders as they didn't clash whereas me & dc did.

Hi thank you so much for your advice. It is definitely stressing us both out at the moment although the issue is not so much getting him to do it in the first place as helping him stay calm when he finds it difficult or comes across something he hasn't done before.

I agree he'd be much less likely to clash with a tutor - I am not sure of prices but I think we could afford this so maybe need to reconsider. I will have another chat to husband - i am leaning towards trying the online system and then thinking about a tutor if that isn't helping. I think husband has the view that he's bright so he should pass anyway but I'm not sure he's quite understood that it covers maths topics he won't have done yet as well as question types he won't have come across. And that it's all multiple choice so there's no real opportunity to demonstrate any kind of 'flair'....

Although i suspect the tutor would set homework anyway so I wonder whether we'd still have similar issues...

My 10 year old used to be like this. We got a tutor. He is fine now. It's made a world of difference. I think he was just lacking confidence.

That's really helpful thank you, glad it helped :). Yes I think it's the confidence to have a go at something.

Or persevere when it's hard.