Large age gaps - why are so many against it?

[fortheloveofjamdoughnuts]

When I was 6, my 34 year old mother got together with a new guy at her work - two weeks after his 19th birthday (so she knew him from age 18). He is closer to my age than hers.

Everyone on both sides of the family were shocked but kept their mouths shut as both are adults, and 30 years later they're still happily together.

Since I grew up with this, I've never really had any negative thoughts about age gaps as they're a loving, normal couple.

However I've noticed a lot of comments on mumsnet very negative about it, often with language like 'the ik-factor' etc.
What's wrong with two consenting adults being together?

So she fancied a child, and waited until he was just an adult to date him. Yeah, that isn’t pleasant in my view and it sounds a bit groomy. I take it your child isn’t being groomed by an older colleague until they’re just old enough to be considered an adult?

DH is 15 years my senior, and we got together when I was in my late 20s. Been together 14 years. I had no idea he was so much older - he really didn’t look it and still doesn’t. So I don’t think people ever look at us and mistake us for father/daughter 😂
It is a bit weird sometimes - he’s older than my oldest sibling. He’s nearer in age to my uncle than to me. His mum is actually younger than my mum though!
The challenge I tend to get is ‘he’ll be elderly and infirm and you’ll be stuck looking after him while still in the best years of your life’. Maybe, but that can happen in any marriage and that’s part of making a commitment to someone. I’m not scared of being widowed, a lot of women in my family are and they can look after themselves!
He’s the love of my life and I’d rather have fewer years with him than die on the same day as some boring bastard.

@fortheloveofjamdoughnuts
No, she knew him a few weeks before 19 - so FROM age 18 she knew him - already an adult. And she didn't 'groom' him. He fancied her and asked her out and she was flattered

And I'm asking what's wrong with two adults being together, no child in the situation as both are over age 18...

Also, age of consent is 16...

My DH is 20 years older than me me. We have been together since since I was 21, I couldn't have had a better, kinder, more loving partner .

I think it sits uncomfortably with most people because they can see that a just-turned 19 year old is not emotionally or mentally (or physically for that matter) in the same place as a grown woman in her thirties with children. It is, frankly, concerning that your mum, with a six year old child, was eyeing up an 18 year old boy as a sexual partner and thought he’d make a great life partner.
Generally speaking, I think it shows a wild lack of judgement, in a lot of aspects. I find it hard to believe you truly can’t see the issue one might have with someone in their thirties showing interest in a barely-adult. Big age gaps don’t bother me at all, it’s the age of the younger party when the relationship starts that matters imo.
All that being said, it’s good the relationship worked out for your mother.

Because there is usually a power imbalance.
And as someone who works with teenagers, I know being 18 doesn't really mean you're suddenly a mature adult.

I think it's a case by case basis really. Not everyone has sinister motives but a lot of the time it's because the older party, typically the male has a position of power and finds it easier to manipulate the younger party to adhere to their wishes.

In addition, older women are typically fed up of men's shit and happy to say so whereas younger girls haven't yet reached this point so are more eager to please due to the expectations society has been placing on them. They want to be the cool girlfriend etc.

My dad has started dating a woman a few years younger than me and it's really changed my opinion of him. He now comes across as a bit seedy but all his friends and brother also have gf my age so he thinks it's the norm but in reality they aren't very nice people.