Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

About to lose everything...

63 replies

Startingagainandagain · 18/09/2023 20:47

Sorry to make this a heavy chat but here goes. I am in place where:

  • I just had a nervous breakdown, currently under the care of the mental health crisis team
  • I am on sick leave from work because of said breakdown
  • I have a disability and receive PIP alongside my salary
  • I have a house that is literally falling apart around me that I cannot afford to fix. broken boiler, toilet was leaking into the living room ceiling today (recently made the mistake of buying an older house and underestimated the costs of maintaining it and how much damage had been caused by bodged jobs although I had a full survey done)
  • I live alone so don't have the support of partner and the friends I have live in a different location from me.

I can't see any way out of this mess at the moment...

I have asked my local citizen advice bureau for an appointment to look at my options but I would truly appreciate advice from anyone who has reached that level of failure in their life but managed to get themselves back on track again.

Really what are my options? all I could think of is:

  • put the house back on the market after some basic fixes? try to put the cost of the repairs on the mortgage? (will the bank even agree as my salary is quite low...)
  • consider traditional auctions or those companies that buy back houses for cash?
  • give the keys of the house back to the bank...but is that even an option
  • will I even qualify for support if I become homeless in this situation?

Sorry if I am rambling a bit but I have done the best I could in my life to get ahead but I have the worst rotten luck in the past five years and now in my early 50s I think I am about to lose everything and have to start again.

OP posts:
Vallencia · 19/09/2023 07:22

Yes, it sounds like downsizing might be a long term option if this house is not right for you. And yy to looking at what would be considered deprivation of assets as far as council/social housing is concerned. I expect it will would depend on how much equity you have and whether you are forced to sell or not.
But it may not come to that. You are not well currently so I'm sure it probably all feels worse than it actually is. That's why buying yourself some time to heal is so important, and seeking the right advice. Sometimes it's good to look at the worst case scenario so you can take comfort in knowing you have a plan to deal with it, should it happen - doesn't mean that's what will happen.
You might find with the right advice, you'll find a way through.

Well done though for looking at all this and reaching out for help - it never does to bury your head in the sand, and many would. I think you'll find support and a way through. Just be patient with yourself and allow yourself some time to heal. Best of luck today.

Vallencia · 19/09/2023 07:24

Perhaps try money saving expert for where to go for advice as well.

HolidayBurden · 19/09/2023 07:28

@Startingagainandagain this isn't the time for big decisions. Selling could be a very bad option so don't act in haste. Renting privately can be a huge hassle, and a new mortgage is likely to be expensive as rates are very high.
fix the toilet and give yourself some breathing space. When you feel up to it look into grants for boiler replacement there are a few options depending where you live / circumstances and the green energy initiatives.
spend some time getting better and taking advice from cab etc. check out money saving expert forums (MSE) for help and advice.

Original poster
Startingagainandagain · 19/09/2023 07:47

Again thank you everyone. I will try money saving experts as well. I feel so bad this morning that I called the Samaritans to talk to them (again) before I make my way to the house to give me some courage to carry on.

OP posts:
wp65 · 19/09/2023 07:52

Well done for calling the Samaritans this morning, OP. That was a very good idea. I've done it myself when things feel impossible and it does help a bit. Good luck today.

Original poster
Startingagainandagain · 19/09/2023 07:54

@wp65 Thank you.

OP posts:
Dymaxion · 19/09/2023 08:41

Are you sure it is a good idea to make big decisions when you are feeling like you are ? if you can afford these repairs and the mortgage, I would give yourself a bit of time to feel better generally, before deciding to move. I know how unsurmountable things can seem when you are in a dark place Flowers

Original poster
Startingagainandagain · 19/09/2023 11:49

@Dymaxion thank you for your comment.

Yes, I am working on stabilising my mental health fist so I can be a bit more rational. Seeing the Crisis Team this afternoon.

Spoke to the insurance this morning. Someone is coming tomorrow to assess the damage from the leak and sort out dehumidifiers.

I went to CAB and they suggested I try the Consumer Helpline first. Not sure if they can help but will give that a go then go back to Citizen Advice as I really need some support on the best way to approach the mortgage company & look at options.

At least I am being active which is progress rather than completely defeated...

OP posts:
thisisasurvivor · 19/09/2023 11:52

hotcandle · 18/09/2023 22:57

I'm not trying to be contrary but I'm just trying to look at your situation with a glass half full mindset.

Ok, so you've had a mental breakdown but you're being cared for by professionals who will do their best to get you better.

Ok, you're on sick leave from work. That's only temporary. They care about you. Nothing will fall apart when you're away. Think about how happy they'll be to see you back. It's great you have a job to go back too.

Ok, your toilet is leaking. Sure the plumber has stopped the leak. Another phone call or two to get that replaced and repaired will take you no time at all.

Ok, your house needs some maintenance but you have a mortgage. A phone call with the bank will allow you to remortgage to release some funds or you can tackle the urgent stuff first and then go a bit slower on the non urgent stuff. Well done you going back to a home you own. You've worked hard and you deserve it.

Life is so good OP. You're going to be ok. Your house is going to be a home soon. Big hugs from me and I hope you get better soon. Better days are coming!

Yes you have got this OP

Been through similar hell and I swear some of the wise people on here saved me so many times

I really hope it all works out ok

Small steps
Think of the long term

What you are capable of
What can be done

When I'm tired and sad I catastrophise a lot

Makes things so much worse

thisisasurvivor · 19/09/2023 11:53

Startingagainandagain · 19/09/2023 11:49

@Dymaxion thank you for your comment.

Yes, I am working on stabilising my mental health fist so I can be a bit more rational. Seeing the Crisis Team this afternoon.

Spoke to the insurance this morning. Someone is coming tomorrow to assess the damage from the leak and sort out dehumidifiers.

I went to CAB and they suggested I try the Consumer Helpline first. Not sure if they can help but will give that a go then go back to Citizen Advice as I really need some support on the best way to approach the mortgage company & look at options.

At least I am being active which is progress rather than completely defeated...

Plus you sound amazing !!!!

This will pass

Small steps each day xxxxxxxxxxx

Original poster
Startingagainandagain · 19/09/2023 12:07

@thisisasurvivor Thank you for the lovely comments and I am really sorry to hear that you also had to go through some tough times!

OP posts:
StBrides · 19/09/2023 12:09

https://www.depher.com/

I think depher could help with your boiler and plumbing issues. They're a brilliant charity I recently stumbled across and help those in dire straits with broken boilers etc.

Get in touch - if they can't help directly they're likely to know of who can.

Things will get better op x

Depher - Home

https://www.depher.com

Original poster
Startingagainandagain · 19/09/2023 12:22

@StBrides Brilliant! thank you so much for signposting me to them!

OP posts:
StBrides · 19/09/2023 12:26

You're very welcome, I really hope they can help you.

SlightlygrumpyBettyswaitress · 19/09/2023 12:55

I think the sensible thing is to address issues at hand. Toilet leaking (have you got emergency call out on your contents insurance?). If the boiler needs replacing, there are schemes were repayments are spread.
Do not knee jerk sell the house. You are not in a place to make a good rationale decision on that right now.

Silvesterthecat · 19/09/2023 13:13

Try looking into buying a new build instead and speak to the builders about them part exchanging your house. They usually offer the middle value of 3 valuations ish. If you were to look into a new build then you’d not have any maintenance and more efficient running costs and mentally a clean tidy new home might feel like a weight is lifted (I’m not saying yours is not clean!!) and you can enjoy putting your stamp on it. You’d need to look into a bigger chain of builders and perhaps downsize

Original poster
Startingagainandagain · 19/09/2023 13:19

@Silvesterthecat I assume I would need a new mortgage to do this? That's an option I had not thought of. But I assume I would still need to fix the house before I can approach them.

OP posts:
Wildhorses2244 · 19/09/2023 13:28

It sounds like things are tough for you right now, but you are doing amazingly making progress forwards even though its hard.

PP have given you some great advice. If there are more things which need fixing in the house than the toilet and boiler (both of which you have absolutely rightly got a plumber for) then I wonder whether working through one or two of them slowly at your own pace whilst you're signed off might be really good for your mental health. I always feel better if I have something non-stressful to focus on.

Youtube has some brilliant how-to videos for loads of DIY stuff which talks through things bit-by-bit really helpfully.

EducatingArti · 19/09/2023 13:39

https://www.nextenergyfoundation.org/projects/depher-cic/

Depher CIC might be able to help you with the boiler. They sometimes do work for free

Depher CIC - NextEnergy Foundation

https://www.nextenergyfoundation.org/projects/depher-cic

Callmesleepy · 19/09/2023 13:54

Make sure you flag to the insurance that you are vulnerable due to your breakdown. They are required to take it into account when dealing with you.

Sending hugs, it's a lot to deal with but you can get through it.

EleanorLucyG · 20/09/2023 00:52

You mentioned going back to the house. Where are you living at the moment OP?

It's good you're able to take action. Any progress is progress and gives you more options. If you're not sticking your head in the sand while things get worse and worse then there's no hurry to sell.

If you did approach someone about a new build and part exchange then you wouldn't need to fix your property up first. They are builders and could fix it up a lot cheaper and easier than you can do it. It would command a lower sale price for being a fixer upper, which means more proft for them when they've done it up and sold it.

RichTeee · 20/09/2023 01:20

Maybe get a valuation done by an estate agent just so you know if there is and by how much shortfall between your outstanding mortgage and what they think your house will sell for.

The problem with this is it could either help or exasperated how you are feeling atm.

If you were able to sell your home would you be considering moving back closer to friends and finding a job you enjoy more?

I understand completely how difficult it is to live with a chronic illness and also to have had fragile mental health. I'm so sorry for all that you have gone through. Is there someone in real life that can be with you when insurance assors or tradespeople are about. I often find it difficult to cope with large amounts of change and disruption and I have been "well" for a number of years now.

I did check to see if the government offered any mortgage help. But I think its of no use to you. You need to be on income related esa (or similar means tested benefit) for 39 weeks before they will pay mortgage interest. As you have a job and the waiting time is so long to be nearly useless it's a dead end there I'm afraid.
But do check and see if there are any other benefits you may be entitled to esp as you are off work sick for eg you may get cheaper rates and every little bit does help.

PieonaBarm · 20/09/2023 05:08

Please contact Depher, they are based in Lancashire but help all over the country with free plumbing and boiler repairs for people who truly need it. If you're off work and in receipt of PIP I would imagine you're the kind of person they might help. They truly are brilliant if your eligible for them.

www.depher.com/

Vallencia · 20/09/2023 06:02

Also OP, I wonder if you're eligible for some social support - as in a social worker or support worker to help you through some of this, especially if there are times when it all feels insurmountable. That too might be worth exploring with the crisis team, they might be able to arrange an assessment. Sadly, and ironically it might be that you're doing too well to need it (you come across pretty positive, strong and together tbh) so you need to ensure you are honest and open with them as to how bad it gets for you on your worst days.