Busy few years ahead, any tips to make it easier on everyone?

[QforCucumber]

we both work FT, mid 30s, thankfully short commutes. 2 kids age 7 and 3 who are both now in the same school/school nursery.

both of us have been given opportunities with our respective workplaces to be put on to degree courses starting this month. Neither of us have a degree and this opportunity is an amazing one for each of us so we have of course accepted. However now wondering if it’s a terrible idea and if the next 3 years are going to be hell on earth?!

any tips for making the day to day, and the studying, a bit less of a minefield?!

Outsource whatever you can afford - cleaning, gardening, laundry. If you can't run to that, decide what HAS to be done and what could you deprioritise eg ironing as little as possible, lick and promise cleaning but bottom the house every few months.

Plus all the obvious stuff - supermarket delivery, batch cooking, family calendar and generally being incredibly organised and coordinated.

Could one parent study while the other does tea and bedtime then swap the next evening? Same for a half day each weekend?

And make sure you build in some downtime for both body and mind to relax and enjoy your family.

@whistlestunelessly great ideas Thankyou. I worry sometimes that we’re a bit too untidy for a cleaner - both ds bedrooms seem to be Lego havens!

we’ve just come out of the other end of 2.5 years of FT nursery fees so once balanced the books again really think a cleaner at least fortnightly will be something we could cover. Need to put together a list of meals everyone will eat.

A cleaner, absolutely. I find it really helps us focus on tidying up once a week so that cleaning can actually happen! We stopped our cleaner for a while and it was the mess that got to me, not the dirt <slattern> 😄

Could you go to bed early then get up early and manage an hours study ? Do a big food shop to last 10 days ( just buy fruit , milk and bread inbetween ) , definitely meal plan . Sometimes I prepare Tuesdays meal whilst doing Mondays , makes everything so much quicker and less tidying up on the Tuesday too

Cleaner
Learn to say to no events etc that you do not want to go to
Declutter now before you start your courses and be ruthless
Slow cooker meals
Be less fussy about changing bed sheets and wear clothes more often

Batch cook, prep and freeze meal packs, e.g. meat in marinades, buy frozen veg including diced onion, sliced peppers, etc.

Meal plan and have a routine of who cooks on which days. And get into the habit of a fast shared chore session at some point in the weekends where you are both stripping beds / tidying the Lego / batch cooking / doing whatever can't be outsourced and getting it out of the way as a team.

Get a normal cleaner who tidied mess. I do not understand tidying for the cleaner.

Accept any help family/friends can give. I'm retired due to health but I'm well enough to help mind children, take them to activities, batch cook meals or do a pile of ironing etc and I'd happily help my db and sil if they were taking on study the way you are so don't be afraid to let family/friends what you're doing and how tough it's going to be, if help is offered, take it. Also a study place is important, when my dh was studying he used our caravan, its old but its in decent condition and he found being there on his own worked for him, he could leave his papers etc out without anything being disturbed, he had power, heat, kettle, fridge and even the loo if he needed and the WiFi worked so there were days during covid I didn't see him at all. I know it's different for you as you'll be working and have children to look after but I'd suggest finding some spot that suits your needs and claim it if possible.

My dh and I both studied (at different times) after having dc (him a degree and me a phd). There's no way we'd have even considered doing them at the same time. During times when assignments/ thesis due the non studying parent had to pick up slack with childcare/ housework/ driving kids places and entertaining on weekends.

Sorry. But dont do it
Will be absolute hell
Youll end up sacrificing their childhoods and possibly ruin your marriage
My DH did a course when 3 kids were young wnd was so bad he quit. He couldnt concentrate.

Don’t always be the one who gives the other time to study. Make sure it’s even.

Hang on - are you both going to still be working full time as well?

And doing the degrees within 3 years?

Not possible, surely?

I've tried juggling the same, as has my Husband over the years and I've realised that while you can sometimes physically fit everything in, it's not always easy to be available mentally for everything but that may just be me.

I've had to pull out of a professional qualification as it was too much on top of working FT/ Kids/ house. I don't have any magic tips other than be very organised and delegate but even then I lost weekends to revision and then I was back at work Monday morning. An exhausting roller coaster.

These are great Thankyou everyone - the saying no to going out and events etc is something we both definitely need to work on. It is going to be hard but the end results will be absolutely worth it (I hope)

@ShipSpace mine is a higher degree apprenticeship alongside work, his is a PT degree actually 4 years with day release at uni each week, both fully funded by our employers.

@MadeiraBaby weve already each spent the last 3 years studying - him for a hnc and me for a level 3 qualification just none of it alongside each other. We each left school with only GCSEs and haven’t really had the opportunities like these in the last 20 years. the careers we can move forward into with these qualifications will improve ours and our children’s lives for the better - so a tough 3 years is worth that.

Its doable but you have to get a routine going.
Shopping delivered and meals batch cooked on the weekend.

If the DC don’t wear uniform buy a set of school / nursery clothes so there are limited options to choose from each morning. Buy 5 days worth so you only have to wash it once a week.

Sunday evening blitz (let the DC help) to get the house ready for the week.
Prepare as much as you can in advance/night before.

Have a big wall planner with key dates including when assignments are due/ school events/ holidays(having a big visual prompt really helps ours is on the kitchen wall). It helps with focus and stops one of you becoming the default planner.

Can you alternate going into work an hour early to study? Agree you will both get things ready in the evening then have a study hour. Each parent gets a 2 hour block on the weekend. Use little blocks of time to do small bits of work eg 10 mins in your lunch break or on your commute (if possible). Over the weeks these small blocks really add up.

You have to be really organised about time. I found it useful to think of the time between kids bed and 11 as two different sessions of study. You have to plan and keep to it otherwise it’s so easy to say “I’ll catch up with that next week” then you won’t. get a pomodoro timer for your phone to help get you into the way of it.

Same with weekends - who’s on point and who’s studying each am and pm. Routine for when supermarket gets delivered and bulk cooking gets done so that it fits around studying.

It’s doable, but it’s going to be hard work! And TV and Xbox will become distant memories.

Do you have a rough estimate of how much time you need to invest into your studies? Then try to plan it in your current routine. Where do you have time to spare? What can you outsource to make time?

So, all the actual teaching time comes out of work hours?

Do you have much family support outside of the 2 of you?

@ChazsBrilliantAttitude that big wall planner is a great idea we're both very visual and have been trialling gousto the last couple of weeks and have written that on a small desk calendar on the kitchen side so can see the planner working for us (it works in my office)

I already have the 5 set of uniform thing going on and its wonderful, and I found out on the school run one of the mums does ironing so going to outsource that too as can sometimes spend 2 hours on a Sunday afternoon doing it.,

@ShipSpace that's right, day release at Uni basically for each of us - I have my induction this week so will find out more then. His was yesterday and we now know he will be there 9-6 on Tuesdays, he WFH 2 days a week which will be Mondays and Thursdays.. The University is a 15 min drive away and we've registered for student parking permits to make things easier in that sense too. MIL is on hand for anything we need and we have an absolutely rock solid childminder who does the school pick ups. As mine is an apprenticeship degree it is very work focussed and most of my write ups will be tied in with my day job at work, my line manager has already agreed to support me as much as I need here too.

I really believe that in 10 years time the 3 tough years will be a distant memory but we will be living with the benefits of doing it forever.

Well your update gives more information in terms of day release. In that case it should be doable. Good luck in your studies.

Get the kids used to easy meals.
Use frozen chopped veggies. Etc. (Eg frozen peppers and frozen onions plus a tin of tomatoes, tin of kidney beans, tin of lentils makes a very quick veggie chilli.)
Don't bother ironing(shirts are under a jumper)
Hang stuff on hangers so they don't crease as much.
Wash less often. (Use towels a couple more times, sheets a couple more days, rewear clothes that are not dirty)