Stressed about holiday swimming

[SherbettingSherbert]

Read another thread about swimming it got me thinking of something I’ve ignored/avoided for a long time.

I can’t swim with my head under water and I’m really paranoid when DD3 bobbles under, like I get really, really stressed about it, heart races etc 🥴.

DP is a strong swimmer so he takes the lead on water things and DD loves swimming on holiday, she has a floaty vest (which she’s not always a fan of), but hated swim lessons. We struggled to get her in the swim centre after a few sessions and paused them because we didn’t want to create a negative association. Decided to try again in a term or two.

Despite growing up in a coastal Mediterranean country and spending a lot of time at the beach I really, really lack water confidence. (I moved to UK when I was still quite young but went back for holidays regularly)

My family were super paranoid about potential drowning, we all grew up hearing/watching horrible pool/beach stories on the local news all summer long and I think it scarred everybody (grandparents were the same, sometimes worse!). Being aware of risks is great but I’ve realised it went beyond this.

We’re going on holiday shortly to what is essentially a kids swimming pool paradise and I really don’t want to spend the whole time silently battling stress watching DD and DP do what is just standard pool play.

This cycle really needs to end with me!

I do think I would benefit from adult swim classes but it’s not going to happen before we head off.

My biggest issue is definitely heads under water.

Any tips for either countering the paranoia or tackling my own head under water fear in a practical way whilst we’re away?

Super grateful!

You can swim well without putting head under water so if that's what you prefer just stay that way but don't let it stop you swimming.

Re DD at 3 she will need to be closely watched but your DH could do that. On times he can't I would only be concerned for a child if they were actively going under water not just head in water so sinking or doing age inappropriate things. And then I would not stress I would just get them to safety. If she has a floaty vest or arm bands in theory should not sink though never rely on them alone.

can you wear goggles?
that stops your eyes stinging

If its a snorkelling area you might be able to get a snorkelling lesson.

I swim a couple of times a week myself and take DD most weekends, I never put my face in the water. I wear contact lenses so I couldn't but I don't think I would even with goggles. You will be fine

practice before you go, take a breath, and blow it out slowly underwater

I wouldn't worry, DP is confident and happy to take the lead and you can swim.

I'm similar to you, I can swim but I don't like being underwater, can't jump in/do water slides etc.

DH always loved this stuff and I wanted DSs to be confident too. The did do lessons from 3 and enjoyed but they definitely got more from sessions with DH in the early years.

We did many holidays abroad and did water parks and they were happy to do the wild stuff with DH and the general quieter swimming with me, it was never an issue and they never picked up on my fears as I only did what I was happy with.

Obviously when they got older they realised that I didn't do slides etc and I just said said I was a wuss and laughed.

They are adults now and still happy jumping off rocks into the sea and all things water related.

I'm still fine with my gentle swimming.

I would add that if one of mine went under water in my supervision, I'm confident that adrenaline would kick in and I'd go under and grab them.

If you do want to try with putting your head under, I would find a water depth that would allow you to sit with your head under but with the control to be able to pull yourself up so you don't feel panicked.

My fear stems from being underwater whilst still learning (by myself) in a very busy pool and nobody noticing I was struggling to get back up. No parents there, I was with older siblings who forgot to watch me. I've forgiven them... 😁

What about changing the float vest to a float belt? It's what most continental kids use to learn to swim with.

like this

As for you, and how you feel about it, have you considered arming yourself with info? Drowning often does look like what peoole think it looks like and it may reassure you to say watch some YouTube videos of kids that age swimming and what it looks like, so you can reassure yourself abut what's normal?

Just to add I swim about 3 times a week about a mile each time, breastroke, backstroke, front crawl and never put head under water, I don't like feel of it and its really not necessary unless you want to swim competitively.

When I do briefly have my head under is snorkelling to see the tropical fish, it distracts me and also I love water slides. If you can face a water slide they are good for showing you you do come back up quickly and go in one where the pool at end is shallow so can put feet on ground.

With a young child I would always be within around a metre of them and always were I could stand in water so even if they start to sink normally I would not need to go under just grab them and pull them up. Only happened once and that was with a wave machine and another man offered to help.

https://www.simplyswim.com/products/arena-the-one-mask-goggle

Try wearing something like this - much wider field of vision than goggles, which I find helps a lot.

Thing with DP is that I sometimes get stressed out just watching them play. He’s never doing anything out of the ordinary, in fact I think he’s probably on the reserved side. It’s more like an anxiety I have that I can’t control. I know I shouldn’t stress, I know DP has it under control, logically I could just look away, read a book, actually relax, but my heart just races!

It must be annoying for DP because he knows his stuff and although I work hard at being a swan about it, he knows me well enough to know it’s happening, he has said in the past he just doesn’t know what to do to help me chill.

@AlwaysFreezing your YouTube suggestion is a great one. I’ve not thought of that! I’ll go on the search for some videos now. I think exposure therapy might be a good idea.

Float belt also looks great. The vest ends up around her chin and I can see why she’s not a fan. Although a lot of the belts say 14/15kg + and DD is only 13.3 at the moment.

Not a lot you can do about it before your holiday, but definitely invest in adult swimming classes. You won't be on your own. My friend is a swim teacher and she says the adult classes are the most rewarding (as these are the people who really want/need to be there).

@BigBoysDontCry funnily enough had a very similar experience to you! I’m glad you’ve forgive them, should make Christmas a bit more peaceful 😉

I didn’t think about goggles and was maybe thinking along the lines of a nose clip as water up the nose is what immediately makes me panic, but it can’t hurt to hit it from all sides I guess. Might invest in some too.

….I can see it now, I’ll probably end up looking like a ridiculous deep sea diver by the time I’m ready to go in. But hey ho, if it helps!!

(Not that deep sea divers are ridiculous, but perhaps not seen often at the edge of the hotel pirate pool!)

Hi. My mum is the same, but can now put her face head in the water. But a cheap snorkel set, and make sure the larger goggles fit your face and nose snugly. Wear it at home and practice breathing. Breathe in audibly, make a sheeeeeee sound, breathe out slowly and audibly, make a shoooooo sound. Pretend you are darth vader. If you have a bath, you can then practice in the bacth - breathe in and out like this ten times and slowly lower your face into the water - keep the breathing steady. Stay under for one in and out breath. You can also do this with the kids in the shallow pool as part of a game. Once you realise that you can be under water without it hurting/stinging you will feel better. It will take that initial fear away, a little like safe exposure therapy and you may feel a bit more relaxed with the kids. And remember, yes, water can be dangerious, but having kids who are confident enough to swim and play safely are a lot safer than kids who never go near water. if something were to happen, those who have exposure to the water would react far better and be less panicked and therefore safer

When a safety fear is irrational then repetitive exposure is a great approach. Go to the pool every weekend with your DP and kid. See them getting under the water regularly. The more it happens and the more everyone is safe, the more your system will learn. Your own fear of your own head is separate. You don't have to overcome that fear to overcome the other. I am the swimming parent and my DH just made sure never to pass on any negativity.

If water up the nose makes you scared, you could always try the easy breathe snorkels like this?

https://www.decathlon.co.uk/p/adult-s-easybreath-surface-mask-500-with-bag/_/R-p-148873

You generally can’t use them in indoor pools in the UK but on holiday in an outside pool, and in the sea, I have seen lots of people use them.

Be careful if you get a snorkel, they are mostly valved now which makes them really hard to breathe through and clear the pipe, it's much easier if you get a straight pipe.

I scuba dive and the top off the boat will always panic me but I know I can clear my snorkel and be ok

Do you mean put your face in the water or actually swim underwater?
You dont need to do either routinely you can still enjoy the water and swim

Learning to swim with your head underwater will make you a much more powerful swimmer. I think you might also find it reassuring to know you could dive into a pool and pull a child up and out of the water if they were in difficulty. Yes to goggles.

I used to be a reasonably good swimmer but fast fwd a decade or so and am now a breast stroke swimmer who moves an inch an hour??
Anyway I have a little niece aged 5 who is water daft and I take her to the pool and she swims underwater, and between my legs! but can’t actually swim at all on the surface. I never get wet above the neck now and we are going abroad soon so that will be interesting. I don’t do face in water either. But dare say if I totally had to on risk of life I’d do it……..