Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Knowing yourself better as you get older

26 replies

Copyn · 17/09/2023 23:05

When I was a teenager I was convinced that I was a creative person. I believed in it very strongly. Eventually I realised that I’m primarily curious and love finding out new things.

I’m often surprised by how little I understood myself.

How have you changed your ideas about who you are over the years?

OP posts:
Sockmate123 · 17/09/2023 23:15

Yes! I was always told by 2 immediate family members I had no patience so I believed them but as I have grown older I realise I have the patience of a saint! 😆 they were just incredibly trying of my patience!

I think as you grow older you are more honest with yourself too, you no longer pretend things just to fit in with people...

Original poster
Copyn · 18/09/2023 06:38

The things people tell us when we are kids really stay with us until we know who we are. @Sockmate123

OP posts:
pompomdaisy · 18/09/2023 06:42

@Sockmate123 yes it's funny how other people project onto you. I can't recall how many of my family told me I didn't have the right qualities to be a nurse. I've since made a very successful career from that. All my older siblings giving me this advice about what I should or shouldn't do turned out to be anxious wrecks later in life.

DinnaeFashYersel · 18/09/2023 06:50

I'm 49 and really feel that I have only truly known myself in the last 2-3 years.

I love it. It's a great feeling and I'm more confident and self assured as a result. And I don't tolerate shit anymore.

PimpMyFridge · 18/09/2023 06:54

When younger I thought I wasn't academic and pretty talentless. Turns out I am academic (Marie degree student graduate with flying colours), I was just too stressed by toxic family to focus on homework very well at the time... and it turns out I can turn my hand to a lot of things so not talentless either.

Original poster
Copyn · 18/09/2023 06:55

@DinnaeFashYersel It is a great feeling. I know I was still believing what people told me about myself even in my twenties.

What bugs me is how many career decisions I made on the basis of thinking I was creative (I think that one was the result of adults praising me) and believing other less complimentary things that people said to me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Copyn · 18/09/2023 06:57

@PimpMyFridge That’s good to hear!

OP posts:
Everdeen80 · 18/09/2023 06:57

I’m late 30s. When I was at secondary school I got in with an unkind group of girls who, looking back, bullied me despite me thinking they were my friends. They always used to say, whenever I got upset about one of their ‘jokes’ - “oh Everdeen you are sooo serious” or “you take things too seriously” etc. I was also quite academic and took lessons seriously, which they did not.
It really affected me and I tried to change my whole personality around becoming fun/happy/super jolly all the time. It was exhausting and it was only recently, about six months ago, that I had a epiphany. So what if I am serious? Who cares? I’m fed up of feeling like some sort of manic feel good sprite. It’s been quite a revelation. A shame it took me so long to get to it!

BatshitCrazyWoman · 18/09/2023 07:00

I was also told (by teachers, parents) that I wasn't academic, and didn't try hard enough. The way of learning at school didn't suit me. I did a degree as a mature student and got a first. I'm very motivated and self-disciplined, and, yes, academic! I learn better when I set my own pace, which is faster than the average school lesson. Who knew 🙄

Glad I didn't take that crap on board for my entire life!

MorninDarlin · 18/09/2023 07:16

Same! I was convinced I was creative my whole childhood and adolescence and made major, life-altering school snd work decidions based on that only to arrive at a point in my very late 20’s where I realized and was content to accept that i am not, I just feel energized being around creative people and learning of new/different things. People were aleays praising me as artistic but i think i actually iust used drawing as an absorbing coping mechanism, and i love beauty/aesthetics but thats more of a taste thing. also i convinced myself through my adolescence and early 20s that I was a chill/laidback person…incredibly untrue I am rather anxious and often uptight about stuff, but using chill as a cover so well id convinced myself. Anyway now im 30 and trying to sort out what to do next in a career as im not passionate/ambitious/creative enough for art, but also found information science (my masters) too isolating and sedentary, i like to be around people….

Original poster
Copyn · 18/09/2023 07:34

You sound similar to me @MorninDarlin

I love learning and finding out how things work. I find it interesting to know how things are created. I can even do creative things myself for an afternoon to relax and people say “oooo that’s good”. But then I get frustrated because I have no passion for it. It took me a long time to realise that my passion was learning how to do things, not actually doing them. Which made me feel like I wasn’t following through.

OP posts:
MorninDarlin · 18/09/2023 07:37

so true. have u managed to find a line of work that suits you?

Original poster
Copyn · 18/09/2023 07:51

@MorninDarlin After many twists and turns I went into proofreading. You generally get to see how people put texts together and what can go wrong. You often get to learn about new topics. And these days you get to see how AI is changing how people write and you get to learn what new issues occur when they do use AI.

It’s not a big money earner though unfortunately. I think if I had known myself better when I was young I would have realised that I had the ability to be interested in all sorts of different jobs. Unfortunately I wanted something colourful and creative.

OP posts:
xogossipgirlxo · 18/09/2023 07:55

@pompomdaisy same. My mum told me I won’t make good nurse or midwife because I’m not empathetic enough and I never went for it. I’m doing the job I hate instead. „Clean, office job”. My husband is encouraging me to go to uni again (you can get student loan again on some of the courses) because he can see wrong career choice is haunting me down on regular basis.

Disturbia81 · 18/09/2023 09:01

Mine hit me at 37, wonderful feeling. I wouldn't be young again for anything, why do people covet it?

Original poster
Copyn · 18/09/2023 12:53

@Disturbia81 Being young for me was like being lose in the world without an instruction manual!

OP posts:
Disturbia81 · 18/09/2023 13:15

Copyn · 18/09/2023 12:53

@Disturbia81 Being young for me was like being lose in the world without an instruction manual!

Exactly and so much insecurity. When you finally feel like an adult and give no fucks what people think, but care more about people.. Have the confidence to be you.. It's so freeing.

Privatelyliving · 18/09/2023 13:17

I also think you really do get lost as part of a couple. I was widowed a couple of years ago at 51 and I am shocked to discover that on my own, I'm really not the person I thought I was.

Lottapianos · 18/09/2023 13:23

'I love it. It's a great feeling and I'm more confident and self assured as a result. And I don't tolerate shit anymore.'

It's great, isn't it? Definitely one of the best things about getting older.

I'm getting much more comfortable with 'I don't know' and 'I don't care', and it feels great 😁 I may not say those things out loud, but I make a decision in my own head that I'm not going to give this thing any more head space, and it's very freeing. I used to think that being a 'caring person' or 'good friend' was being at everybody's beck and call all the time, but I know different now!

YukoandHiro · 18/09/2023 13:32

It's not just about knowing ourselves, it's the maturity to live at ease with the person we are now.
When I was a teen I was quite musical and very motivated by music, my whole personality was sort of built around that. At 41 I could honestly take or leave music - I don't even listen much anymore, and I don't play at all.
We are not one person. We change all the time. In 10 years we won't be the person we are now.
Young people are terrified of that. I love it, life changes us constantly

YukoandHiro · 18/09/2023 13:33

Privatelyliving · 18/09/2023 13:17

I also think you really do get lost as part of a couple. I was widowed a couple of years ago at 51 and I am shocked to discover that on my own, I'm really not the person I thought I was.

I'm sorry to hear of your loss.

How do you feel you've changed or evolved in the last two years?

Privatelyliving · 18/09/2023 13:36

YukoandHiro · 18/09/2023 13:33

I'm sorry to hear of your loss.

How do you feel you've changed or evolved in the last two years?

Show quote history

I think I have a lot more to give than I ever realised. I just went along with things, perfectly happy to muddle through life being fairly anonymous. Now I go out and and achieve things. I think becoming single, DC becoming adults and hitting 50 all at the same time created a perfect storm for me to "find myself" and I'm doing it with gusto.

Original poster
Copyn · 18/09/2023 14:38

@Privatelyliving I’m glad you’re doing it with gusto. That’s really positive to hear, thank you.

@YukoandHiro I was interested to read about how your relationship with music has changed. I had a teenage and twenty-something interest that was a great passion and now I go months without thinking about it. I’d almost forgotten about it really.

OP posts:
Original poster
Copyn · 18/09/2023 14:39

@Lottapianos Oh my word, me too. I would bend so far over backwards that they could have used me as a croquet hoop.

” I used to think that being a 'caring person' or 'good friend' was being at everybody's beck and call all the time, but I know different now!”

OP posts:
Lottapianos · 18/09/2023 16:02

'I was interested to read about how your relationship with music has changed. I had a teenage and twenty-something interest that was a great passion and now I go months without thinking about it'

Same here! I think that as a teenager, music helped me to feel understood, both in terms of what was being expressed in the lyrics, and being able to share that experience of being a fan of whatever band / artist with my friends. I understand myself SO much better these days, so maybe I just don't have that need any more. It's a really interesting thought, thanks for sharing your experiences