Help me to stop being an ungrateful cow please.

[RoyKentsTieDyeTop]

I am post surgery. In real life I am a ‘busy person’ and a tiny bit of a control freak. In my current reality I am stuck on the sofa being waited on, this is day five and I am on the edge of losing it.

My breakfast toast was burned and to marmitey. My coffees have been either too weak, too milky or not milky enough. The house is a fucking disaster zone. He brought me the wrong book and looked like a kicked puppy when I said. Worst of all was that he went to the shop and came back with the wrong chocolate mousses.

I’m awful. I’ve kept all this inside mostly, and I’m trying to manage him a bit by asking for the next coffee to be slightly milkier etc but it’s horrible being at someone else’s mercy and I feel like I shouldn’t complain too much.

He is working full time (at home), doing 100% of the parenting and absolutely everything else and I am being Queen of the Sofa and complaining that there’s too much water in my noodles (I mean they were ducking swimming in it, how hard is it to make fucking ramen correctly).

Help me to suck it up please, he is my husband not my butler and I need to be reasonable even though my cheese toastie was undercooked and he fetched the wrong charger.

A shock to the system having to do normal things for a week? Yikes is right.

I'm not a super mum, and my husband is a fully functioning adult who has always done his fair share, and neither one of us would crumble because we had to take over for a week. Life is "bloody tiring", you get on with it. If you're that knackered from basic life tasks you might need to see your GP.

My DP and I actually split up for a while after I'd had surgery, owing to his performance, culminating in him nearly going handbags with my adult son outside the house.

It was years ago and I still feel slightly bewildered at the crapness of it all.

Ah... it sounds like a tough time for you both. Hopefully you get better soon and if it helps I would be the same I think. I'm a horrible patient and when you're stuck in the house everything feels so magnified. Good luck and rest up.

I can tell you now, of I was working 35+hours plus doing school runs plus looking after kids and doing all bedtimes and waiting hand and foot on another grown up throughout my working day, the house would be OPS idea of a disaster zone. Esp as she clearly sounds like a perfectionist. It isn't about him being shit because he's a man. It's because we're not all perfect like you 🙄

Given he fusses every time op so much as moves, it doesn't really sound like he's trying to get her to do it herself orale her never have another op does it?

But he is getting on with it, he isn't crumbling, he isn't moaning to op about how hard his life is, in fact he's fussing over her if she tries to do anything for herself so he's hardly trying to shirk his husband duties. He just isn't meeting the standards of someone who's bored, possibly sore, frustrated, used to being able to look after themselves and a bit of a perfectionist to boot.

Got stuff all to do with low bars. He's doing (nearly) all of it and looking after his wife. Thankfully, your posts have helped OP appreciate that

Any 40 yo mums with babies out there? I have just turned 40, i have a 9 month old baby and 2 older kids who are 8 and 12. I have just returned to work after mat leave and I am finding the juggle so tough. I was 28 and 32 when I had my first two children and I felt so different. I didnt think I would feel this way but it's a lot harder work than I remember and it's strange being an older mum after being a young one before. Most of my mummy friends have older kids. I didnt think i needed to get out and about to meet mums and babies as ive loads of friends but now i feel ive missed my chance on my maternity leave to make friends who have babies. Dealing with teething aswell as pre teen hormones as well as a full time job is a lot... never mind the housework 🙈🙈 my OH is supportive and we have a cleaner who comes once a fortnight which is about all we can afford... if anyone has found themselves in this situ and has any pearls of wisdom please let me know. Im new here and i hope i can enjoy the company of mums net . Thank you 😊

@LaylaSun77 you need to start your own thread

How long have you been with him? I'm surprised he doesn't know how you like your coffee!? Did he ever do anything for you before now?

I'd be pissed off with crap coffee and burnt toast.

Dh says I'm never happy- it might be true or he does things half heartedly as he just can't be arsed?

@Aquamarine1029 But he is getting on with it That's the whole point of the thread.

We’ve been together nearly 20 years.

He makes me coffee every morning and it’s lovely. There is absolutely nothing really wrong with the coffee he’s been making me all week, I am just nitpicking.

My toast was a sourdough loaf that I was looking forward to, lightly toasted with a smear of marmite. It came well cooked with an inch of marmite. That’s how I have my cheap white toast.

I started doing a jigsaw puzzle last night which involved a complicated arrangement of cushion placements and leaning. He asked if he could help (with the puzzle not the cushions) and I genuinely growled at him like something out of ghostbusters.

I am a monster and need to be stopped. He’s at work and DS is at school today so I will do some gentle housework, make my own food and snap myself out of it.

If you're a young middle aged woman, you're being ungrateful. I suppose so if there's the parenting to be done.

For an old lady though, it would be a very good news. If they're angry and complaining, they're still very much alive.