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Original poster

Hypothetical lottery question WWYD

15 replies

Bannannaa · 17/09/2023 11:18

DP and I are not married but talk about this sometimes. Ok so say you won the lottery (I haven’t)

DP is divorced in a clean break way and has 50-60% time with his 2 kids, not in a court order agreement just mutual agreement. Ex and DP claim one set of child benefit each for one child. DP lives closer to school and takes and picks them himself the most. DC are registered at school, GP and dentist as a family with DP at his address. No child maintenance crosses hands. Ex is married to someone else now.

If I won and it’s my ticket, neither my DP or his ex has a claim to it. If DP wins and it’s his ticket, I have no claim but his ex might.

Would you claim child support from your ex if they won the lottery if you had 50/50, OR would you as the winner give some of your winnings to your ex as child support or housing to balance out the different lifestyles for the DC?

As part of our hypothetical lottery win if DP won we would both feel weird about this as there could be a disparity in lifestyles. DP suggested buying a nice house she could live in in the kids name that goes to the kids when they are 18. Going to court to fight about money would be horrible for everyone.

caveat: If she has a claim anyway for child support DP would just pay it. But we have no idea. I imagine if there is a big win even if it’s 50/50 you can make a new claim? but he wouldn’t claim from her the other way round

OP posts:

Dropthedonkey · 17/09/2023 11:23

Good grief if I won "big" I'd be giving my workmates a load of money never mind the mother of my children.

Dropthedonkey · 17/09/2023 11:24

Why wouldn't you be more generous?

YouCantBeSadHoldingACupcake · 17/09/2023 11:34

I believe any interest from the money would count as income, so the ex would be entitled to a percentage of the interest each year as child maintenance. I don't think she would be entitled to any of the actual winnings as they have a clean break order in the divorce.

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Original poster

Bannannaa · 17/09/2023 11:38

YouCantBeSadHoldingACupcake · 17/09/2023 11:34

I had read this so that’s probably what would happen. Also he would prob still do a house but the amount depends on generosity:

£100 million win - generous would be amazing and easier, life changing all round for everyone

£1 million win - where we live would buy a very nice house but not enough to both give up work forever

OP posts:

ohsoso · 17/09/2023 11:41

Dropthedonkey · 17/09/2023 11:23

Good grief if I won "big" I'd be giving my workmates a load of money never mind the mother of my children.

This!!

I mean if you’re talking 100k it’s different. But if you’re talking enough to buy a house outright for someone else, I’d 💯 offer to buy the father of my kids a house and no way I’d be telling him when they turn 18 it now belongs to them and he can go find his own place 😂 That’s so weird to me.

Original poster

Bannannaa · 17/09/2023 11:48

ohsoso · 17/09/2023 11:41

This!!

Show quote history

I don’t think the turning 18 part is that you sell it, just that it doesn’t belong to either parent it belongs to the child. One parent isn’t renting from another parent or under obligation to them. So the DC can choose what to do with it when they become an adult as it belongs to them as an investment in their future. If it was a smaller amount of win compared to a large one then this might be a long term investment that benefits the children and the other parent in the short term. The other parent would have no rent or mortgage to pay for many many years.

The same wouldn’t be extended the other direction that’s for sure so I think generosity can have a cut off point in divorced parents.

OP posts:

Dropthedonkey · 17/09/2023 12:02

That's not how generosity works, though

iamwhatiam23 · 17/09/2023 12:05

I had to fight so hard to force my ex to pay for his kids that if i won the lottery I would still force him to pay his maintenance every single month and donate it to charity to piss him off! I also would not give him a penny of my winnings! If he won the lottery I absolutely would take him back to court for more money and save it for my dc.

Dropthedonkey · 17/09/2023 12:08

thats not the kind of tricky situation the OP has though. All sounds fairly amicable

CeeceeBloomingdale · 17/09/2023 12:16

Neither of us have children with anyone else so it wouldn’t be something I’d have to consider. However if I was exP I wouldn’t be giving up my own home to move into one the children own until they decide to turf me out.

JustWhatWeDontNeed · 17/09/2023 12:18

If they have a clean break then she wouldn't be entitled to anything, surely? That's literally the point of a clean break. You sever all financial ties going forward.

DH's ex would be firmly told go fuck herself if she expected a penny of any of our winnings. But she's an awful person. She would equally enjoy telling us to go fuck ourselves.

I don't think I'd do anything complicated with houses. He could cover the mortgage until the kids are 18 if he felt that way inclined, I guess, and then support the kids as necessary when they need their own housing.

JaneIntheBox · 17/09/2023 12:18

No way would I be buying my ex a house! Even if it was completely amicable. We're not together anymore, why should I give them anything?

My children would get a lump sum when they're older, at least 25, but I'd pay for their uni expenses. Even if I won 100 million my current lifestyle wouldn't change so much for there to be a 'massive disparity'. I'd use the money to start my own business not laze around luxury resorts. Besides, if I need to care for the kids I can't always be going away on holiday,

So I don't see any need to 'even' things out by giving any of it to my ex. In any case if I had my own business I'd have the kids more, maybe even become RP so no maintenance needed.

It also depends on the current lifestyle though. If everything's currently fair, and I'm not getting the kids any 'extra' anyway beyond maybe a nicer holiday once a year I don't see any need to pay more child support. If however I was previously not paying enough then of course.

Similarly if my ex won big but currently pays enough I wouldn't quibble, otherwise I'd want him to pay his childrens' fair share.

This is complicated by people's life choices, if one party has chosen to remarry, reproduce again and have more kids than they can afford they really shouldn't be expecting an ex to subsidise them all.

Original poster

Bannannaa · 17/09/2023 12:26

It’s all fairly amicable this is a what if situation, about the kids. If we lived in a big house with a pool and his ex still rents a small house DP would feel guilty. However he wouldn’t be obliged to do it although I think he would pay maintenance on the interest like someone else said and she could do what she wanted with it. She would expect something I know she would 😉 put it this way, even with a clean break divorce and less time with the DC she had some interesting expectations at one point

OP posts:

Beezknees · 17/09/2023 12:49

I would want the best for my DC in whatever situation.

JaneIntheBox · 17/09/2023 12:51

Bannannaa · 17/09/2023 12:26

Edited

People can expect the world. That doesn't mean they ought to get it.
Of course your DP can feel what he wants, but I wouldn't feel guilty in the slightest. As long as the DC have an acceptable standard of living in both places. if their mother was in temp accommodation of course I couldn't leave them like that, but then I'd already be having them permanently rather than letting my kids live like that, lottery win or otherwise! No need to swoop in and save the day.

But I do think it depends on the situation though. Let's say I'm divorced, my ex wins and uses the big house etc etc to gain the DC favour over me. Of course I would feel hurt. If he was a twat and never paid his way I'd want to extract everything I could from him!

Equally, if I was the lottery winner and my ex was a good person, we split mutually and they'd made sensible decisions I would help them out. Not 'buy' but maybe pay a portion of their rent for a bigger house, give them a deposit for a smaller one once the kids have left.

If, however ex had gotten a new partner, gone on to have several more kids then it's not my problem they can't afford a bigger house. I'd rather my kids stayed with me, in fact it's probably much better that they do and get my full attention rather than their other parents who's got lots going on.

From what you say, your DP's ex sounds like a chancer and for that alone I'd dig my heels in. When men do this they great roasted on here, a woman doing it doesn't make it right. A PP said they'd give money to the 'mother of their children'... yes a woman goes through pregnancy and gives birth but that's a biological function. It doesn't make them good people necessarily. Your responsibility is to provide for the children if you're no longer together and that's it.

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