Falling apart

[Fallingapart1]

Need some advice please.

I've always been the one who has held everyone together.

DH is a good man but hopeless at dealing with emotional stuff.

DS1 has high anxiety atm and is just about to start a new chapter but struggling big time and DS2 is just being a teenager.

I know it's just life and I've always managed to be there for everyone and held them and it all together.

But suddenly, I'm worried I can't. I'm in such a heightened state of anxiety, feel sick most of the time, losing weight cos I can't eat, can't sleep - you get the picture.

I can't lose it now but can't seem to see how not to.

Not sure any of this makes sense but hoping for some advice - or just a kick up the bum!

It sounds like you need some support or just some extra input - to fill your own cup so to speak. You can't pour from an empty cup.

Can you speak to a friend for emotional support? Can you outsource housework / laundry etc?

Can you buy a stack of paper plates and ready meals to catch a break and get back on track?

Go to bed early, shower the night before, lay out clothes the night before, plan the week on a Sunday night together, so everyone starts to see the mental load?

Talk to your husband, say you are struggling and you need him to do x y and z tasks to help you out - be very specific and factual on the tasks so it is not emotional things he can’t cope with, and make sure they are things that will give you more time and breathing space. It is tough.

Then you need to look after yourself and create some space to relax in. Could you maybe take time out just to go for a walk, read a book, take a swim, or even lie in bed for an hour?

Thank you for replying.

it's not actually the practical stuff - they are all good at the cleaning, cooking etc - I just feel empty - I don't have the energy to take on everyone's 'stuff'
I feel like running away but of course I can't.

I just don't want to do it anymore but I'm the bloody grown up and they rely on me. DH does try but he just tries to fix things rather than listen which of course, makes it worse and he genuinely doesn't understand why.

I know I sound like a right whiny cow but I'm a little bit worried that I'm just going to fall apart one day

This may or may not be the same for you but I spent 20 odd years looking after everyone, being the rock in the middle, juggling work and caring for my DH and youngest as they battled with MH issues - oli stood stoic and capable (albeit knackered!). Once it started to tail off I suddenly began to struggle with depression and cried every day. My GP (who knew my family set up) explained to me that it's like seeing your child have an accident and getting them to A&E and being strong - once they're safely home and back in bed you crumble. This sounds like your "crumbling moment" as you can take a bit of pressure off yourself due to the children being older...?