How to respond to boasting? Or just give up on the friendship?

[JoelleL]

Have a friend I’ve known for years. Nowadays maybe meet up maybe twice a year and have a nice time.

But she’s a real boaster and I think that perhaps I should give up the friendship. I’ve got young kids, not much time and the boasting means I don’t get much out of it. But then I feel bad as I’ve known her for over 20 years.

Last couple of times she’s got in touch it’s been to say something like “Just booked a 4 week trip to Australia!! Dreading the flight with [her 4 year old]” or “Lost half a stone with [some fad diet] and off to Italy next week. How are you?” type of stuff. Even worse if I respond honestly with how things really are with me (which generally isn’t great due to elderly parents and children with additional needs) she responds by saying something even worse has happened in her life!

So how do I respond to latest boasting text (which relates to a holiday) and do I give up on the friendship?

I knew someone like this, messaged her to ask how she was and got a list back of things she had spent money on, a new car, a dream trip, an extortionate birthday gift, yeah yeah yeah… I messaged back ‘ I asked how you were, not what you had spent money on lately’ …she blocked me ! Result!

@Unexpectedlysinglemum in person it’s not as noticeable I don’t think. It’s not like she’s boast boast boast. There’s more of a dialogue or we talk about nonsense sort of chat. It’s been very noticeable via text as we’ve not seen each other for ages and so it’s only form of communication for many months.

But I have noticed she never talks about difficulties eg she was self employed and was always saying how great it was going but then suddenly got a full time job and then said how great that was. So everything is a bit superficial (and always has been). She possibly has other friends she opens up to but I’m a very open person so it’s a bit strange for me.

It’s not that I like her any less than I ever have. It’s more thinking about whether I have space for superficial relationships.

My other friends and I share successes and crapness with no weirdness of jealousy whatsoever!

Love it! Sounds exactly like my ex-friend but I didn't have the wit to respond like you did!
(The whole thing did end up with me blocking HER though)

@Throwncrumbs ha ha although my friend is not quite as in your face so I can’t call her on it!

It’s a combination of stealth boasts, pity contests and never actually asking me anything about my life. It’s run it’s course really. Only lately that I feel secure enough to let go of some people who aren’t serving me positively.

I think this is more about how you feel about yourself op. She's not boasting. Try and be happy for her. Friends should celebrate each other.

@Redwinestillfine its definitely not. I think unless you’ve read the text history and know her then it’s hard to express here without transcribing directly which obviously I don’t want to do.

But out of interest I showed real life friends the text history and they were pretty shocked and amused (it is quite funny tbh!)

One friend I showed was recently back from a lovely holiday and I’m very happy for her! I have good things in my life and I’m not struggling with money (despite what a PP assumed)….it’s more just the constant OTT nature of messages where everything is amazing and blissful but not once asking eg how mum is or anything about me.

And if I share successes she never asks more.

Fundamentally it’s not about jealousy or even resentment but the fact that I don’t want to spend my time with someone who is getting off on trying to be in a life competition with me (because as many have said real friends celebrate each other and are there for each other in times of needs).