Partner cheated 😕not sure how to feel

[Chocolate2020]

I have children and I've been with him 16 years .
I found messages on phone that were deleted and contacted the women , she told me he came back to her room(after a night out )she said she can't remember if they kissed(to drunk) but she kicked him out and nothing happend . I asked him and he can't remember .

He also told her he wasn't with me and he didn't see the children .

I had a blind trust in this man , I don't have a jealous bone in my body and all I asked for was honesty and for him to let me know he was safe...I never thought he'd be with another women , I worried if he was alive if he came home late from a night out or stayed at his friend's.
I feel so foolish and taken advantage of .

I actually don't know how to feel I've never felt this way before (I'm neurodivergant).

I wish I had never seen the messages and I could go back and I always preached to my friends when they were cheated on that I'd leave if my husband cheated .

Funny thing is when my high school bf (not my husband) cheated on me I bought him gifts and felt sorry for him ..
Now I'm feeling the same way , I just want to get to the bottom of why he betrayed me and I want to go back to how we were but him saying he can't remember is insulting and do people actually forget ?

He isn't a bad person and is a fantastic dad and husband but he does have issues around alcohol and I don't allow it in my home .

And omg ... if I did what he's done I'd be out on my arse!!. Double standards.
If I forgive I'm allowing it to continue and I don't want that

I don't know what to do

You said if you did what he did you’d be out on your arse!

follow his lead, get rid, reading posts on here just confirms that if yo7 forgive and take him back he will do it again.

i know a guy who constantly cheated and his girlfriend took him back numerous times and the minute she slept with someone while they were on a break he finished it with her! Total double standards.

Why don’t you want to end it? As this reads like you’re trying to find reasons to forgive and forget.

He isn't a fantastic husband. A fantastic husband doesn't cheat on their wife. You won't be able to trust him again. He's still lying to you. Will you be able to have sex with him again now? If not ask him to leave.

really sorry this happened to you but i think you know that you need to get rid. like you said, if it was the other way around he wouldnt accept it. i know its hard as you have been together for 16 years but my thought would be is this the first time it happened? really hope you figure it out😊

He is saying he doesn't remember as it's an easier lie for him to tell than saying that he didn't cheat. Although he's obviously quite at home with lying with what he said to the OW.

He betrayed you because he could and because he has more desire to fuck someone new than respect for you and his children.

I'm sorry you're going through this, it's horrible

I guess I am trying to find reasons 😮‍💨☹️I've been with him all of my adult life and I'm at a loss..why are men this way

I honestly just want my life to remain the same for the first time in a long time I was inna good place , finally got my dream job and both of us becoming financially better off .

Also I've poured my heart and soul into this marriage and we've been through the whole sickness and in health vows stuff you say om your wedding day .. I'm all for helping someone get over there trauma and I hate sadness in other people , I litterly took a month off work as I needed it and now I've got my dream job I felt happy .

As someone who has adhd and autism (I've been diagnosed ), I find change extremely challenging if it's unexpected and now this has happend I'm feeling lost , occasionally I feel tears welling up and then it stops , I thought I'd be crying my eyes out constantly but I'm not I'm nothing I'm blank, like my emotions temporarily leave my body .