I want to move away from my ex with my child.

[GeorgieNu]

Hello

I wonder if anyone has any experience of moving with child away from ex?

I split from my ex when I became pregnant with his child and we have a court order. I have the Lives With order and him the Spends Time With order. Since my child became 2 (she is now 28 months) she started staying with him every other weekend from Friday eve until Sunday eve.

He has been abusive in the past, this was emotional and coercive and I did not pursue a finding of fact because he was seeing his child and so the abuse was not considered a bar for contact.

Im very sure he has Narcissistic Personality Disorder as everything he does and says is very text book.

He has recently asked me to get back together with him (after every thing. he put me through, and taking me to court with a very very young baby) and when I said no he has said he wants to move back to London or back to Italy. (I live in the North, which is also where he currently has a home, he lives between here, London and Milan). Whether he does or not is a different matter. It seems he is burning his bridges every where he goes as people work out who he is.

Basically I would like to move to Scotland. I am isolated here in the North as I do not have friends here and only moved here to get away from him and to have support from my mum. In Scotland I would have support from friends, I would have a better quality of life and I could re-train as a nurse. All things that would be positive for me and my daughter building a future.

I know that I have to 'ask permission' or 'consent' from him to move. This makes me nervous as I understand he wants to move too but all communication is very entangling and illogical and he will start to say 'lets go on holiday there together' etc and then become angry if I don't want to and say its not fair on my child. I don't want to spend time with him. I dont feel safe with him.

I received Legal Aid for going to court the first time round due to receiving support from Independent Domestic Abuse Services and being on Universal Credit. Im not sure I would receive it again because Scotland is under a different jurisdiction.

Does anyone know what the parameters are on my move? What are the qualitative factors that would make my move possible? And what would be the best approach in asking him? Bar involving a solicitor?

Thanks so much everyone for reading and for chatting thru!

Love from me

Don’t think you have to get consent from him, even with a move to Scotland. However you would need a new arrangement order in Scotland as the one made in England wouldn’t be recognised.

Also you would need to ensure you make contact journeys - ie you would have to drive your Dd to contact (this may be outdated advice but was true when I was arranging contact for Dd).

Are you originally from Scotland? Moving back ‘home’ is a good reason usually in the eyes of the courts especially as you have a support network there. If you can prove that it would be beneficial to your Dd whilst you are still able to facilitate contact I don’t see any huge reasons why it would be an issue.

Thank you for your message.

No Im not originally from Scotland though I do have a strong network of support there. Unfortunatley though he caused such damage between me and my family that it is currently irreparable and has left me isolated. (They don't have the capacity to see/understand emotional abuse unfortunately). I want to move on.

My daughter has allergies that in my current private rental are exasperated and she has been hospitalised 5 times since xmas. In Scotland the quality of life would be much better and I have been told I would be eligible for a housing association flat which could come up quite soon if I went for it.

Im don't think I could afford the time and cost to travel with her the distance from Scotland to Yorkshire every weekend. The complication is that he is very likely to move from here anyway as he has expressed desire to.

I recognise that it is unfair etc if I do not facilitate but at present we are both stuck somewhere we dont really want to live. Having said that he is so hugely manipulative and is always trying to get me to spend time with him and y daughter together. I have done this a couple of times and he ground me down with persausion and it is awful as he starts saying horrible things and then saying Im sensitive etc (gaslighting). I become very upset and stressed and then he will text me things like 'please dont get upset it front of our child' as 'proof' that I am anxious. I simply need to be very very boundaried.

Im wondering if there is an official way to do this. That I could pursue in a very neat way without entanglement of discussion. Its hard to explain but for me it is traumatic being in contact with him.

Do I for example set out a list of reasoning that is positive for our child and positive for him and just ask for a yes or no answer and if he says no take it from there?

RE: However you would need a new arrangement order in Scotland as the one made in England wouldn’t be recognised.
How do I go about this?

Thank you so much for your time!

Wait for him to move away then move away. If he moved really far first then you moving won't make much of a difference.

I agree with Negomi. Let him move to London then get yourself straight up to Scotland.

Unless he has no intention of moving anywhere and is simply trying to call your bluff so you ask him not to leave?

Don’t think you have to get consent from him, even with a move to Scotland

Not entirely true. He could take you to court to prevent you moving. During my divorce my solicitor told me he had had several cases recently that had gone against the mother and prevented her moving

Let him move first.

Thats also what I wonder, if he is calling my bluff. He has lots of money and so can have addresses in Yorkshire/London/Italy. I am not and am rather stuck and want to move on...