Can you get married to someone if you don’t like their family?

[PBJK]

By someone I mean the love of your life/soulmate etc not just someone random haha!

DISCUSS

I adore my fiancé. can’t wait to marry him but his family are hard work and use him and are all selfish. Never seem to be happy for him when he does well and is achieving which is a lot because he works so so hard - I don’t hate them or anything they’re not evil. Just I dislike this aspect about them

when I say use him, I mean for loans. As he’s money savvy. Which is hard to see. Constantly make jokes about how much he earns too because they know if theyre ever in money trouble he’ll help.

The trouble is that you’ll have to share your child with them.

@DustyLee123 here’s the awkward thing. We do! Which is why they grind my gears even more as since our 2 yo was born I’ve had to see and interact with them more

and witness these charecteristics more and more

I wouldn't marry someone if I didn't get on with their family. I think thats a recipe for disaster. I look at marriage as the joining of 2 families, but other people would say differently, so I suppose it's how you view it yourself.

Does your fiance feel taken advantage of? How does he deal with his family? Does he know you're less than keen on them?

You need to have a serious chat with him about money, and keep your finances separate until he proves his priorities are with you and not them.

Beyond that, look up the grey rock technique . Crappy in laws add a layer of misery for sure, but it’s the money issue that’s the red flag.

I don’t think so. Depends how you see finances after marriage though, I would see that as us loaning our money, which I wouldn’t want.

is he happy with the current setup?

I did.

I let it play out. The family ended up digging their own grave, so DH has chosen to go NC with them.

I would marry someone who's family were a bit meh, but not a family who I actively disliked. That would wear me down over the next 50+ years (depending how long they all live!). I can imagine it causing much resentment unless your fiancé is on exactly the same page with their family, if not I don't see it long term being something I'd be jumping into.

You can, but be prepared for the relentless BS, that will impact your life together.

Yes. I'm sincerely glad that this is the answer, otherwise I would be single. Though I was NC by the time we married!

Yes but DH was NC with them before the wedding. Your first issue is you’ve already got a child together so I can’t see what difference being married makes wrt his family. Your second is with his attitude to their requests. They can ask for what they like, what’s his response?

He’s a parent, his child should come above his grabby family. Is that the case or not?

I wouldn't do it. Life is hard enough without adding a whole group of people I don't like into the mix. I also wouldn't like the thought of people trying to get money out of my partner. It sounds like they guilt him horribly for working hard and earning. They will never stop scrounging if this is what they do.

Very similar here, took a long time though! In between I just was low contact with them.

I did but DH doesn't like them either so we don't bother with them.

I wouldn't now as I know how hard it is once you have kids