I wonder why I am so introverted these days?

[Handcreamqueen]

Sorry that’s a slightly misleading title because I’ve always been quite introverted, it’s just that it’s getting worse the older I become.

I was called shy as a child but I honestly don’t think of myself as shy. I am happy talking to people but not in large numbers, I seem to ‘disappear’ within groups of people and have always found loud and extroverted people to be very overwhelming on my senses, however nice they may be.

It is sad in some way because there are many life experiences which I find just too overwhelming such as large concerts, festivals, going to large cities and towns, travelling in busy areas and on packed transportation. It isn’t so much the people but the general experience. The sounds, smells, sights etc it feels so taxing on my senses.

When I was younger, in order to ‘fit in’ I would do all the above. I travelled, visited London most weekends (we are only an hour away), went to concerts, would go in town at night to packed clubs and bars, accepted invitations to parties etc. Whilst everyone seemed to be having the time of their lives, all I wanted was peace and quite and by the time I’d get home, I would feel completely exhausted. I would have been happier at home reading a book.

I am 50 now. Married with 2 teen dc. I think I am worse than ever, I still loathe crowds, probably even more so. Just popping to a busy supermarket drives me insane. It may seem so very boring to many people but I just love being at home, love walking my dog over the fields, woods, meadows and beaches near me.
I adore the quiet contentment of nature, would be more than happy to spend out my days living in a field surrounded by the relaxing and soothing natural sounds that life offers. To just have my family and my few friends around me.

I feel at 50 I am still nowhere near fully knowing who I am because I have spend most of my life trying to be so much like everyone else, that is still a huge discomfort to me.

Does anyone else have this characteristic? What would you call it? Shyness, introversion, just a sensitive soul or unsociable (I have been accused of this a few times!)?

I really do want to come to terms with it and accept I will never really be a ‘people’ person and that life can be just as enjoyable doing the ‘gentle’ things in life (SM has probably made me feel far worse about myself than if I had been born many years ago!)

*and yes, I know…….stay away from SM, comparison is the thief of joy and all that jazz!

Flee from the press, and dwell with soothfastness;
Suffice thee thy good, though it be small;
For hoard hath hate, and climbing tickleness,
Press hath envy, and weal is blent o'er all,
Savour no more than thee behove shall;
Read well thyself, that other folk canst read;
And truth thee shall deliver, it is no dread.

(Press = crowd)

Thank you Allthegoodnamesarechosen 😊

I'm older than you OP but have followed a similar trajectory. I've accepted this is who I am, have just a few close friends and my small family and am perfectly OK now. You will be too.

Age and covid restrictions have made me less able to cope with busy places.

We're in Wales so they went on a bit longer here - people on trains and public are often louder and less well behaved then prior - and obviously there's an exposure gap for me.

Plus age - less ability to cope and less desire to make out I can.

I actually do like people but in small groups or small trips to busy places - but I do have sensory issues.

Bliss for me is being at home. I do go to supermarkets but I’ve not been to our local shopping centre since before covid. I order what I want online. I’ve been to the coast for a few days and out to London restaurants which I love. Since retiring I’ve cut toxic and intense people out of my life. The only people I love are my close family. I too did all the expected things as a teenager and in my 20s-30s etc but this is who I really am. It’s lovely x

I'm the same. The worst part is other people asking why you don't go anywhere

Those people can bugger off and live their own lives packed with all the things I’ve already done x

I feel exactly the same. I always feel like I ‘should’ be doing things, socialising etc but I’m happiest with my family or on my own. I love spending time outside and just enjoying being.

I don’t mind crowds but I am definitely less tolerant of noisy people and less keen to go out and socialise since Covid. I have always been very happy in my own company and I realised in lockdown that I didn’t miss many people or going out that much.

Does anyone else have this characteristic? What would you call it? Shyness, introversion, just a sensitive soul or unsociable (I have been accused of this a few times!)?

Yep, sounds the same as me. I'm usually fine on a 1-2-1 basis with other people, whether friends, colleagues, family or even strangers, (unless they are particularly extraverted, loud or constantly chatting for the sake of it because they can't bear even a moment of silence!), but I just retreat and disappear into myself in a group, even in a small group of just 2 or 3 other people, even if they're generally pretty quiet/shy like myself. Socialising was pretty much impossible, even small family gatherings like having parents over for Christmas Dinner, I'd just go and hide somewhere (usually found lots of "things" to do in the kitchen!).

Bliss for me is a long quiet walk in the countryside, just listening to birds and other animals. I deliberately got myself a small office within walking distance of home when I set up my own business, so I have a lovely 1 mile commute walking along the side of a canal! My OH is very similar, we can happily sit watching TV, have a country walk, or a drive in the car in "companiable silence" for long periods of time, neither of us thinking we need to talk for the sake of it to fill the silence. Bliss! I don't have many friends, but the few I have are the same, we can sit and have a cup of tea, or sit on a bench outside somewhere, and just drink in the atmosphere without having to fill every moment with idle chatter.

I just can't tolerate loud and busy places. My idea of hell. If I have to go shopping, I deliberately chose to go at quiet times (early evening is usually good). Even just the thought of going to a concert or sports stadium would give me palpatations, so such events are just never going to be on the agenda.

There's a standing joke in our family that I wouldn't even go to my own funeral because I couldn't stand all those people congregating together! (It's pretty true really - I only went to my own wedding because it would have looked too strange not to turn up - I didn't enjoy a single minute of it except the service/vows where it was quiet and I could pretend no-one else was there besides the vicar and OH!).

It's not that I don't "want" to be sociable, I just can't "do" noise and crowds, so all my socialising has to be on a 1-2-1 basis, so you really need the other people to be on the same wavelength as an extraverted person wouldn't want to "socialise" in a quiet setting with just 1 or 2 other people.

It’s basically to do with resource allocation. I used to cope well with people and loud busy places because I didn’t have a lot of mental load on me, so I had a lot of mental resources to spare. Now I’m older and I have a lot of shit that consumes my mental resources. Kids, elderly parents, mortgage payments, health issues, all of this stuff takes my energy, and I no longer have enough left over to be able to cope with people and noise.

Sounds like me. I really don't like crowded places where everyone is jostling together and I'm not bothered about going out much these days either. I'm 53. Lockdown made me realise how nice it is to stay at home.

I still love travelling abroad though.

I’m older than you as well. I rarely go out these days and never feel lonely. I don’t mind 1to 1, but find more than that exhausting. I too choose to shop at quiet times.

I’ve just come out of a long verbally abusive marriage and I’m still trying to work out if my excessive reclusiveness is due to that or is just my own personality. It’s probably a bit of both I expect.

Ive always been an introvert. I’ve realised now I’ve stopped drinking, that in the past I was only happy socialising when I had some alcohol in me numbing my anxiety and introvertedness. I was only a social drinker.

Theres a book called The Highly Sensitive Person by Dr Elaine Aaron which I think you should read. It says there’s about 20% of the population who just process external stimuli differently and can find it overwhelming.

I often pop on to Pinterest and type in Introverts. There’s lots of humorous posts on it and it makes you feel that you have found your tribe, so you don’t feel so alone.

Were all out here, the joke is that we’re all so ensconced in our private spaces we’ll never get to meet each other!