Help with trying to understand elderly dad

[ideaspls]

(reposting for more traffic…)

I bought DPs to my place for a change of scene, also to give DM a little rest from caring for DF(82). DF is generally well but easily forgetful (signs of early dementia but not massively) and flies off the handle more and more recently (though has always had a short fuse and angry outbursts). Had to end up driving them back on the second day, as DF kept wanting to go home and losing temper for being taken somewhere and ‘dumped.’ He criticizes every meal that is prepared by DM and did the same when he was with me. He loses his temper when I won’t eat things he offers (I’m 45) and accuses me of not eating because I don’t want to ‘get fat.’
Anyway After dropping them back, he came to their front door with his car keys and insisted on dropping me back to my house.(not sure why - but DPs have always been very overprotective) I told him to rest back in the house and that I had my car so not necessary. He then lost his temper on the street and yelled at me saying that we were all nasty and poisonous.
It’s been a difficult last two days, but when I recount the events none of it seems like it would cause massive offence, in fact it would seem like he’s very caring but why does it seem so offensive and why the need to infantilize me all the time.
Can anyone relate?

This sounds very stressful for all xx

Has he has an mri scan?

The flying off the handle more easily could also be a dementia sign. Both if he's losing the ability to control himself and through frustration at not being able to cope as well as previously.

Maybe look into getting a referral at the docs?

Thank you,
He wouldn’t agree to going to the dr for a referral in the first place. He’s always been very head strong.

DFIL masked his early dementia confusion with angry outbursts. Your df probably knows something is wrong. Could you get him to the gp under the pretext of something else wrong - they will do bloods to rule out non-dementia first anyway. The medication that there is for dementia works best in the early stages.

I lost my dad a year ago, and my mum 6 months previously. After my mum died my dad became someone so dramatic and aggressive I didn’t recognise him. It was not dementia, although he was terminally ill, he just hated being out of control of his life. He was particularly nasty during a water infection. I feel for you, it’s very hard.