Dyspraxic ds(11) not coping with transition to secondary school

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He hasn’t been formally diagnosed (waiting lists) but ticks all the boxes for DCD.

Loved school when he was at his little fluffy village primary school, was excited about moving up to join his older sister at the new school. But it’s been a huge challenge for him. He’s been in tears virtually every evening since he started two weeks ago. He’s getting lost, forgetting things, losing things, being late for every lesson because of the above. It’s breaking my heart seeing him so unhappy when he used to love school.

I’ve talked to him endlessly about organising himself, having ‘homes’ for things like his timetable, calculator etc and always always putting them back in the right place so he can find them again. But (I think) he’s just continuing to scatter everything to the four winds and assume somebody will help him and organise him like they always did at primary school. Of course this isn’t happening and he’s getting told off. Most teachers are being kind and patient, but that’s going to wear off soon.

He’s used to doing well, is academically bright, well behaved and friendly, so all this is hitting him like a tonne of bricks. He’s the sort of kid who needs praise to thrive.

Has anybody got any strategies to suggest? I’ve talked to his form tutor; he was understanding but he just says he’ll get used to things. I suppose he’ll have to, but I wish there was something practical I could do other than listen and mop up the tears!

Does he have a phone? If so, he could keep a photo of his timetable and map of the school on it. Try having a whiteboard near the front door to write a list of what he needs to remember each day as well as his lessons for that day. It is helpful if he writes the list himself, with your help, by going through his timetable the night before, the more he reads it and writes it down, the easier it should be to remember it. Encourage him to read it every morning and tick things off as they go in his bag.

Try laminating a mini copy of his timetable to fit in blazer pocket or put on a key ring to attach to bag, preferably to inside pocket. He will need multiple copies of his timetable in various places in his bag and pockets as they will get lost. Get a map of the school buildings to keep at home and play games such as quickest route from one subject room to another, give small rewards if he can beat the clock!

Could he buddy up with a class mate so they can walk to places together, maybe his form teacher could help with this.

I was a SENCO in a large secondary school and inevitably we had a few children who struggled with organisation each year. I would encourage teachers to check in with your son when he was leaving their class to make sure he knew where he was going next. I also gave some a pass which excused him from a sanction if he was a few minutes late for a lesson.

Have you made contact with the SENCO yet, if your son is waiting for an assessment then she ought to be putting in some support for him as it’s likely that the school will be asked to contribute to the report.

I’m sure your son is not the only one struggling at this stage.

Having had a very disorganized son, no dyspraxia diagnosis but told by experts "he most certainly had a touch of it" just not bad enough to warrant testing and special measures, I can say don't despair his teachers and form tutor remained kind, they knew the kids who are genuinely struggling.

But practically to help have you got his timetable? have you an understanding of where he goes and when, i found with my son we would discuss for 5 mins in morning where he'd be and he felt better , like your son he needed lots of praise so everyday we discussed how he got to x or y on time, or found the toilet, could you get some of those mesh wallets and help him prep in advance for the day, so wallets one has all the materials for x subject, minimize having to have pencil case to hand by putting a pen and pencil in every wallet. Have him focus on finding where to go and getting there - my son skipped using his locker for first year and just carried a massive bag around- obviously this wont work in all schools. At end of day we emptied bag put teh papers scrunched in bottom where they should be , and re did wallets for next day.

i also avoided sending him in with jackets scarves and reusable lunchboxes water bottles etc. as they would just be something else to remember,

Mum to 2 DC with dyspraxia.

Have a copy of timetable up at home.
You help pack / check his bag each evening. have a checklist.
Pencil case & calculator for home and rucksack.
Everything named.

At school:
Always write down every single message in planner.
When he gets up to move classrooms or after sitting at break check around him to see nothing left behind.
Ask tutor to send email round his teachers saying likely dyspraxia, please keep an eye on him and if he says he was lost then believe him.
Keep PE kit at school in locker or tutor room, or even ask if PE dept can hold it (this is what a friend's DC did at their school). Just bring home shirt for washing.

It is a lot to cope with, he'll get there.

Do school understand his difficulties? They should be meeting his needs regardless of diagnosis. The dyspraxia foundation have some really good resources for schools.

The difficulty with organizational strategies is that they generally require good executive functioning skills - remembering to make and check a list, starting one list not 2 because you've forgotten you've already started one... and if you have good enough executive functioning skills to use the strategies... you probably don't need much support!

Strategies are quite personal. Some manage with a journal, some rely on apps, alexas, alarms, etc.

It sounds really hard for him.

Thank you, some helpful suggestions here. Some I already do (white board, multiple timetables) but there are several new ones to try. I love the idea of a laminated timetable on a key ring - that’s genius!

Phones get taken off them on arrival and returned at the end of the day. His has a smashed screen that he can barely read though anyway (he’s been told he has to save up for a new one himself; I’m trying to teach him that he has to look after things and we won’t just replace everything - obviously with lost things like mouth guards I have to, but the phone I consider a non-essential.

I have spoken to the senco but they were very breezy and not all that helpful. It could just be because it’s still the first fortnight so they’re waiting to see if things will settle down naturally. I don’t know. But I will pursue.

I just hate seeing his sad little face coming out of school every day.

The difficulty with organizational strategies is that they generally require good executive functioning skills - remembering to make and check a list, starting one list not 2 because you've forgotten you've already started one... and if you have good enough executive functioning skills to use the strategies... you probably don't need much support!

This is so true! His sister is the total opposite and her life is full of lists, charts and timetables - the girl loves a system. She has tried to help him but their brains are wired in such different ways.

I think contact SENCO and Form Tutor/Head of Year again (joint email).

Tell them the truth: that he’s massively struggling with personal organisation and executive function, and that he needs extra support. It’s possible that, alongside Dyspraxia, he might have one of the overlapping co-morbidities such as ASD/ADHD, which will be making his anxiety sky-high.

If school don’t come up with any ideas to help him, then you might need to consider getting him assessed in order that the ‘help’ boxes are ticked. FYI, at the school I teach at, if DCD/ASD/ADHD are flagged but not diagnosed, we put the children on the SEN register, which makes them eligible for extra help.

Good luck! Hope he gets the help he needs. DS1 (ASS/ADHD) starts at (my) secondary in Sep 2024 and I’m already anticipating the organisational struggle!

PS you might need to help him get his phone fixed sooner rather than later, because lots of school systems now rely upon the children having the relevant app on their phone. Encourage DS to take photos of key bits of info for school (passwords, timetable) and have a special folder for them.

Yes I will definitely pursue with tutor and senco.

The school doesn’t use phone apps. The pupils all have laptops that they carry around with them and the apps etc are all on there. His phone is only used for WhatsApping friends and bloody Roblox.

Clip board map and timetable on it - that's how my oldest two managed till school then put timetables on app.

Another tip work out who's in next class - depends on how mixed up they all are - but knowing maths next x has maths with me and following them - how I got around secondary first term.

Otherwise bag with many pockets and having a place for everything and a morning check list all help - mine all check timetable first thing in morning and have PE bag always packed so can be grabbed. They've also has a lifetime example of checking have anything before leaving a room.