DD is 9, Year 5.
DD hates school, I struggle to get her in most days, she hides bits of her uniform or her shoes or her glasses. She’s got to the stage now where if she refuses to go I cannot physically get her in, she’s to heavy.
Making her sit at home with no screens and no toys doesn’t help. We did this for 2 days when I had to work quietly she described them as the best days ever.
She is fine once at school. She has friends, can do the work, is working at or above expectations in all areas, she just does not like the act of going to school. She had bad separation anxiety when she started Nursery we think due to a history of DV (ExH towards both DD and I). She literally comes out happy.
School have given her counselling and she just says she doesn’t like being away from mum. She’s had screening for dyslexia and a pre-screen for autism but both came back as not that which was expected as she’s happy once at school. She also says the work is hard and she doesn’t see the point of doing it.
We have no issues in the holidays, and she goes to holiday club – she is better when she goes in later and does afternoons but will go in in the morning. The only difference is she’s not made to do anything there, she can sit out.
We tried putting her on packed lunches but it made no difference. I am stumped. The only time she’s better about going to school is a few times she’s had opticians or dentist appointments and gone in after registers have closed but even then she’s reluctant to go.
Her attendance in Year 3 was 65%, Year 4 was 49%. She’s already missed 2 days this half term – we only started back last Wednesday (6th). She won’t go in late if I can’t get her in in the morning.
School are out of ideas and have said I need to be tougher and force her in but she’s now physically almost as tall as me and is to heavy to lift. She kicks, hits, bites and will undo her seatbelt and pull my hair while driving so I can’t safely drive her in, there is no way of physically restraining her safely in the car and she’s too heavy to carry 0.9m to school – this is the closest school. We tried breakfast club for awhile which worked for a few weeks and improved her attendance but then she stopped being motivated to go, she didn’t dislike it she just didn’t want to go.
We moved during covid and this is her second school, but she didn’t like the other school and never really settled.
I can’t hold down a job easily because she’s unpredictable with it - as in sometimes she will have a few days or weeks of being fine and going and then other times she flat out refuses most of the time now its more refusal than anything. I’m a single parent, my mental health is shot to pieces and probably never will recover, school shrug and tell me she’s fine once there (which I think she is) and it’s my problem, ExH sees DD for 2 nights 1 weekend a month and refuses to get involved - we split when DD was 18 months old so not a new thing and she doesn't remember us ever being together.
DD has actually said she likes school she just doesn’t want to go. She is off again today, chats don't work she actually says she likes school, she has friends (and lists them) when she was going regularly she got party invites, but she says she can't see the point of it. It's got worse since schools reopened after lockdown.
Any tips? I want to save my mental health, there is no-one else to care for DD, ExH has said he won't take her.