What's equitable to the mental load of food planning?

[TheBeesKnee]

My partner finds the planning and shopping part really difficult. I don't mind it. We both can cook.

I am on maternity leave at the moment and I can feel a creep of responsibility where I'm ending up doing all the mental work and I don't want to end up in a situation where that's expected and so I raised it with him today and said I could take that on as long as he took on something of equal contribution that I never have to think about.

He jumped at the offer but now we're stumped as to what that could be.

Any ideas?

I'd suggest that you take on weekday dinners - you have time to walk out with the baby to pick up bits etc and make sure there's stuff in. You can enjoy peace cooking with some music on when he gets home and he sorts baby's bath and plays with them.

Then, he picks up weekend dinner stuff on his way home from work on Thurs or Fri and he cooks Sat and Sun.

Well then.. just don't do it? Simple.
Babies are a lot of work and you can't keep to your previous standards.
There was a post on here about the new 'research' culture and I can't think of anything else that's as time-consuming. You can't measure the mental load because it varies! Maybe today you find a couple of nice recipes quickly, tomorrow you look at several sites and struggle. Your OH isn't bothered clearly as he just orders takeaway.
Unless you're planning to be a SAHM this will only get worse when you go back to work.

Nobody is saying that you have to be very regimented, you can make a bigger rotation so you eat one meal once a month but also, maybe you can do one 'new meal' a week. Google recipes for say, different sauces and try a new one each week.

Btw I love food too, and as much as I like looking for new recipes I just don't have the time!

DH and I have been dividing up tasks like this since we first moved in together, and it is still working well for us over 20 years later.
I think the main thing is we both think we have got the best deal - I like wandering round the supermarket and choosing food, I enjoy doing all the laundry and ironing. I loathe cleaning the kitchen, emptying the dishwasher and washing up, whereas DH quite likes the time to himself in the evening.

I agree. When I was a student and during lockdown? Yep, whole extravagant recipes made from scratch over hours. I made all the components of a proper curry from scratch during the Queen's funeral.

But you have to keep it in proportion as a hobby - what's basically needed is all fed, none dead, and you can achieve that very easily.

Another big point: cooking a different meal from scratch at home every day - let alone a researched international one - only makes for an eeny weeny proportion of human history and culture as a norm. Basically developed Western cultures of the past 70 years or so.

Prior to that and in many other cultures still, the norms were:

• street food/eating out
• servants/communal cooks
• someone with the domestic responsibility for cooking

It really is a very niche expectation to have some "meal planned" dinner served up nightly by working adults.

Thank you for saying this!!

Very well said!
Also in cultures where home cooking is prized (e.g. India, Italy) a lot of food is variations on a theme. Curries for example the varying ratios of ginger-garlic paste, garam masala, and chilli powder for example yields several different dishes.

The problem with trying various different cuisines, I find is that you can rarely buy single-use portions of anything. You buy something new for a single recipe and you then have to work out what to do with it. Fair enough if it's something multipurpose like lemons but not if it's say, harissa paste(if you rarely eat anything else with it). You then get stuck in a cycle of dependencies trying to avoid food waste, which complicates the planning.

This may be a bit too 'scientific' for people but I have store-cupboard staples that work well across many recipes for perishables. Other things that last, so I can experiment (e.g. chili flakes). When i want something new I search for recipes that use what I've already got and if I see any 'new' ingredients I make sure I find other uses for it. I bought things like 5 spice powder because I do a lot of Chinese cooking, steered clear of allspice because from a quick Google most of the recipes featuring weren't things I'd like to cook.

If you do want variety you need to establish some principles, be a bit strategic about it.

As an aside, obviously everyone has different tastes but I love my mother's cooking. She didn't have a massive repertoire but what she did, she did well. The more experience you have with a certain dish/style the better you get at it so actually, quantity over quality can be a bit counterintuitive if you want to eat well.

To be honest, we're currently thriving on meat and two veg dinners. Or, to put it a wanky way, food with short air miles that is UPF free.

Just steamed cauli, broccoli, cabbage type veg plus a well-cooked piece of meat and a portion of potatoes. It takes 20m, no fuss, no planning, and if you focus in on good ingredients and get the knack of not overdoing the veg without working hard at it, hugely tasty.

How often do people actually do ‘deep cleaning’? It’s a term that used to be reserved for the likes of operating theatres.
This thread has reinforced my long held opinion that too many women make martyrs of themselves over housework!

I think of a deep clean as anything you don't prepare food on, clean/relieve yourself on or regularly walk on. So kitchen surfaces, bathtub, floors are all regular clean, and dusting, skirting boards etc deep clean.

But then I don't think of it that much in general, we have a cleaner.