I've always been very solitary, I like my own company, I was a very shy kid, my friendship group fell apart in early high school when everybody else made new friends, and I didn't. I haven't had any friends since. In my 20s, I got through a lot of different hobbies, but now in my early 30s, I'm more settled in what I do with my free time and it's becoming a problem.
I play a sport and follow a sports team that attracts very small crowds and it's got to the point where there are a lot of people at both who know who I am and I absolutely hate it. Anybody using my name or asking how work is or commenting on something I said or did at last week's training... It makes me feel so restless and unsettled and sometimes almost upset. I'd quite happily shove my hands over my ears, crawl out of my own skin, walk straight out of the door and never ever return.
Also been in my job for much longer than all my previous jobs so my colleagues know me better than my previous colleagues and I wish they didn't. It's the same story at work with the restlessness and desire to escape every time anybody shows that they know anything about me.
I'll make small talk with anybody, no bother, doesn't worry me at all, but I wish they'd instantly forget me and everything that I've said.
Is this some sort of social anxiety or just a super solitary personality thing? Can I learn to not feel this way? I feel like I should be getting used to it but it's actually getting worse. I'm dwelling on it more and more with every new person who has a clue who I am.