Genuine question - how do you get willpower?

[LylaLee]

To exercise, to run and not stop after one minute?

Also where do you get the willpower to scrub the kitchen floor and to put away laundry.

Forgot to add, willpower to meal plan, prep, and cook healthily?

I imagine how I will feel once it's done

And I imagine how deflated I would feel if I give up

That's usually what I do to push me on. Got me through a marathon 🏃🏼‍♀️

This book was recommended by a MN poster a couple of years ago, and I thoroughly endorse her recommendation. It's about a lot more than cleaning, and includes exercise.

I've tried loads of self help books over the years (am old), and this is the best one I've read, for someone like me who finds it difficult to start or keep up a routine.

How to Keep House While Drowning: A gentle approach to cleaning and organising eBook : Davis, KC: Amazon.co.uk: Kindle Store

As it happens, I need to exercise (unfit old gimmer). So I looked up walking CouchTo5K, and it basically says go out for a futher few minutes nearly every day. And to include rest days.

The book I mentioned above would say an increment of one minute per day, or even no increment, would be progress. It's the first book I've read that seems to understand.

i was born with way too much willpower. I just decide to do something and then do it. I can’t imagine what it must be like not having willpower. It’s one positive of being autistic.

I love that book @SequentialAnalyst .

It's very kindly written.

I can't remember if she has ADHD herself, but I first heard the author talking on an ADHD podcast. (I have ADHD and struggle with getting started a lot. And getting finished 😳)

I have good intentions and I want to do all the things, it just takes an inordinate amount of working myself up to it. :(

If you can't have willpower, then you need discipline

Thanks

I don't, i do them without any will power because a therapist once said to me 'you do hundreds of things everyday without needed motivation/will power. You just do them. So why are these tasks any different?'

Think of all the things you do, that you don't decide beforehand if you cannot can't be bothered, you just do them. Such as getting dressed before work. You just do the first step, then the next and carry on till done. No need for an assessment of your internal drive to get it done.

It’s not willpower you need for a lot of things, it’s motivation and overcoming inertia.

To run, once you’ve got outside (well done! hardest part!) then follow a plan like Couch to 5K and let someone else on the app/podcast tell you when to run and when to walk.

To scrub the kitchen floor and put away laundry that’s a starting/overcoming inertia thing - set an alarm and just start when it goes off.

Meal planning and meal prep is a pain in the arse. Do the thinking bit only once - 7 healthy but quick meals, list the ingredients and make a shopping list. Repeat next week!

I do find a lot of time it's getting started that's the hard bit. Keeping going is fine.

Running - try couch to 5k, a favourite playlist or podcast, a specific task (ie run to the co op with a backpack on to get a loaf of bread)

Scrub kitchen floor - no idea, never done this

Put away laundry - podcast for sure. I've made my life easier by only washing one person's clothes at a time. No sorting out of laundry into people's piles, it's already sorted. It's just putting away. I'm not being over dramatic to say that's been life changing.

Meal plan - relatively new to this but I'm thinking of creating a big bank of meals (say, 35?) and just choosing 7 from that bank each week (perhaps 5 and letting the older kids choose one each). That way I'm not having to think up meals every single week. Also, those free magazine at the supermarket often have decent and easy recipes in them, so grab one for some new ideas.

I have a list of things I need to do most days, with approximate timings. Mentally crossing stuff of the list is rewarding and gives me a boost to tackle the next item.

Having exercise as Number One on the list helps. I always feel more energized and motivated after my 50 minutes with Ms Girvan 😎

What Motivates me is that I want to have free time over the weekends. I decide what I want to do then I know that jobs must get done so I can enjoy my weekend and not stress about all the laundry and cleaning.

I also hate waking up to a messy house so kitchen and living room tidied and cleaned every night. It doesn't take long if it's done regularly.

I don't run because I don't enjoy it but I do walk regularly and aim to get 7000 steps a day. Put a podcast or music on if it helps.
Follow the couch to 5k and just do what they say.

Eating healthily. We all enjoy our treats but it's important to get vitamins, protein and nutrients to help our bodies function. I always think of food has a function and isn't just for our tastebuds.
Read up on it.

Oh and listen to a bbc programme on ultra processed food. It was on iplayer when I listened to it.

I don't have discipline, although I've tried repeatedly to be disciplined. It doesn't work for me - I just feel resentful. Noone tells me what to do, not even me!!

It’s not willpower you need, it’s discipline. You just do it whether you like it or not and the more you do it the easier it gets. My discipline is waning at the moment though because I’m always so bloody knackered.

YouTube.

If I want to get off my arse and do some exercise I watch fat programmes, the more ch5 the better. I often watch them from the exercise bike or cross trainer.

If I want to plan a healthy weeks food, I watch the fat junk food programmes.

Only human is a good channel.

If I want to clean I watch how clean is your house or obsessive compulsive cleaners.

Have you ever come across the ‘Four Tendencies’ personality framework by Gretchen Rubin? It’s all about how we respond to expectations, both outer and inner ones. It’s interesting stuff.

@JaiynDough said
If I want to clean I watch how clean is your house or obsessive compulsive cleaners.

I love watching the occasional programme like this even these days, and loved Kim and Aggie's prog way back when.

Such programmes make me feel my house is not that bad after all

(Yes, that's a joke, but it's also the truth... And I'm a little guilty about enjoying a programme with a MH issue at the centre of it. Most of the hoarders just fill up their house again , as reported on many MN threads, and at the end of some of the programmes.)

Habits, start small, build up. Remember you don’t need to want to do something to do it. And don’t give your brain time to argue, eg about whether you get out of bed. Do it and think about it afterwards. And it’s a virtuous circle which will help with motivation.

I think the way to do it is to turn it into something you enjoy. So if you want to do more exercise, the key thing is to find an exercise you look forward to doing - I think most people have one! Then you won't need willpower. Or exercise with a friend to make it enjoyable.

Putting away laundry or ironing - can you put on headphones and listen to music / a podcast / an audiobook at the same time?

It's more important not to overeat, no big dinner in the evening, no sweets. Also, brisk walk is sufficient.

If it's only up to you to cook and clean, it should be easy.

In my own case, I beg to differ, thanks to my long experience of being me.
I'll leave you all to it, but continue to lurk

You need habits not will power - nobody needs will power to brush their teeth they just do it because that's what they do when getting ready for bed or whatever.

BJ Fogg's book tiny habits is brilliant (but if you listen to him on a couple of podcasts you'll have the important stuff) & he uses a recipe to add new habits.

when I X I will do Y (tiny achievement) then celebrate

after I brush my teeth I will do one squat then high five myself (you can do as many squats as you like but the one is the habit so by all means build up to 50 but on the day you're running late/CBA/ feel unwell you still keep the habit because you only need to do one)

the celebration part is hard for me 😂

OP, find out if you have ADHD. If you do, your meds will provide 'willpower'.

For exercise I have an app where I mark off when I've done my exercise for the day. It's not a specific habit tracking app just somewhere I can look to easily see how I am doing. When I was pregnant I put it in ovia. Now I put it in my cycle tracking app (fertility friends).

Meal planning I just do when I have 5 minutes. When I've got more time I look for new recipes to try but at the moment we're in a bit of a rut.

I don't buy unhealthy snacks. That way you only need willpower in the shop not to buy them and not throughout the day at home not to eat them.

A big vice for me was sugary drinks but since I've found an alternative (unsweetened cold brew ice tea - Ahmad teas do an amazing mango and lychee one) I don't find myself craving them. It helps that my go to sugary drink is now full of artificial sweeteners and so tastes totally different and quite horrible.

For me, it's about motivation more than willpower. I think about where I want to be in a year's time for example (re diet) and what will happen if I don't do what's necessary.

I also reward myself - I find little treats that aren't linked to eating chocolate all day. So I feel like I'm not depriving myself of anything good.

I also think doing unhealthy things can be linked to ritual - like having alcoholic drinks in the evening, so I find something that is equally nice, to replace it with. Like alcohol free g&t.

Exercise is shocking for me so I just go for a walk every day, sometimes shirt, sometimes longer and log the steps. Me and dh get slightly competitive, which is motivating.

So far as housework is concerned, I just the bug to start cleaning. I don't feel relaxed in a dirty house and I have two very moulting(sp?) cats, so this is a big motivation to clean.

So for me, it's about finding reasons to feel motivated and rewarding myself (usually with nice vinted purchases).