Help me find myself. Please...

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I'm 49. Perimenopausal but not really feeling any ill effects from it yet (except maybe this?)

I lost weight recently. The last time I was this weight, I was 32. I was happy with myself then. I'm not now.

I have a good skincare routine and look younger than I did 5 years ago. My skin isn't showing many signs of ageing yet...

I do my own weekly maincures/pedicures so I take care of that.

I don't wear much make up, a little but not much, but never really have and I'm ok with that.

I eat well (for nutrition and taste not comfort).

I have hobbies, a decent partner, I go out and socialise but I don't really have any friends, a full tike demanding kobs children who are either independent or pretty much there, but I'm in a real slump.

I feel lazy, unattractive and I can't be arsed generally. I feel ridiculous and self conscious having sex because I no longer feel desirable. I don't flirt with my partner anymore because I can't imagine how or why he'd be interested. I feel like I'm 'in the way' if we go out together.

I almost feel like I don't have a right to expect anymore or to even be here sometimes. Not in an 'unalive' way, just in a whats the point? way.

What can I do to get out of the slump? And feel vibrant, attractive and 'me' again?

I feel like I've become (made myself?) very small

Could be peri hormonal imbalance?

I feel most like myself when I’m planning my career - reviewing opportunities or paths for progression, chasing a promotion, studying for a new qualification. Could that be what you need?

Or if you do any sports/exercise, work towards getting better at it, improving your personal bests? Weightlifting is great.

Find what spurs you on to become competitive, and do more of it.

Please try hrt. I really think what you're feeling is hormonal. Don't let anyone fob you off by saying you have depression. It's generally utter bollocks for peri women. You've lost your mojo, hrt may help you get it back. The only other thing I would recommend is a kick arse sweat til you puke exercise regime 4 or 5 days a week. Something that gets your heart rate way up for around 30mins.

Thanks. I don't do any sport. I'm so exhausted at the end of a day at work that it's all I can do to not go to bed at 8.30pm! I used to do yoga, BMF, go to the gym but I'm just not interested in it anymore.

Careerwise, I work on a contract basis. Unless I take on a permanent role, I can't really change that. I have thought about taking on a permanent role more recently but I've always enjoyed the flexibility. It was important when the children were younger and i was a single parent but now I find I'm working as though I was permanently employed just without the security. So maybe it's worth pursuing that.

I just completely lack the motivation though 😩

One of my hobbies is something that can be developed but it's having the time.

Thanks.

I'm not depressed. I know that. It feels different.

I'd go to the doctors but appointments are like hen's teeth and I haven't seen one in years now!

Can you go.private for this? The menopause board on here should give you all the info you need on how to access hrt. But also, make the appointment with your gp. It comes under 'don't let anyone fob you off'. You need help, hrt might be the help.you need, see your gp to get hrt.