How to get a 9 year old/Year 5 organised before Secondary when they hate organisation?

[HatesOrganisationSoWont]

DD is 9, Year 5. Has Dyslexia, Dyspraxia and a medical condition.

She hates being organised. We’ve been late to school because she absolutely refuses to be hurried or rushed.

She won’t use a bag at all, we’ve tried different kinds she just refuses to put anything in it or carry it – now she’s Year 5 it’s starting to get difficult for her. She now has to carry water bottle, lunch box, PE kit (which is also not in a bag, she literally carries her tshirt, joggers and trainers) and sometimes an instrument as well (last year it was a glockenspiel, this year it’ll be a violin – these are provided by the school) she just doesn’t have enough hands and it’s unsustainable.

The schools I’ve looked at for her for after Primary don’t have lockers or they have lockers for Year 11 only. Not that I think she’d use it as she refuses to use her tray at school then gets upset when stuff goes missing. She will use her peg for her coat (which basically gets carried to school, hangs on her peg and then gets carried home again even in the depths of winter).

Consequences don’t work. We tried letting her drop things while she was walking and she just walks on and doesn’t care, if we let her get in trouble for not having the right stuff she just shrugs and doesn’t learn from it.

School are stumpted. Usually by this point in Primary they’ve learnt or found a bag they like or another way round it.

At home she’s the same, will leave her toys, rubbish, anything on the floor and literally doesn’t care if I take them away. She does Scouts which we thought might help but it doesn’t help. Her room is honestly so bad I can’t even open the door. She also sleeps with about 1000 million toys on her bed and doesn’t care, she either just dumps them on the floor or leaves them. If I tidy it up it’s messy again the moment she sees it tidy.

She is fine getting things out of drawers/trays/toy boxes but won’t put them away.

Do I just have to let her get on with and sink at Secondary? What will Secondary do that might make her take notice? I don’t think she can easily carry all her books + PE kit + food tech ingredients etc. for a day and walk the 1.1miles (or more) to the nearest secondary.

Any tips?

And is this normal?

I had a chat with DDs teacher and we made a plan.

She was referred to OT but we're not hopeful as they've been pretty rubbish in the past.

So school plan is to give her a small object to look after but it's not allowed to be on show in the classroom or cloakroom, it has to be kept put away until the teacher asks for it back. DD was a bit resistent the first few days, she was given a teddy that sits on the teachers desk. It's tiny but teacher uses it for some lessons so serves a purpose.

DD cried the first few days and gave it back after 5 minutes so the TA guided her to put it in either her tray or her coat pocket the 3rd time. She kept going to her coat to check it that 3rd day but managed an hour and they're slowly building up. They've stopped it for a few days now so that it doesn't become a thing and the rest of the class wanting a go

They've also been showing her that things don't go missing in bags, by her being able to give the teacher something anything; its her favourite keyring that I bought for her schoolbag thats never been on it, at the moment. Teacher puts it into her desk draw or her bag and shows DD often that its still there, and DD gets it back at the end of the day.

At the same time at home I'm also working on it by showing her with shopping bags, so when we go shopping I show her the things in the trolley and then put them in the bag they "disappear" but "reappear" at home exactly the same. I also let DD take a photo or whatevers needed.

It's slow, and DD is still extremely anxious and trying to carry everything so i think it'll be a whole year thing rather than a few weeks but hopefully it sinks in.

Ah that's interesting, so she's literally anxious about things going missing if she can't see them, is that it?

It is fab your teacher is being supportive, I hope it works.
Much better to address in Primary than wait for her to fail in secondary.

That is very interesting and not at all like she “hates organisation”. Speaking to her teacher was a good idea and it sounds like you have a good plan in place that addresses the root cause.

That sounds like a lovely plan, I'm so pleased teacher was helpful. And well done DD for taking those initial steps! I really hope it works out for her, but if she still struggles you will have a better understanding of what the problem is and solid basis to ask secondary school for additional support.

If she likes Scouts has she gone camping with them?

@crumblingschools Yes she loved camping but was the child who turned up with lots of things she didn't need and not much of the stuff she did despite me having the kit list and trying to not let her take it.

She didn't use a bag then either but as we dropped off at the camp and picked up from there it wasn't an issue as such

I was wondering whether she had had to carry a rucksack somewhere @HatesOrganisationSoWont

@crumblingschools No, they were due to do a walk on Camp but there was a torrential downpour so they cancelled it due to slipping risk.

Unfortunately the last few days haven't gone to plan.

She's back to refusing to check her PE bag for kit, and when TA points out it's her kit in her bag with her name on she gets very distressed and refuses to wear it. She'll happily do it in her uniform or sit out, she doesn't care which.

We're meeting again next week if it doesn't improve to discuss next steps.

What she is doing must make sense to her somehow.
She needs to see someone who can tease out of her what that reason is.

Might this transparent bag help?

What happens if the TA takes the kit out for her, is it still upsetting? Sounds like she has a lot to work on. Whatever is going on in her head it has been going on a long time and won't be solved overnight.

Something like worrying about insects in bags? Things coming out of the bag smelling wrong?

It's increasingly clear this is not disorganisation or disobedience, it's disability of some kind. Wether very specific bag-related phobia of some kind of part of a bigger picture. This is something school really need to help you and her get to the bottom of.