It's rude to ask a ladies age?

[OKbutwhyplease]

Oh I couldn't ask a ladies age.
It's rude to ask a ladies age.

Please help a non Brit understand?

I've never understood why it's rude to ask a ladies age but seemingly not a man? Not that I particularly care about age but it's a statement I hear fairly often particularly around birthdays.

Why would it be rude to ask a age anyhow?

It used to be incredibly rude, I think not as much anymore. I wouldn't be a bit bothered about this but I know my mother never revealed her age to anyone, not even me. Neither did my grandmother. In fact she was worried people would know her age when she died! It's ridiculous and childish. I think its become an old fashioned outdated thing, I wouldn't hesitate to ask someone I believed to be my age but would not ask a person older than me in case they had different views. That's just my opinion, I'd be interested to know what others think. Also I'm Irish not British and usually these social conventions are the same but occasionally we are different so don't just take my word for it.

It's traditionally rude because a woman's value was linked to her fertility and youth.

Nowadays it's still rude because women still face worse agism than men in the workplace. Why do women spend a fortune on botox and fillers and facelifts etc if not to disguise their age so they are not dismissed and considered irrelevant. Or 'a certain age' and struggling in the workplace due to 'the change' (thanks Davina). And frankly, why do you need to know?

It's linked to deep-seated ageism in our society. Old = bad. In some cultures it wouldn't be rude because people would be proud to have reached an advanced age.

I can’t see why you would need to

I think its rude especially in the work place as women are judged on their age.

I'm not sure where the sweet spot age-wise is - a young woman is too inexperienced, in her 30s perhaps 40s she's got child care commitments, over 50s she's over the hill/redundant - potentially literally.

The equivalent for men is that young men are dynamic/the future, middle age men have to finance a family so give them the pay rise, over 50 he's got bags of experience/gravitas.

So if you ask me my age, I expect to be judged in a way my husband isn't.

linked to deep-seated ageism in our society. Old = bad. In some cultures it wouldn't be rude because people would be proud to have reached an advanced age
This.
It's a mix of sexism and ageism, as if an older women is worth less, has less to offer, isn't worth listening to.
It's probably tied in with ideas of youth, fertility and also deep rooted misogyny that views women through a male gaze.

It has long been considered bad manners to ask.

This. ❤️

PS @OKbutwhyplease good rule of thumb really, would you think it rude/neutral about asking a man's age? Would you need to know (all other things being equal) how old a man was? Would you even find yourself thinking "wonder how old he is?" If the answer is no, then you don't need to know how old a woman is.

I wouldn't ask anyone, man or woman, how old they are. It seems rude to ask such a personal question.

Yep, bloody nosy if you ask me.

I'm not personally that concerned about my looks/aging but I feel have to not look too old at work in case it impacts on how I'm treated. My husband has no such qualms.

I don’t see why you would need to ask a woman’s age tbh.
If they want you to know they will tell you

It's an outdated view in my opinion. I'm mid 30's. Happy to be asked my age and also have no qualms with asking anyone else their age if I need to in my work. Man or woman. It's not something I make a point of doing if it's not relevant to the conversation. What I do find rude is when people say things like 'you're too young to remember such and such show/song/celebrity/major worldwide event' or 'you're too young to have aches/pains/struggle with movement blah blah blah'. It's actually usually other women that do this weird competitive/superior memory thing, and they don't even need to be too much older than yourself.

Anyone can work this out - women suffer from agism more than men.

I wouldn’t ask anyone mind you, given it’s an ageist world all round.

Ask something more interesting instead

AGEISM

I’m really surprised at the people who still think it’s a personal question. I thought it was a really old fashioned view which went off the window when women started having careers and their own passports.

With respect - you are too young to have been hit by ageism yet, possibly at 40, certain at 45 and again at 50 you will feel it ramping up. It hits women much harder than men (you can see this in earning and promotion data).

You might feel differently when you are in your 50s
Unless essential for some reason I'd suggest you don't ask women you don't know

You not minding doesn't override the fact that ageism is alive and well

@foretfauna ever called anyone a 'Boomer' or a 'Karen' or said 'oh, they're close to retirement, they won't be interested in applying for that job' or rolled your eyes when an older colleague says 'we did that 10 years ago then because it wasn't working for x, y, z reasons swapped to the current way of doing it'?

What about yourself. Had any botox yet? Dying your hair yet?

I’m really surprised at the people who still think it’s a personal question. I thought it was a really old fashioned view which went off the window when women started having careers and their own passports
Women routinely deal with sexism in the workplace, directly and indirectly.

I feel like a lot of the 'oh this surely isn't an issue' probably comes from women who are too young to have experienced the nasty combination of ageism and sexism, just like it's very easy pre-children to think that older feminists are making something of nothing and then reality hits.

(FWIW I've not experienced sexism/ageism combination in the workplace personally but have seen it with colleagues)

Traditionally age is regarded as part of a woman’s ‘mystery', but like a lot of traditions, this is changing. Also not many people say ladies any more, women is more common. I hope this helps.

I can't imagine many social situations where you would ask someone's age. Unless you're in charge of buying tickets for something, I suppose.

Depends on context. I don’t think it’s any more rude to ask a woman than a man nowadays, but equally I think there are many contexts where it’s rude to ask anybody their age. I wouldn’t find it rude between good friends or family etc but not something I would ask a random acquaintance or colleague etc.

I'd never ask anyone their age. I've thought it was a rude question since I was a child, I always HATED being asked my age.

Maybe it’s because most of the places that I’ve worked are female dominated?

Im 50 so probably in the bracket where it becomes an issue potentially but I haven’t seen ageism being an issue for men or women (other than female colleagues of a similar age to me wanting to talk about the menopause a lot and putting everything down to that).