Conversational re-enactors driving me insane!

[FlamMabel]

Please help me! There are two women at my work (a school, but I'm not a teacher) who re-enact conversations as if I am the Year 11, or a contractor who is in the wrong in some way. So as an example the conversation will go:
Me: How is the start of term going for you?
Them: Well, I'm getting on top of my Year 9 and their organisation, "every week I'll be looking at your planner and if you haven't written down your homework properly,or your parent hasn't signed it off, you will stay in for five minutes every break time. But if you manage it properly you will be rewarded with..." (And it goes on like that for AGES with gesturing AT me as if I am the child.)
Another colleague does it, often when she is angry with someone else and often to me in public so it looks like she's publicly telling me off?!?
Please help me! Does anyone else know people like this? What do I do?!

I don't know what you mean by conversational re-enactors, aren't they just self centered bores?

Don't talk to them unless you have to; always have something urgent to do as soon as they open their mouth.

By reenactment I mean they play out a conversation they've had/or want to have WITH SOMEONE ELSE and direct it to me as if I'm that person. I find myself effectively getting a telling off quite often and in public for such things as not getting my homework diary signed by my parents and/or smoking on the premises (I'm not a smoker!).

But you're not getting told off.

I know! But it feels as if I am and crucially, looks to passers by as if I am! These women are even wagging their fingers at me?! I'm 46, I haven't got a homework diary!!

I’d just be screaming in my head and avoid talking to them wherever I can. What an annoying habit!

Don't ever ask them a question about anything

I get what you mean. I know someone like this at work. Twice another person has come over to intervene and check things are OK because they thought the person was genuinely having a massive go at me. Because that is what it looks like, as she re enacts the anger she felt as she tells me about an incident.

I get what you mean. My mum and uncle did this, act out how they had a go at someone as if they were doing it to me. So uncomfortable!

I also get the wagging finger, aggressive posture and no social space as she tells me about something. It is weird.

My line manager is one of these types. It’s always funny when she catches herself and pauses awkwardly. I just nod along

So they're telling you what they're doing, in answer to your question about what they're doing, and looking at you while they speak to you and you feel told off? They're telling you what they've told Year 9? The bit about checking books?

I hate people who do this. I find it embarrassing because they make it look like I'm bitching or gossiping about others.

Yes! They're literally saying "you've forgotten your homework book, and now I'll have to give you a demerit because that's three in a row and we've had this conversation before haven't we? And now looks what has happened again, you know I'll have to put you in a lunchtime detention unless you improve" and I'm just standing there like a lemon awkwardly wondering why she's directing this to me with her wagging finger?!

Thought this was going to be about civil war reenactment bores. [Grin]

My supervisor does this in work, literally glares, goes nose to nose and snarls the row she had with someone else,

bloody funny (annoying at times though) we all know what she’s like though so just ignore it

Just stop talking to them, if they come into a room where you are just leave with a breezy "Hope your day's going well!" then leave before they can say anything else

I would stop them mid rant and say 'I'm really sorry but I find it a bit awkward when you talk to me as if I'm someone else. Maybe it's just me, but I don't really like being told off when I didn't do anything wrong'

I hate this. I just start laughing and saying, for example “Yes haha I’m glad you said that to them! They need to be dragged into line haha” so if anyone’s watching I’m not standing awkwardly looking like I am actually being told off. Or, if I’m close to them I’d say “Can you stop yelling at me in public? People are looking!”

So weird!

I know what you mean. I would put up a flat hand ✋ and kind of humorously go “whoa there Sharon, it kind of feels like you’re telling ME off” — to hopefully nudge the person back to self-awareness.

And beyond that, if you genuinely feel passers-by will believe you are being lectured, adjust your listening posture. Don’t “stand there like a lemon” as you said. Stand there like someone who is politely indulging eccentric behaviour: tip your head towards her, wear a very faint smile of tolerance, nod along and if you see anyone glance over, give them the tiniest briefest amused smile like you are silently going “it’s fine, I’m just indulging her long story”

This is sort of hilarious. Could you just say 'blimey I feel like I've been told off myself now!' or something?

My Dh does it when he's pissed off with ds17 about something. He re-enacts the conversation he wants to have...but since he's my Dh I just tell him to pack it in and actually have the conversation with ds! It does drive me nuts though so I feel your pain.