My child has no friends in school

[leather2099]

And it's heartbreaking 💔

What can I do to help and support her.

She has severe ADHD so can be very bouncy but has a great heart and very caring.

She is quite immature in terms of the games she likes to play, power rangers and very imaginative things whereas it seems from what she says the other girls have outgrown this.

I ask her what she does and she says she thinks and imagines friends in her head 😕

I've sent a polite note to the teacher to make her aware that my daughter is lonely at school but there's not much realistically she can do.

We do outside of school activities and she makes friends really easily so I can't understand this but it makes me feel so sad for her.

Any advice 🙏🏼

How old is she?

Play dates?

incite kids o we to yours for tea?

How old is she? I’ve found in primary I need to make an effort with the mums/parents and that way I can invite kids over to play dates and then they are reciprocated.

Dd wasn’t invited to any parties in the first year, but once I really made an effort with the mums she’s always at play dates and birthdays now.

Obviously if she is in high school it’s a bit trickier. But are there any clubs she can join? Even ones outside of school might work?

Are there any lunchtime activities at school that your daughter can do?

How old is she?
To be honest if she's unhappy I'd move her.

How old is she?

If Primary maybe suggest she looks to join in some games that the boys are playing? My DS(8) always plays with both boys and girls, and from what I can gather, the girls who join them are the more adventurous, imaginative sorts who like made-up games, or ‘playing’ Minecraft etc role play games.

Our school also has a ‘friendship bench’ which is, apparently, well supported by the school and lunchtime staff so that no child should have no one to play with.

I’m not sure there isn’t anything the school can’t do, the friendship bench sounds like a great idea for one. Do they have the capacity to offer any break time clubs?

honestly though, it may just be that she doesn’t fit in with the particular children she’s at school with. I think I would ask for her to be put with another class to see if things improved and otherwise I would seriously consider changing schools.

My DS has ADHD and had similar issues at primary - particularly the further up the school he got. For him I don’t think it was just that he was a bit ‘too much’ in the playground but also in the classroom. Although strangely the girls were nicer to him than the boys! It’s very common with kids with ADHD sadly.

I do however think this can sometimes also be down to peer group on the class. For various reasons my DS was moved to the other class towards the end of primary - different group of children - tbh a kinder group who were a bit less ‘trying to be grown up’ themselves ( and also possibly experiencing him when he had a bit more self control?). It was pretty traumatic at first but after the initial months he was really accepted by that class and made some proper friends. It really surprised me the huge difference it made.

Is your daughter on the SEN register/have an EHCP? Is she getting any support in learning about making and maintaining friendships at all? If the school is helpful it may be worth exploring this with them and seeing is she can get support. Perhaps contact the SENCO as it sounds like your daughter needs support. Many kids with adhd find friendships difficult. Similarly I think there are things the class teacher can do, so definitely pursue that.

If she makes friends out of school then ( as I am sure you do) maybe try and nurture these more?

There is stuff the teachers can do - raise it! They can help with social stories, lunchtime clubs, lunchtime games all sorts.
be brave and tell a friendly mum that she is struggling arrange a play date
join clubs like cubs
making friends is a skill like any other and can be managed x

Sorry I also assumed primary! Although even if secondary the point re getting support in this area still stands.