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Original poster

I don’t want to do the school run for high school WWYD?

47 replies

LadyOutside · 08/09/2023 17:25

My DD has started secondary school this week. My DS is already there. She’s got 2 friends Amy and Lisa (not real names) who live close to us.

When my DS started he got the bus from the 1st day with his friend Paul (not real name). When covid happened Paul’s dad started taking them in the car instead which has continued since then. They usually walk home though as the bus is unreliable. It’s less than 2 miles away and down hill, it takes about 25 mins.

Paul’s dad would be happy to take my DD too however she naturally wants to go with her own friends. Amy’s dad has been taking them in the car every day as he says it’s on his way to work anyway. Lisa’s mum has been doing the pick ups at home time.

Lisa’s mum has now asked us to arrange which days we will be doing pick ups as she doesn’t want to do it every day. I said I would do 2 days next week but I really don’t want to do this all the time! I think it’s ridiculous and they are quite capable of walking home like my DS. I hate the school run and I just don’t want to do it now they’re at high school! I am actually doing 2 days a week in the morning from now on for my DS, Paul and DD (if she wants to join us, but she’s chosen to go with Amy instead). I’m sucking this up because it is easier for them to get a lift in the mornings, the bus service is rubbish and it’s all up hill.

The problem is I feel I have to do pick ups as well otherwise I will be a CF if my DD accepts lifts and we don’t reciprocate. She can’t walk with her brother as he has extra gcse classes and I don’t want her walking on her own. I think Amy’s parents might be OK with her walking but Lisa’s mum seems to think her DD can’t and I don’t want to create an awkward situation by refusing to do it.

Ugh what would you do in this situation?

OP posts:
WhiteFire · 08/09/2023 18:24

I would stop the going with Lisa and Amy and go with Paul and her brother. She can then go to the library after school and wait for her brother.

Tbh though, it is annoying short journeys like this that add significant time to my commute as I battle traffic with kids in cars that could easily walk.

tigger1001 · 08/09/2023 18:31

The other parents are being way too soft. Bus or walk is fine.

I would be happy if the other parents didn't want to give lifts to my child because I wasn't prepared to give lifts back. Mine get the bus. Our school is a fair distance away so it's a school bus but they know if they miss that, it's the service bus.

They are also pretty happy to get the bus at weekends - at least one way rather than me dropping/picking up all weekend.

Added bonus - we are in Scotland so they get free bus travel. Means my eldest isn't paying a small fortune for his bus fares to college either.

Original poster
LadyOutside · 08/09/2023 18:34

For those feeling sorry for Paul’s dad - it was completely his choice to do that and I couldn’t as I had to take my DD to school in the other direction at the same time. They knew this as the boys have been best friends since reception and we know each other well.

Both me and DH have picked up the boys on numerous occasions when it’s been bad weather. In fact we did this before he started doing the mornings.

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Redwinestillfine · 08/09/2023 18:38

My Dd us walking half an hour there and another half an hour back. Every day. I have no intention of giving her a lift unless it's absolutely lashing down. Start as you mean to go on.

Original poster
LadyOutside · 08/09/2023 18:41

I work full time but go into the office once a week. When I’m wfh I might have meetings at late notice so this is another reason I don’t want to commit to this.

OP posts:
wellandtruly · 08/09/2023 18:45

I would expect secondary school pupils to do the journey by themselves - unless there are unusual circumstances. I don’t think there are any here.

Murpe · 08/09/2023 18:59

I get that your DD wants to go with her friends, but if the arrangement that you're making for her is that she has to go with Paul's dad (as he's said it's not a problem) then I'd probably not give her the choice until you feel comfortable with her walking alone, or if Amy's and Lisa's parents choose that for their daughters too.

I give one of DS' friends a lift home every day - his parents are working and otherwise he'd walk, and it doesn't bother me at all that it's not a reciprocal arrangement, so Paul's dad doesn't seem taken advantage of to me. He could, after all, just withdraw the offer at any time (as could I).

Personally, I would never get into a formal lift-share situation, but am happy to give lifts to other kids on an ad hoc basis. Never in the mornings though; mornings are far too chaotic in our house.

Jwhb · 08/09/2023 19:10

You should offer to reciprocate the lifts in for your DS & Paul in the morning, now that you have no other journey to make. His dad deserves the break after the kind favour he's been doing for you.

If you have a standard car, you can reasonably take DD and offer lifts to one of DDs friends, but not both, which is tricky. But at least then you won't have to be made to feel guilty about lifts home.

Your DD can walk home unless there is a reason this is not safe. Hopefully her friends will join her.

stichguru · 27/09/2023 22:23

I think you have 2 options:

  1. If you are happy for your kid to walk, but ONLY with these friends, then say something like "I am thinking that the kids are old enough to walk themselves if they are together, what do you guys think?" If they agree that that is actually a good idea, go through together with the kids, how they will walk, who will call for who etc and let the kids walk. If the other parents seem unhappy with the idea, then say have your kid go in the car pool, and agree to do your share of the lifts.

  2. If you are happy for your kid to walk ALONE if other parents don't want their kids walking, then "Oh my kid will be walking to school and back, so I won't be doing school runs, obviously they could all walk together if you are happy with that", but then realise that your kid maybe walking alone.

If the other parents car pool, then you can't duck out of the car pool, but expect your kid to be taken. Same goes for the other parent.

fruitbrewhaha · 27/09/2023 22:31

It’s only twice a week op. And are you sure it only takes 25 mins?. That’s quite a pace to walk two miles. You don’t want your dd to walk back on her own. Soon the weather will be cold and wet, do you really want to your kids to be soaked before they’ve even started their day.

Alwayswonderedwhy · 27/09/2023 22:31

No way would I be driving secondary school kids to and from school if it's only a 25 minute walk. Just say no.

Redwinestillfine · 28/09/2023 23:25

Get her to walk. It's only 25 minutes and if she does it others will follow.

Bouncyball23 · 28/09/2023 23:30

You don't want dd walking alone then you have no choice to pick up!

Famfirst · 09/03/2024 17:46

I'd do the school runs and indeed have done through primary, secondary, college etc for all of mine. Whether you hate it or not really isn't important, the safety and welfare children is what matters.

CuteCillian · 09/03/2024 17:55

I don’t want her walking on her own Then you have to reciprocate afternoon pick-ups in my opinion.
Why don't you want DD to walk home? She may well find a new pal who lives in her direction and it is only positive if she can extend her social group.

Donthideyourlight · 09/03/2024 17:58

Offer to meet them on foot! They'd be mortified to be seen in public with a mum so will say no way, we'll walk on our own

Blackhorse32 · 09/03/2024 18:00

This is from September, so I am sure they have sorted something in the last few months.

Beezknees · 09/03/2024 18:10

Famfirst · 09/03/2024 17:46

I'd do the school runs and indeed have done through primary, secondary, college etc for all of mine. Whether you hate it or not really isn't important, the safety and welfare children is what matters.

Some of us have jobs and can't wait on our teen DC all day. Taking a 16/17 year old to college for "safety" reasons is ridiculous. If you want to do it, fair enough but it's not at all necessary for safety.

TempleOfBloom · 09/03/2024 18:15

I would do some days now but be very clear and say ‘by half term after Easter they’ll all be fine to walk home, like my Ds does, won’t they? I’m not picking Dd up from school til she’s 18!”

Yearendjoy · 09/03/2024 18:16

ZOMBIE THREAD!!!

reluctantbrit · 09/03/2024 18:30

25 minutes is hardly anything, DD does this when she has to be fast or otherwise it‘s 30-40 minutes. She did it together with some friends from primary school but after 4 weeks that stopped, the girls were all in different forms and made new friends locally to walk with.

I may drop her off when I am going shopping on my day off or if the weather is such that she would be soaked arriving at school.

But otherwise school runs are a thing of the past when she started Y6.

I definitely wouldn‘t want to be committed to school runs, especially when the girls may not continue their friendship.

museumum · 09/03/2024 18:44

I wouldn’t want my dc getting into the habit of getting lifts both ways. Walking or taking the bus is physically healthier and important for self-reliance and building independence. I’d push for walking home. But if you’re taking lifts to school you need to give some too.

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