Saying no to a drink

[Astrid01]

A couple of months ago I met a guy I used to work with for a catch up drink. I thought we were just friends, had been out for drinks via work in the past but as a group. To be very clear, I was very much thinking I was catching up with a friend.
I met him after work in a pub. When I got there, it became clear that he thought it was something else. He asked me what excuse I'd prepared in case anyone saw us, had snuck away from work without telling anyone them he was meeting me, and had lied to his wife who he was with!
I'm still friends with a few people from my old work so to be honest, I was expecting a few of them to pop up as well.
Over the course of a couple of hours, he asked me to give him a blow job, kept trying to force the conversation about sex and trying to get us to move on to a much more 'date type' bar. I felt so uncomfortable and awkward, i just didn't want to be there. In the end I just said I had to go home and left. He started trying to walk with me but then seemed to realise I was serious and he went home as well (different direction from town centre)

He's just messaged me asking if I fancy another drink one Friday. I am not going. Would it be reasonable to message back and say something like

Your behaviour last time we met up was very weird and made me extremely uncomfortable. I don't know what you thought but as far as I'm concerned we were strictly mates and that's it. So no I would not like to meet you for a drink.

I feel like I should say why I don't want too as I want him to know he crossed many lines. I don't want to make an excuse as he'll keep asking.
All message suggestions gratefully received

I think that sounds fine. Just block if he gives you grief.

I would go with something that shuts down the conversation more. Perhaps "I am not looking for a relationship at the moment so probably best we don't meet up"

I wouldn't worry about offending him - he asked you for a blow job - I mean that is pretty rancid and inappropriate behaviour if you WERE on a date. It was completely unacceptable directed at someone who thought it was just social catch up with an old colleague. TBH I would have walked out there and then.

I would be more blunt - "your behaviour was completely inappropriate and made me very uncomfortable. I do not wish to meet up with you again because of that."

@Ginmonkeyagain I wish I had, I was so uncomfortable and spent the next half hour wondering if it was too soon to leave until I'd had enough of it all.

I am probably overthinking but very stressed at the moment so I needed some clarity.
I'm off to work but will send the message later on.
Thank you all

So I sent him a message that just said last time your behaviour was weird and made me uncomfortable so no thank you.

He replied saying very sorry that wasn't my intention.

I've didn't reply and have deleted him.

I don't think I've ever told anyone that I didn't like their behaviour before. I normally just awkwardly put up with it so I feel a bit proud of myself.

Well done OP, you are right to be proud of yourself.

I think you done the right thing by telling him exactly why you wouldn’t see him again so as to call out his awful behaviour, and also in not replying to his feeble apology.

I met him after work in a pub. When I got there, it became clear that he thought it was something else. He asked me what excuse I'd prepared in case anyone saw us, had snuck away from work without telling anyone them he was meeting me, and had lied to his wife who he was with!
I'm still friends with a few people from my old work so to be honest, I was expecting a few of them to pop up as well.

I don't understand, when you got there, you didn't say "Where's everyone else?" and make it really clear you had come to catch up with old colleagues and friends and had no intention of forming any sort of relationship with him, then left after the first drink.

Over the course of a couple of hours, he asked me to give him a blow job, kept trying to force the conversation about sex and trying to get us to move on to a much more 'date type' bar. I felt so uncomfortable and awkward, i just didn't want to be there.

As has already been said, that is so completely inappropriate, even if you were on a date. Again, why wouldn't you have said "wtf" and walked out there and then ?

You have no reason to be worried about offending him.
In truth, if you are still mates with others at the old work, I'd probably mention the fact he tried to trick you into meeting him alone, and that he behaved really inappropriately to one of them.
Glad you have blocked him in the end .

Stop trying to blame her!

eh ? What are you talking about?

His behaviour was completely inappropriate, as I said. However, we can't control the actions of others, but we can control our response to it.

@UsingChangeofName because I wasn't that bothered it was just him and I didn't type all the conversation verbatim. It didn't just suddenly spring up. I said in my post, he's married so it didn't cross my mind initially that he'd be trying it on. It was a weird situation that has never happened in the 10+years I've known this guy and it confused me.

Anyway I'm focusing on the fact that I did tell him off eventually and the world didn't end. So I will feel more confident in calling someone out in future.

Good on you. Hopefully he may reflect on what you said (unlikely sadly).

Yay well done. Here’s to a future of setting good boundaries with horrible people (as a people pleaser I know it’s not easy).

Anyway I'm focusing on the fact that I did tell him off eventually and the world didn't end. So I will feel more confident in calling someone out in future.

Good