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Original poster

I think I frightened a man half to death last night

32 replies

Parrotcup · 08/09/2023 09:38

I went to the theatre on my own, something I've recently discovered I love doing.

Unusually, this time I was seated next to another person on their own. A man similar age to me.

Anyway I'm not particularly outgoing or chatty but it felt weird sitting next to him for 2 hours without saying hello - the woman on the other side of me, who was with friends, had made smalltalk about the show before it started and in the interval.

So towards the end of the interval, I asked a benign question about the performance. He honestly looked terrified, gave a very short answer and we went back to sitting in silence.

At the end he was gone before the lights came up.

Is it that weird to acknowledge the person next to you at the theatre?

OP posts:
Icycloud · 08/09/2023 09:50

its not a cafe where you’re making conversation

andymary · 08/09/2023 09:50

Not weird, and fair play to you for trying to start a conversation. Maybe it's as simple as him having social anxiety and struggling in those types of situations.

Cattlepillar · 08/09/2023 09:52

Not weird for you to talk to him but also ok for him to not be on board with that. As long as you don't push it when the other person doesn't want to engage then it's fine!

Edit: typo

LadyKenya · 08/09/2023 09:56

He may, or may not have been frightened. More likely he was being wary.

wutheringkites · 08/09/2023 09:59

I wouldn't give this any headspace.

Neither of you were being unreasonable.

Original poster
Parrotcup · 08/09/2023 10:00

wutheringkites · 08/09/2023 09:59

I wouldn't give this any headspace.

Neither of you were being unreasonable.

I know, I'm just getting back "out there" after a torrid time for the last few years. I question my social capabilities constantly.

OP posts:
MarilynBoo · 08/09/2023 10:31

You didn't do anything wrong. I go to the theatre on my own a lot and would be delighted if the person sat beside me made a bit of friendly small talk. I'd have happily chatted back to you!

SunnySideDownBriefly · 08/09/2023 10:33

There's nothing about this situation that should make you question your own social capabilities! This is a classic example of 'it's not you, it's them'...it's human to interact and if he felt uncomfortable then that's 100% on him. Please don't let this interaction deter you. Press on and keep being you.

wutheringkites · 08/09/2023 10:48

I know, I'm just getting back "out there" after a torrid time for the last few years. I question my social capabilities constantly.

Oh ok, sorry. You're fine! Maybe he's having a tough time too.

I hope you enjoyed whatever you went to see. I miss going to the theatre, maybe I should start going solo as well!

HarrietJet · 08/09/2023 10:53

I'd be a bit weirded out by someone chatting to me at the theatre or cinema, tbh. It's not a natural social situation.
But then I absolutely hate getting stuck beside some random on the tube / bus who wants to talk at me, so maybe it's just me.

BillStickersWillBeProsocuted · 08/09/2023 10:54

I remember once i said "bless you" to a man who sneezed on the train,

he looked at me like I said I wanted to eat his liver!

Ozgirl75 · 08/09/2023 11:17

So I don’t normally initiate public chatting, but if someone does, I’m all for it. I’d have happily chatted to you about the performance, how warm it is etc

wutheringkites · 08/09/2023 11:19

BillStickersWillBeProsocuted · 08/09/2023 10:54

I remember once i said "bless you" to a man who sneezed on the train,

he looked at me like I said I wanted to eat his liver!

😂😂😂

purpleme12 · 08/09/2023 11:22

SunnySideDownBriefly · 08/09/2023 10:33

There's nothing about this situation that should make you question your own social capabilities! This is a classic example of 'it's not you, it's them'...it's human to interact and if he felt uncomfortable then that's 100% on him. Please don't let this interaction deter you. Press on and keep being you.

👍👍
I think it's lovely you tried to talk to him.
I always think it's so sad when people react how he did here.
I can't understand it when people are just being friendly

Reepicheepy · 08/09/2023 11:35

I go to the theatre a lot on my own and it’s really common for the person next to me to make some small talk/say hi! Whether they are on their or in a couple

FannyBawz · 08/09/2023 11:36

This is me at the school gates 😂

AtomicBlondeRose · 08/09/2023 11:39

I went to see a Jez Butterworth play on my own and enjoyed it a lot, but it was a really intense piece of theatre. At the interval the extremely middle class man next to me turned and said “and THAT is why they call him the genius of modern English theatre” in a booming RP accent. I did agree tbh but the way he made this pronouncement to me was very funny and I think of it every time I go to the theatre. Anyway I didn’t mind at all and it was nice to connect with someone else when I was on my own.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 08/09/2023 11:58

BillStickersWillBeProsocuted · 08/09/2023 10:54

I remember once i said "bless you" to a man who sneezed on the train,

he looked at me like I said I wanted to eat his liver!

I do this. People look really surprised but usually say thank you.

OP, I went to the last matinee performance of Come From Away in London and had a lovely long chat with a fan who'd travelled from Norwich. Don't feel bad about his reaction.

DivingForLove · 08/09/2023 12:01

I talk to anyone and everyone so no I wouldn’t have thought it was weird! I do get some odd reactions from some people though - but I just shrug it off now!

SlightlygrumpyBettyswaitress · 08/09/2023 12:17

I think it's polite to say hello to those next to you. Sometimes I might ask if they have seen the play/band before. It gives you an idea as to whether they want to chat or not.

3dogsandarabbit · 08/09/2023 12:24

I nearly always initiate conversations so I would be happy to talk to you. What did you ask him, because maybe he misheard and thought you said something else, and that's why he looked frightened 😁

Goldbar · 08/09/2023 12:24

I don't think it was weird of you, but I've noticed that many men unlike women don't think that they owe random people small talk and social interaction and are more comfortable in general being what might be described as "rude" in these situations.

AmazingSnakeHead · 08/09/2023 12:41

Goldbar · 08/09/2023 12:24

I don't think it was weird of you, but I've noticed that many men unlike women don't think that they owe random people small talk and social interaction and are more comfortable in general being what might be described as "rude" in these situations.

This is true. I always fall victim to men on the train who ask me a benign question and then want to hold court for hours. A little chat about a shadow at interval, though, I'd welcome. In general I much prefer chatting with women I don't know than men, they have a much better sense about how long you actually want to go on talking and give plenty of options "out" of the conversation. They also usually ask you something about yourself rather than just droning on for hours.

HardcoreLadyType · 08/09/2023 12:53

I often go to the theatre on my own. Sometimes people chat. Sometimes they don’t.

Recently, DD and I went to the proms and we had seats in a box. There are only 8 seats in each box, so it would have seemed very weird not to have at the very least smiled and greeted each other.

I think this chap probably has some kind of social anxiety (bless him) and you couldn’t have known that. You can’t go through life speaking to no one on the off chance that any given person may have social anxiety.

(I did once see a production of Richard III that was set in the winter of discontent of 1979 - geddit! - where the couple next to me were wondering when it was set, so I mentioned that it was set in the winter of discontent, and they looked at me as if to say “yes, we know that, it says it in the play, but why is everyone wearing beige trousers?”)

amusedbush · 08/09/2023 12:56

I often go to the theatre/cinema/gigs alone and wouldn't bat an eye at someone doing what you describe. I wouldn't personally initiate the conversation (mostly because I'm very awkward and shite at smalltalk) but I'd happily chat about the play if you asked me a question.

I know it's easier said than done because the man's reaction would rumble around in my head too, but try to forget it. Maybe you caught him on a bad day but it was nothing you did.