Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

How to officially end a friendship.

5 replies

Gingerkittykat · 07/09/2023 21:26

I've been friends with G for approximately 21 years. We met at a baby group, we have DDs the same age and we grew really close. The girls were best friends and we spent a lot of time together until the girls got to about 11 and developed different interests and wanted to spend more time with other friends. She was genuinely a really good friend to me.

We continued to see each other but less often and I was always happy to catch up with her until 2020 and the pandemic struck. She is a covid/ vaccine conspirancy nut and as I was shielding she really pissed me off. She also didn't respect my boundaries for example trying to hug me mid pandemic when I met up with her briefly. She also kept trying to use me like a taxi service. I would mostly avoid answering her messages and calls but we would talk occasionally but she kept dumping her relationship problems on me so I started blanking her more and was eventually really blunt about the fact I wouldn't be giving her lifts.

She had sent me some how are you messages over the past week and I ignored them but then answered a call from her tonight. Her useless waster alcoholic boyfriend had tried to leave her so she ended up chasing him down the street and grabbed him. In her version she got emotional and was trying to kiss and cuddle him to persuade him to stay but the witnesses who phoned the police said she had him in a head lock and was kicking and punching him. I was genuinely shocked that she was violent because she's a gentle person despite all of her other faults. I'm not excusing her behaviour in any way, I'm genuinely shocked,

She was given a restraining order for a month a couple of weeks ago and has already broken it by going to his house so it has been extended for another 3 months. She wants him to tell the courts to drop the order and also hopes he won't testify against her at the next hearing which is in October.

She had hinted at me about giving her a lift to collect her stuff but I just ignored it. She then told me she had been talking to my adult niece recently and DN had said she would give her a lift to Xtown (where her ex lives) sometime as she goes there a lot.

I talked to my DN after that phone call and it turns out she had asked for a lift to pick up her stuff but not told her anything about the restraining order. I am so furious I am shaking, I can't believe she would try to drag my lovely niece into her mess, especially when it is highly likely she would be arrested again.

Obviously ignoring her hasn't worked in the past as she keeps contacting me so how do I officially end the friendship? I've been told to block her and move on but I feel like I want to tell her directly why I want nothing more to do with her. I've already sent her a message (which she hasn't read yet) telling her how angry I am for trying to get my niece involved but I don't know what else to say to her to make it clear I don't want anything to do with her.

OP posts:
SpamFrittersYouSay · 07/09/2023 21:57

I'd be tempted to say what you said at the end of your post, then block her.

Nagado · 07/09/2023 22:08

I suspect that the angry message you’ve sent her will probably give her an inkling that you’re not keen on being friends, but if she does reply, then a simple ‘do not contact me again’ (so she can’t claim you weren’t clear) and then block her.

The thing is, telling her why you don’t want anything to do with her is for your benefit. She’s bonkers. If she thinks that the best way of getting someone to drop a restraining order is to keep breaking it then she’s clearly not going to listen to or understand anything you’ve said. It just gives her another person to argue with. So why escalate anything? Block and ignore.

Aquamarine1029 · 07/09/2023 22:13

I've been told to block her and move on but I feel like I want to tell her directly why I want nothing more to do with her.

Then do it. I have, and you don't have to be rude or attacking. You simply tell her you no longer want any relationship with her, so please don't contact you again. Hang up and block.

Greenwitchhorse · 07/09/2023 22:33

Block and move on. I did that recently with two acquaintances.

One (male) refused to get the hint after I blocked him and started creating new social media accounts/email address to get around the block and asked me to justify why I was ended the friendship. Blocked again, especially as he has just demonstrated by his stalkerish behaviour that I was right to distance myself in the first place...

With some people it is better not even to get involved in discussions about why you want to end up the friendship. You don't need to justify yourself: if you believe their behaviour is toxic and you don't want them in your life, just cut them off.

Gingerkittykat · 07/09/2023 22:42

I talked to my DD who made me understand that whether or not she had hit and kicked him chasing after him, physically stopping him getting away is abuse. Breaking restraining orders is abuse and trying to get him to drop the restraining order and not testify against her is also abuse. I've got a feeling she will break the restraining order again and I don't know if that means she would go to jail or not.

I think I'm just not going to say anything more to her right now but if she contacts me again then I'll be really blunt and tell her directly I don't want anything to do with her.

I'm also worried about her, she has been in really poor health lately and I don't want to see anything bad happen to her.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread