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My fucked up life

13 replies

Lifeguards · 07/09/2023 00:24

Why have I been dealt such shit cards in life.

As a child I was sexually abused. I don't remember much but I know it happened. He even apologised.

As a teenager I had some mental heath stuff going on probably due to the above.

I was pregnant at 19. I was quite a young 19 not very mature. I had my dd. She really changed thins for me I felt at last I had a purpose. It was just me and her. Her father wasn't really interested although he was about on and of. When dd was 5 I had another baby same father.

Not long after ds was boring . I found out that my children's father had Been accused of fracturing another child's school. Because I had contact with him/had his children I had social services involved. I had not done anything wrong bit I was treaded like shit. By the sw . She made things up that were not true. Told me my children were going to be taken away. There was a conference meeting and she constantly lied. The health visitor was there. And stood up for me. Health visitor actually used the words your lying.and there was a semi argument inftont of me. Between the sw and hv.

I ended up with a new social worker. I'm told the old one left. The new one was fantastic. Every time I saw her she always used to say believe in yourself she was so sincere and lovely. Few months later the case was closed.

In 2005. My dad got cancer. I had to look after him. On my own plus my 2 children he moved in with me when he got ill. He was the best dad in the world to me.i know he loved me and my children with all his heart

The original Sw who I spoke about above had done so much damage. That I trusted no one. I had My 3rd and 4th child. All it took was for there to be an off tone or a look few cross words and I would end the relationship. I didn't even try.

My parents split when I was a teenager she didn't want to know me even though i had done nothing wrong . I used to try and make conversation. She promised to come and see my son. 9 months later she still had not. I asked why she said she didn't have to answer to me. But she's looking after my sisters dogs. I realised i couldn't make her be a mum to me. And I have up. To this day I don't know what I have ever done wrong.

Life went on. I then had 2 more children. This time I tried to make more effort with the relationship. We were together 8 years. Although it was not stable. Not to me anyway. He was so kind. Used to take me out, buy me gifts. But he done nothing at all to help me with the children or in the house. I was waking up every 2 hours to the kids. Then when I was wishing part tone i would be going to work. Sitting the kids house dinner etc. He just went to work. But apparently that was enough. My day never ended at 4pm like his his mum stood up for him to. I did end the relationship in the end. It was only them that he actually put the effort on to look after his own kids. He's now a Disney dad . With his mum doing everything for him.

My oldest dd had a child. The father was not interested. Anyway she Met someone else. I met him and hated him. As soon as I saw hi. My instincts told me no hes trouble. There were some reports to social services.dd said it was people shit staring anyway there was a visit. And the sw said to Dd boyfriend. I have not seen everything but it ain't good. From then on I knew for sure she had to get rid of him. Sw said the same. Dd ended the relationship a few days later.

One day I got a call from the police. It tirned out her now ex had managed get into dd flat and beat her up infront of her son. He had bitten her. Punched her all over kicked punched her in the head. She had a small bleed on her brain. He had taken het phone from her. She managed to talk him down sod knows how. She managed to get her phone back she called 999 and screened help me. He ran out and took her keys .

Police came. She had to leave the flat and was not allowed back there.she and gs came to my house. There was a warrant out for his arrest. Eventually they caught him. He was given 9 months in prison. Dd was put into temporary accommodation. It wa then found out that dd abd him had contact whilst he was in prison. There was then a PLO put in place dd had ti proove she works never have contact with him. I had assments/ checks so GS would come to me if dd messed up . DD also had to go tp a refuge. There was lots of sw input. I was so scared that GS would be taken away I was crying everyday

Because her ex broke restraining order he was gate arrested on the day he was meant to be let out. He was given more time. He was then let out again. He broke the restraining order again within 24hrs
So he went to prison again. For his original sentence he got 9 months which was halfed
So he wlukd have done 4.5 months but hes ebded up doing over 2years hes now due outin a few werkd.

Both dd and me/my family got urgently moved under life in danger.

There is more to write but I keep drifting to sleep so I will add more later. I will just post this got now and add on my 2nd post
.

.

OP posts:
TerrorOwls · 07/09/2023 00:29

That sounds so, so tough. I'm sorry you're going through all this.

Pumpernickles · 07/09/2023 00:49

My heart goes out to you. That is a whole load of shit. I hope you have had some good times too.

Lifeguards · 07/09/2023 07:43

Continued from my 1st post,

Just roughly after lock down my son refused to go to school. He became aggressive and nasty he would smash my house up. Break stuff. It caused alot of upset.i tried to get him help. The school was absolutely awful no help at all . Only ever made threats to me about courts. Refused anythjng I suggested.used to shout down the phone at me. Camhs rejected us. Tried a couple of times. Then they closed the case before even seeing ds. I made a massive fuss complaint etc
. Then one evening DS send me a text from his bedroom. He said im sorry I love you. It was very strange for him. I asked him if he wanted me to go up there. He said no. I gage it a min then went up to his room. He was laying with sick all over him shaking. He had taken 98btabkets i called an ambulance which took 4hrs . Ds spent 2 nights in hospital vthank god he was ok.

Suddenly camhs wanted to know several professionals Suddenly wanting to know. He now seeing CAMHS.

Ds did become more aggressive and violent towards me more controlling etc. Its Bern awful. I did kick hom out after he became physical with me. I could not take it anymore. Social services became involved (ds is home) which was hit and miss and a bit shit although it has now got a bit better.

Ds behaviour is still a bit fucked up but it has got better compared to what it was. Hes camhs helped him apply for a construction course I pray that he it and that its a good turning point for him.

I tried to get this in order but there were overlaps . Please note this it not all going on now some is and some present.

I don't know the point of the thread. I was just doing lots of reflection and was not meant to write this much.

OP posts:
Lifeguards · 07/09/2023 09:52

Gosh I had not realised it was so long , apologies for any typo etc... it took me a really long time to write. But now it gives me a head ache just looking at it 😩

OP posts:
GKD · 07/09/2023 18:56

Are things a lot better/more stable now?

I find that for many of us it’s when we are out of the thick of it that we become reflective.

you’ve had a very difficult life but are you early 40s? That’s a lot of time left to reinvent yourself?

what do you want from life?

and 💐

Potatomashed · 07/09/2023 19:05

This all sounds really tough. Sounds like you’ve had a load of challenges but have consistently been there for your kids and GS even when others have let you down. Hope things improve for you

Hamstermayhem · 07/09/2023 19:38

Oh my love, that’s unbelievably tough. What a strong, amazing person you are to have survived-I am in complete admiration of you! I have absolutely no words of wisdom (have no idea how to do life!!) but just wanted to give you a virtual hug 💜

DebbieLouiseDairyleaCheese · 07/09/2023 20:07

You're very strong 💐

CC222 · 07/09/2023 20:09

I don't have any advice, just wanted to give some support and say that I think you're incredibly strong. You're an amazing mum and nanny. Your life has been a rollercoaster but you've never given up. Give yourself a lot of credit for that.
You've faced and survived every single thing that's happened in your life up until this point, there's nothing you can't handle.
I wish life would be easier but it just doesn't always work that way unfortunately. But be proud of yourself, and try find joy in the little things in life, no matter what else happens x

Mamette · 07/09/2023 20:17

I’m in awe of you. Just try to take care of yourself as well as you take care of everyone else. Easier said than done, I know.

Lifeguards · 07/09/2023 20:58

CC222 · 07/09/2023 20:09

I don't have any advice, just wanted to give some support and say that I think you're incredibly strong. You're an amazing mum and nanny. Your life has been a rollercoaster but you've never given up. Give yourself a lot of credit for that.
You've faced and survived every single thing that's happened in your life up until this point, there's nothing you can't handle.
I wish life would be easier but it just doesn't always work that way unfortunately. But be proud of yourself, and try find joy in the little things in life, no matter what else happens x

Thank you. Yes that's what I feel like. if I can get through this I can get through anything. But then it's like that's enough now cut me some slack . Then it's like short of killing myself there is no choice. I have to get through it. Yes we do appreciate the small things . The silly humour. Small things the kids do. How they are funny but they dont know it.

Thank you for replying and reading

OP posts:
Lifeguards · 07/09/2023 21:01

Potatomashed · 07/09/2023 19:05

This all sounds really tough. Sounds like you’ve had a load of challenges but have consistently been there for your kids and GS even when others have let you down. Hope things improve for you

Thank you . I don't always get it right but I try my best. Andy kids and Gs will always come first every time.

OP posts:
Lifeguards · 07/09/2023 21:20

GKD · 07/09/2023 18:56

Are things a lot better/more stable now?

I find that for many of us it’s when we are out of the thick of it that we become reflective.

you’ve had a very difficult life but are you early 40s? That’s a lot of time left to reinvent yourself?

what do you want from life?

and 💐

Things are still challenging. But im hoping some of things to change soon for my son.

Dd ex is due out of prison next month. Things will go a bit mad there. But still not like it was a while back.

Hopefully things will settle soon

OP posts:
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