6 year old behaviour - advice please

[MaisieMoo02]

Hi

Just looking for some advice please as definitely as my wits end!

My 6 year old DD isn’t being great recently. She argues back, back chats, doesn’t listen, sometimes thinks she’s above people (you can tell this with the way that she talks to people, will only do this with close family though, not teachers/strangers etc). Can be very bossy, thinks she knows best etc etc. She will display this behaviour towards me mainly. I know she isn’t necessarily doing anything unusual for her age but I see it as very disrespectful and I am trying to improve the behaviour.

However she doesn’t ever seem bothered about any consequences. I always follow through with a consequence as I know it is important too. If I take her iPad off her, she doesn’t really seem bothered and will happily amuse herself with other toys or happily read. If I tell her she can’t play with siblings, again she happily seems to amuse herself. Currently trying a new approach where I have taken all her teddies off her and for each day she is good and respectful, she gets a teddy back. If she is then disrespectful, I’ll take all the teddies back off her. This seemed to work for 3/4 days however she was disrespectful so I took them off her, she cried for about 2 seconds then when I left the room she stopped and hasn’t seemed bothered since! A bit of context with her teddies, she’s got about 40 and absolutely adores them which is why I thought this would have worked.

She is due to start a new dance/singing class on Thursday but I’m not sure if with her behaviour being bad, if it will make her think “it doesn’t matter if I’m disrespectful as I’ll still get to do nice things” but then I don’t think taking every single thing away from her and leaving her with nothing will help as she doesn’t seem bothered by it!

It is really getting me down at the moment to the point where I don’t like spending time with her😞 please can someone give some advice if anyone has been through similar, just feels like I’m doing it all wrong

I’d reward the good rather than focus on the bad.

@ArseInTheCoOpWindow yeah I do always try to, I will praise when she uses her manners and talks kindly to others, does as she’s told etc. At the moment though, the bad is definitely more than the good

Reward chart worked best for mine. She never cared about consequences.

If became obvious later that this was anxiety and she was diagnosed ASD.

@ArseInTheCoOpWindow i have tried a reward chart before and it worked for a little bit, I wonder if I need to try one again

Is she watching you tube on the iPad? I had to take it away, dd2 was a nightmare when she watched it. Didn't mind not having it but they impact on behaviour was so obvious.

Losing all the teddies in one fell swoop is quite a lot. She earns back 1 for politeness. But then loses them all for 1 lot of rudeness.
Im not sure what the answer is. It could be a phase. But if she is a clever child she will quickly come to realised her chances of keeping hold of all the teddies is remote.
Why is she back chatting - have you asked her in a calm quiet moment ? Maybe she knows, maybe not
Maybe a consequence like sitting on a chat for 6 minutes or something very boring is worth a try. Does she apologize after being especially rude.
Maybe some entire family conversations/meetings around family rules around politeness might be a good idea. We say please and thank you. Etc.
It sounds tough.

To be honest I would ignore it more.

@cocksstrideintheevening yeah she watches YouTube but only for gymnastics but I do think the ipad in general has a big impact on her behaviour

@Fluffycloudsblusky I know it does seems quite a big thing with loosing all the teddies but I think I just wanted something that was quite big in the hope it would shock her if that makes sense but doesn’t seem to have worked.
she is very clever which is why I am thinking depriving her of absolutely everything won’t have an impact, it will just make her think “okay whatever” as she’s quite stubborn too.
We are quite structured/routine but I’m wondering if she has more of that maybe mixed with a behaviour chart that this might help?

I think at any age you have to pick your battles.

I don't think it's a good idea to take away hobbies/classes for general poor attitude at such a young age.
Use a reward chart for good behaviour and explain if she doesn't get a tick/sticker that day it is because of rude or cheeky behaviour. Pick one thing that you want to work on don't pile on tons of conditions.
If she talks back or is cheeky give one warning that what she said was rude/cheeky and anything more and she would not get her tick.
Give quick rewards so 3 ticks in a row and she gets a treat.
Also make sure you have plenty of cuddles and maybe talk to her in case she is unhappy about something.
Things like the teddies is just to much for them to work towards earning all those teddies back and then one wrong step and she's lost them again. It will just make her sad.
She is very young and should improve with gentle rewards.
Don't let it become an unhappy power battle where you are constantly punishing her.