I’m 50 next year my ds is 18 my dd is 15 in her last year why do I feel I’m losing them?

[mummypig6]

I’m so proud of my kids Ive done my best for them we all mistakes learnt along the way , I mean what all parents try and do, and suddenly it has dawned on me what will happen next.

I have two cats will I get more cats become a crazy cat lady?, so I’m going through the peri- menopause so emotions are all over the place but now it’s suddenly dawned on me what do I do next when I’m sat alone.

I got excepted for a new job last week and want to give it my all I’m so happy , I’ve always put everyone first but what do I do in my spare time as they no longer want to spend time with me .

I don’t have many friends and when I did sometimes it was more drama than worth, so I figured not worth it .

Kids now have a life of their own and I feel lonely is this normal ?

Please be kind x

I understand. I think a lot of people can relate. I loved, just absolutely loved, being a mum and doing picnics in the park and walks round the lake etc, but as they grow older, you suddenly realise that's all over. Until hopefully you have grandchildren! That's what I'm holding on to.

Thank you hopingforagreatescape I think I have brought them up to be independent .

I worry about them as all parents do ,but I now feel I’m no longer the main person that’s probably a good thing.

I hope so reference the grandchildren in you seem to have a story pm me if you want to talk x

Perhaps reinvest some time with the few friends you have? There might be less drama as people grow a bit older?

Frozendaisy Im lucky the two friends I have are great and hate drama so it is a valid point I just never had till now to think about me for once or them.

My friends have kid’s and grandkids and only this week we are starting to make time for each other so thank you.

It's strange , I've just had a very similar conversation with my DH..... partly about other losses (coming up to first anniversary of my dad's death), but compounded by the fact that my DD is getting older and basically doesn't need me anymore. I have a good job, but I go between that and watching quite a lot of tv,... I'm not very sociable and don't have many friends.... I'm peri, and I don't feel I have huge energy or inclination to go out and fill my life with new things,.... but at the same time I have an emptiness that's making me a bit sad...

Funny thing is, I was looking towards this stage - of being 'free!'.... and it is wonderful in many ways.... but I sympathize OP. I'm not sure if the answer, but you are not alone!

Congratulations on your new job! That will be a new focus for you and you will hopefully get some social interaction also through it. You've done a great job raising two kids who will be functioning independent adults. They will still need you, but not in the same way. They will want you to be happy, and content and enjoying life. Look into new hobbies - walking groups, join the gym, do a pottery class. Enjoy this next phase of your life; make the most of it!

I'm feeling this too. I genuinely feel empty and so sad that they might not come back very often.
Mine are very independent which I'm proud of but now I think it means I will have less
Contact.
Some of my friends adult children call them or see them every day and consult them about all decisions. Mine don't.

Wow thank you for the support Bravegoldie I’m glad I’m not the only one thank you for your input it means a lot.

And you made me cry Martha4clark I needed to hear that x

Crew22 I was told today your kids will always come back maybe when it’s not a good time for them, your amazing person you took the time to respond to me I’m truly thankful x

My 18 year old daughter very helpfully had a baby. So while she needs us less, we have avoided the empty nest by having a little 8 year old living with us 😊😬😩😬😂

At 50 my dc ranged from 32 to 6!! Can't be a coincidence 4 had left home and I had 4 ddogs!.

Lesina I don’t know what to say but you must of done something good and you should be proud that you can do that all the best to you xx

Trenchfoot you made me laugh I think I have four kids including the cats x

But then you enter another stage of life. I do know how you feel as I cried for days when my DD left for uni. But now a few years on she's set up in a flat with her boyfriend and I go and visit overnight and we have the best time. She just came to stay for the weekend with her BF and it was lovely. I'm so proud of her. (Oh and I did get a dog to fill the void when she left!)

Appreciate your freedom and enjoy the time you do have with your kids.

I could have written this. DD will be off to uni next year and DS is almost 16. I've also just found out that my DM is terminally ill. 😪 I don't have that many friends, but the ones I do have are great. There is nothing like hearing bad news, such as about my DM to weed out those that are worth keeping!

I think the answer is to develop interests and hobbies. I've just started a sport that I've not done for years. I thought is be terrible but I'm ok. I also do alot of 'self care'. I prioritise something I enjoy each day and make sure I'm active. I'm hoping over time the void will be filled.

People never stop needing their mom, the type of needs change over time but wouldn't all of us love a big cuddle from our mom or dad from time to time if it was readily available ? (if they were good parents that is).

I'm a fully fledged middle age woman and I still ring my own mom when I need a good chat or a cry! You are still needed and wanted, I'm sure!

I think the answer is partly developing interests as others have said, but I think there is maybe s step before this, which I am trying to go through.... that's actually embracing and allowing the sadness...

I think I try to squash it down, which leads to a more general malaise and lack of energy, for which I then criticise myself...

I think like with any loss- of a person or phase of life.... the more we allow ourselves to feel it, maybe cry, allows us to release and open space for what's next.

Yes, our children will likely always need us, but something is also definitely ending. Meeting that as a legitimate loss, with compassion for ourselves, can help anything new we build be on rich, solid ground.

Beautifully put@BraveGoldie

Please don't reinforce the crazy cat lady stereotype. As a single person with no kids I get really upset by comments like this.

I'm sure you'll find ways to have a great life and you're kids will still be there. The relationship might change but it doesn't end.

Malted I did not mean to offend ref crazy cat lady, thank you your right it does not end so could be a new beginning for something new.

Don't worry and thank you. I appreciate that.

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I'm 48. One child of 24 who left home a couple of years ago and one who is 17 who is planning on leaving for university next year.

You need hobbies. You need to remind yourself who you are aside from being "Mum".

For context, I've done several things over the years. For the past few years, I've played bass guitar in a gigging punk band. Kids getting older means you have more time for you. You're only limited by your imagination.

Also, ypu will reap the rewards and benefits of having raised secure, confidence and independent children with whom you have a good relationship. My eldest and I quite often go out together to gigs and the pub and whatever.

You're just entering the next stage of being a parent.