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Original poster

Ds pip.

26 replies

Dsdv16 · 05/09/2023 18:16

This is really complicated. Just to note if anyone that gos for me or is really nasty I will be ignoring.

I will briefly explain back ground . Ds is 16 6ft 4. He's been really aggressive,violent, controlling, and really nasty to the point he's been controlling the home everyone has been scared of him walking on eggs shells. To the point I did kick him out social services became involved. He's at home now. He also tried to end his life , self harming , doing other dangerous things.

So I claimed DLA for him slightly before he turned 16. He does not know I claimed it for him. He has had it spend on him from when he constantly asking for money. If he has damaged things in the house. Cabs when needed. if he's been out for days. When he's asked for this and that. He ends up with quite alot time it's all added up.

The reason I never told him was because he would come violent towards me. Even worse than he has done in the past. Also he was not safe to have it due to buying alcohol, tablets, sharp object. And god knows what else. So he was to vulnerable to have access to the money. I could not tell him and give him a bit at a time. As it would still lead to aggression violence and him putting himself at risk.

The DLA claim was rolling whilst waiting on a pip decision. Anyway pip has Been rewarded. I made the decision to tell ds about the pip. As although he's still really hard work. And can still be nasty he has got a bit better. So I wanted to built some trust with him. So I have told him about the pip. And he will get x amount each month.

The thing is he thinks there's going to be a big back payment . But there's not as the DLA was rolling. Only he does not know about the DLA and he will go ape shit.

Please note I did not tell him due to his violence, aggression and vulnerability. But he was getting the money. He just didn't know where it was from.

I am nervous that people will not understand.

I don't know how to get him to understand. As much as he's got a little better and I want to build trust with him. I'm in fear he will mot understand and will become violent/aggressive etc

OP posts:
Clymene · 05/09/2023 18:20

Don't worry about other people - it's none of their business what you spend DLA on.

I'm a bit confused at why you think he is going to use the PIP money properly but wasn't able to know about the DLA.

Why does he think the PIP will be backdated? How many months is it since he turned 16?

Original poster
Dsdv16 · 05/09/2023 18:30

Clymene · 05/09/2023 18:20

Don't worry about other people - it's none of their business what you spend DLA on.

I'm a bit confused at why you think he is going to use the PIP money properly but wasn't able to know about the DLA.

Why does he think the PIP will be backdated? How many months is it since he turned 16?

I don't know that he will be better with it so I'm taking a risk. Although he's still quite nasty . It has slowed down. I have not seen evidence of drinking in a while. So I just wanted to take a positive step and give him some control.

He thinks it will be back dated because when you send in a pip form it takes around 3 months to make a decision and it normally gets back dated so you end up with quite a bit of money back dated. But during that 3 months he's been getting dla. But he does not know about the dla. So that's why he's expecting back payment via pip

OP posts:
Annaishere · 05/09/2023 18:35

I guess just tell him the truth. Sorry you’re having such a hard time with him

Elisheva · 05/09/2023 18:36

DLA for children is always managed by the parent or cared. They have to spend it for the benefit of the child, but it is the parent’s choice as to what it goes on, not the child’s .

Original poster
Dsdv16 · 05/09/2023 18:40

Elisheva · 05/09/2023 18:36

DLA for children is always managed by the parent or cared. They have to spend it for the benefit of the child, but it is the parent’s choice as to what it goes on, not the child’s .

I know. But it was still his money. And he won't understand this and he will go are shit . If he was not expecting back pay. It would not be an issue.

OP posts:
comedownwithme · 05/09/2023 18:59

I am nervous that people will not understand.

What people?

Original poster
Dsdv16 · 05/09/2023 19:03

comedownwithme · 05/09/2023 18:59

I am nervous that people will not understand.

What people?

It's not important

OP posts:
comedownwithme · 05/09/2023 19:09

It's not important

Which tells me it almost certainly IS important...

elliejjtiny · 05/09/2023 19:09

If it helps when my DS moved from DLA to PIP, the PIP was a lot more than the DLA was. I expected a back payment to make up the difference from the date they got the form but we didn't. Also the PIP award started about a month after we got the letter to say DS had been awarded. We were just given a letter saying DS1 had been awarded PIP and it starts from X date. So you could tell your ds that there is no back payment and PIP just starts from the week after you get the letter. In some ways it's easier for us as DS finds managing money quite complicated so he would rather I look after it for him and buy him what he needs.

Original poster
Dsdv16 · 05/09/2023 19:15

comedownwithme · 05/09/2023 19:09

It's not important

Which tells me it almost certainly IS important...

I have already explained I was nervous about posting this. I'm not sure how to take your posts .

OP posts:
Babyroobs · 05/09/2023 19:25

I'm honestly amazed that a just turned 16 year old would know enough about PIP to even know it is backdated. Unless it's something that kids go around discussing with other disabled teens?

PerilTheBeryl · 05/09/2023 19:31

Does he know when the forms were sent? Are you his appointee? I'm guessing it's been processed if he knows how much he is going to get. Can he have the money from the time that you told him? Or explain that as his appointee he can have some and some will be be spent on things that he needs or wants by you.

Original poster
Dsdv16 · 05/09/2023 19:33

Babyroobs · 05/09/2023 19:25

I'm honestly amazed that a just turned 16 year old would know enough about PIP to even know it is backdated. Unless it's something that kids go around discussing with other disabled teens?

Yes it's his friend who's slightly older. She's been telling him. Get it put into your own name. Don't allow your mum to be appointeee when my mum was she was taking a weeks worth of money only giving me 3 weeks worth. The mum probably kept 1 week worth for her house keeping. ( that's what the friend said to him)

OP posts:
comedownwithme · 05/09/2023 19:37

I have already explained I was nervous about posting this. I'm not sure how to take your posts .

You said you are nervous people won't understand them said it wasn't important when I asked you who. Why are you saying you don't know how to take my posts? I was asking so I could advise you.

Original poster
Dsdv16 · 05/09/2023 19:43

PerilTheBeryl · 05/09/2023 19:31

Does he know when the forms were sent? Are you his appointee? I'm guessing it's been processed if he knows how much he is going to get. Can he have the money from the time that you told him? Or explain that as his appointee he can have some and some will be be spent on things that he needs or wants by you.

Him asking for back pay is what I'm worried about. There is no back pay due to the fact he was getting dla whilst waiting for pip
But he does not know about the dla.

OP posts:
Original poster
Dsdv16 · 05/09/2023 19:45

comedownwithme · 05/09/2023 19:37

I have already explained I was nervous about posting this. I'm not sure how to take your posts .

You said you are nervous people won't understand them said it wasn't important when I asked you who. Why are you saying you don't know how to take my posts? I was asking so I could advise you.

But why would you fucus on that one sentence?

OP posts:
Clymene · 05/09/2023 20:14

Can you do a spreadsheet detailing what you've spent the DLA on?

Are there better times of day for him? I wonder how you can best protect yourself. Do you have a partner? Is there any way you can reduce the risk or likelihood of him becoming violent?

It sounds v frightening for you.

Original poster
Dsdv16 · 05/09/2023 20:24

Clymene · 05/09/2023 20:14

Can you do a spreadsheet detailing what you've spent the DLA on?

Are there better times of day for him? I wonder how you can best protect yourself. Do you have a partner? Is there any way you can reduce the risk or likelihood of him becoming violent?

It sounds v frightening for you.

No either way he will let rip. If his friend has just left it. Would not be this problem 😔

OP posts:
AdditionalCharacter · 05/09/2023 20:30

I take it you have appointeeship?

Just explain to him that there will be no back payment as he was on DLA when he was under 16 and that helped towards xyz for him as he was seen as a child. Now that he is 16, they see him as an adult, and although he gets the money, he still needs to be sensible, and you will put x amount in to his bank and it is his choice on what it's spent on, but there will be no more money for him until the following week once that's gone.

The transition at 16 to PIP is ridiculous, especially since they don't move to adult services until they're 18.

Original poster
Dsdv16 · 05/09/2023 20:33

AdditionalCharacter · 05/09/2023 20:30

I take it you have appointeeship?

Just explain to him that there will be no back payment as he was on DLA when he was under 16 and that helped towards xyz for him as he was seen as a child. Now that he is 16, they see him as an adult, and although he gets the money, he still needs to be sensible, and you will put x amount in to his bank and it is his choice on what it's spent on, but there will be no more money for him until the following week once that's gone.

The transition at 16 to PIP is ridiculous, especially since they don't move to adult services until they're 18.

I can't tell him about the dla 😭

OP posts:
AdditionalCharacter · 05/09/2023 20:35

I understand. You've got yourself into a no win situation with it. Does he have a person that he will listen to more than you? Someone he's less likely to attack?

Twistyripple · 05/09/2023 20:35

What a difficult situation, is the friend who's giving the advice aware of how he reacts/behaves towards you?

Allthecatsandcosyblankets · 05/09/2023 20:38

How much keep does he pay? Tell him the dla was to help with his keep, food, shopping etc as he was 15 - but now he's 16 he should be the age of getting a job and so he can now manage his own PIP since he's 16 but he must pay keep now towards bills.

Tell him at 15 it was dla paid to you because he was a child and now at 16 it's PIP that he can now be responsible for himself. But its not money to spend on drugs/alcohol and if he uses it for that he has to get his own flat where he can pay bills like a grown up - he won't have much left for drugs or alcohol then. Also DO NOT take abuse from him, physical or otherwise. He can't use you as an emotional pr physical punch bag x

Allthecatsandcosyblankets · 05/09/2023 20:41

He's going to find out about the dla if he pr this friend rings to find out about a back date. Just be assertive and upfront, don't act like it's a big secret or it will be worse. You should not be afraid of your son, ring the police if he lifts his hand to you as hard as it will be this will only get worse

comedownwithme · 05/09/2023 20:47

@Dsdv16

But why would you fucus on that one sentence?

I didn't: it's the only one that you hadn't explained so I asked. I already knew why you were worried about your DS finding out, so I didn't need to ask

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