Pocket Money Dilemma

[RabbitsRock]

DD14 gets £10 a week ( £5 once a month as she’s paying for extra data on her phone). I struggle sometimes to know what she should be paying for & she asks me for money A LOT! She’s just asked for hair bleach to do her roots. Because her colour is semi permanent, she ends up doing something to it roughly fortnightly. I wouldn’t mind buying her dye if it was every couple of months. Do you think she should pay for the bleach? I do but interested to know how everyone manages teenage spending! It’s a minefield! DD always asks for snacks & drinks every time she goes out & it can get silly. It’s like she can’t exist without eating or drinking for any length of time!

You're really not giving her enough money, if you can afford to give more.

If you can, you should be providing far more than you are.

If you aren't, you need to educate her and discuss with her.

My 14 year old gets £30 a month, of which she has to save £10 for gifts for family for birthday presents and Christmas presents.

When out and about, we buy her food and drinks. People seriously underestimate how much teenage girls need to eat (based on my sample size of me at that age, my girls and their friends). Especially if they've hit their periods. That being said, if we go for a one hour walk, no no snack is required. If we are out for 3 or more hours not including a meal, we'll get a snack. But if I couldn't afford that, I'd take one from home.

Her hair, well I wouldn't be letting her bleach it, but as you do, you should have considered the cost implications first.

Oh ignore me, I read that as 10 a month

When I checked my online bank recently dd had had 60 bloody quid in a month Hair dye and gigs. Tbf she watched ds in the holidays and does extra chores.

with ds we worked out an allowance that meant he had to make decisions - Did he want to pay for spotify or have money to go out with friends, did he want to spend money on a drink with lunch (instead of using water fountain) or have money for more data on his phone.

It is all about learning to budget, they shouldn't have enough money for everything they want - just what they need plus a bit more for socalising/optional extras. If getting hair bleach is important to your dd she needs to decide what she gives up for that decision/preference.

You need to decide what you really want her to be paying for.
At 14 food, everyday toiletries, everyday clothes, school things, phone/wifi and transport you should be paying for. She shouldn't be paying for food that would be meals - so meeting friends in the shopping centre which will include having lunch - I think you should give her money towards that food (because it covers a meal time). Meeting friends after school in the park and buying snacks from the corner shop - she should pay for that out of her pocket money.
£10 a week actually doesn't go far. Add up the amount you are paying on the "extra" things she tends to ask for throughout an average month (hair dye, snacks etc) them maybe up the weekly amount to what that is and then she is responsible for what she spends it on.
So if she wants hair dye - it comes out of that money. If she has spent it on something else - she can't ask you for extra.

Obviously it depends on what you can afford but as a starting point I'd suggest that you keep track of how much you're actually giving her on top of the £10 with all the other stuff and work out a budget from that.

My dd is in charge of buying her own makeup, food and snacks out with friends in town, cinema tickets, travel (if they get the bus somewhere), birthday presents for friends, and clothes (not school uniform though). Basically all socialising and style&beauty stuff.

We give her a monthly set amount. But when we set this up we clearly explained to her that we would not be offering any top ups if she runs out of money before the end of the month as we wanted her to learn to budget. Some months she doesnt spend it all, some months she spends more. But it basically gets direct debited into her bank account every month and its up to her if she saves up or blows the lot in Primark, Starbucks and Typo.

My 14 year old wasn’t allowed to bleach her hair 🤷‍♀️

DD14 has mental health problems & low self esteem - dyeing her hair helps her to feel better about herself.

Accismus how much do you give per month?

Anyone else?

Handing the money for hair dye over doesn't help her self esteem as much as it would if she takes has control and takes positive action to afford it by budgeting and taking ownership of her finances. Let her fail, let her learn and then let her succeed and be proud of it. 14 is a great age to be learning this.

I think we gave ds around £100-120/month at that age - but from when he started secondary school he had to budget and choose where he spent his money. There wasn't enough for everything so he had to choose how much to spend daily on school lunches (basic lunch with water was around £45/month), his phone data, barbers, gym, spotify, netflix, socialising, games console.

He made some massive mistakes thinking £120 was a lot of money and would last ages, but with some guidance soon learnt an extra "just" £1.50 a day on a drink at school adds up to £30 a month! Lots of "just" £3.99 on the games console adds up, being careful with data meant he could have a cheaper plan etc and all these savings meant he could go out more.

If carefully managed (as hands off as possible) control and responsibility and giving them the conditions to succeed can really help their self esteem more than any hair dye.

£80 a month. Which sounds like a lot, but is £2.60 a day. We pay for her school lunches via the school app, so it doesn't include that.

She's generally quite good with money. The bank send her paper statements once a month so we go through them together just to teach her about checking her spending. Not super in depth, just a one minute glance. But its an excellent habit to get into.

My DD gets 80-100 per month but has to buy clothes and sundries we bought big things like coats and basic toiletries like shower gel, shampoos but she has to buy any other bits. I pay for her hair cuts still. Started when 14 and as soon as was in charge of her own money she stopped wasting money on bubble tea at railway station etc. it always felt like I was hanging her money all the time! Think she is now really careful- when her friends go out and eat they all ask for tap water and she takes water bottle from home now! As soo as she was 16 she got a Saturday job and is now super good with money and rarely asks us for anything! She really learned the value of money and would buy clothes in cheaper shops, look at sales, Vinted etc - I've been proud of how she has managed it. We've had a few hiccups along the way and of course younger DS has a long way to go as they are the opposite at the mo 🤦‍♀️

DS is 14, he only gets £10pm. BUT, he has two jobs (paper round £25pw and helping on a market stall £10pw) so he isn't short of cash. We pay for clothes, school lunches etc so all his money is for treats and it's his to budget how he likes. I try to encourage him to save (if he saves up to £50 in his ISA pm I'll match it) but he doesn't tend to save at all, it mostly goes on milkshakes and snacks!
DD gets double the amount from us, but she has more chores to do to earn it. She is younger and desperate for a 'proper' part time job but not old enough yet.

My DD 15 gets £60 per month. We also pay for her phone, lunch/dinner if she’s out with friends, some of her clothes, hair appointments. I also seem to pay for her best friend’s birthday presents but not the wider friendship group.

She buys her own make-up, some clothes, cinema, etc.

As their mother I’m in charge of their food, clothes, any needs. Their money can be spent any way they like, but they shouldn’t pay for basic needs. Hair care included. My 13yo has suddenly taken a liking to Big Macs and thought she would have to buy her own. I said no way, that’s my job. Teenagers usually need a lot of calories and I never refuse a request for food. I might remind them if they are going overboard with junk and request a healthier choice. It’s our responsibility to take care of them. Pocket money should be used for learning how to budget, save, spend, etc. without major consequences so when they are on their own they have some experience to go by. My daughter runs an Etsy business and sells at craft markets so I don’t actually give her money, she earns it. I did invest in her business and I act like an investor and have taught her how it all works. I think she sees the value a little better than if I just handed money to her. I started working at a young age and I think it’s good to learn early.

I used to give pocket money and that had to cover their gaming and any snacks on their walk home from school.

But they didn't spend extras on makeup, hair products, clothing, etc so I never had to do that calculation.

It saved me loads of money in the end because hey decided that X game wasn't worth spending their OWN money on...,lol.

Now they have part time jobs I need to work out what they become responsible for out of their earnings... that's a bit trickier.

DS is 14 and gets £10 a week but he also has a Saturday/ Wednesday evening job. He earns about £200 per month and has more disposable income than DH and I by the time we’ve paid our bills etc! He doesn’t buy makeup or hair products of course but he buys his own drinks and snacks if he wants anything over and above what we normally buy in the weekly shop. We pay his phone bill, gym membership, activities we do as a family of course and basic clothes but he sometimes buys himself more expensive T-shirts and he likes expensive trainers so we have a deal that we will pay what it would cost for a standard pair of Nikes from Sports Direct and he makes up the rest. If he goes to the cinema or whatever with friends we pay for the ticket and he buys the snacks. Anyway, he’s happy with this arrangement, we’re happy and he’s far more careful when he has to think about whether he wants to spend his own money or not! He’s doing a great job with managing his money and is saving for his first motorbike 🫣 so is learning great life lessons.