Where the hell do I start with looking for therapy and what cost am I looking at?

[FlailingInside]

Late 30s and have known for a while I could probably do with talking to someone regularly but I’ve been putting it in a box because, you know, family and work and everything else comes first on time, money etc. But enough is enough now and I have to sort it out. I want to be a better parent, wife and everything else and that means dealing with my shit rather than squashing it into a box and trying to ignore it.

I’ve had private counselling at a couple of points previously, most recently several years ago (not all that sure how much it helped but that could have just been choice of counsellor - they were very passive listeners, which is fine, but I think I need someone who can help me work shit out). Have also had CBT nearly 20 years ago.

Current sticking points, in no particular order:

One DC with confirmed ASC, one with obvious traits but not dx yet
Strongly suspect this has in fact come from me and am considering assessment separately. Obviously there’s then a lot there to unpick
Am convinced husband is depressed. We have had some very frank - very helpful but very, very frank - conversations in the last week. He’s not a danger to himself but it’s provided a new slant on some things
Family/childhood - there is a lot - a lot - to unpick, especially with my sibling and mother. Have relationships with both but the relationships can be difficult, sometimes traumatic. I don’t seem to have made much progress on my own / with friends being able to get to a better place mentally with these and I need to. Deliberately keeping that all vague.

Where the hell do I start with trying to find someone? What am I actually looking for? I don’t think I’d mind if it’s virtual or not.

And then there’s cost. Budget has been one of the main reasons I’ve not let myself look into this til now. But I have to now.

How often do people have sessions?

I know this is a bit of a brain dump and also vague. My head is a bit of a state.

Talk to your GP. NHS might be an option.

Look on Counselling directory website- you can search by location/issue etc. Therapists have profiles you can read and will tell you about how they work. All the therapists on there are accredited by reputable training institutions.
Usually you see someone once weekly.

My DH is a Counsellor. From what I can gather, most people have one session per week, the usual cost is £40-70 per session. If you at something like the BACP site under therapists, it'll give you a list of local ones and you might get a feel from the information they've provided if they could be suitable.

I believe most Counsellors are happy to have an initial free chat with you, so they can assess if they're done the right courses to support you and also for you to get a feel if they are right for you.

I also understand NHS do counselling sessions, but it's a limited number. Often DH will get people come to him who've had NHS counselling feeling worse than when they started - basically the first few sessions are like opening up a can of worms, but you need the extra sessions to help process that and your Counsellor can then give you ways of learning how to cope.

Hope you get the support you need, and you feel happier about things soon.

I would go private - the wait for therapy on the NHS is way too long.

I’m also in the process of looking for a therapist and have just been asking close friends/family that I know have had therapy for their recommendations. I am fully expecting to have to try a few before I find the one that ‘sticks’!

If you are in local Facebook groups you could ask for recs using the anonymous posting mode? I know it’s probably not the conventional way to do it but there’s just something nice about word of mouth.

Once a week is probably helpful. Could do fortnightly.
current prices are £50-60 per session (hour) but some therapists will offer a student rate for less, eg £40

Have a look on the counselling directory website. You can search by area and each therapist lists their qualifications, specialisms and prices. Email a few explaining your concerns and how they may work with you.
Remember, you won’t like every therapist and for it to work you need to be able to build a good relationship. That’s why contacting a few different therapists is helpful.

Every podcast I listen to advertises betterhelp.com. I've never used them but might be worth a look and there's a discount code usually linked to the pod

Brilliant advice as usual. Thank you all. Will spend tonight following up on some of these. I need to bite the bullet.

The NHS lists plus the ‘can of worms’ with limited sessions is why I think private is the only real option. I don’t think I’m going to stretch to weekly right now either time or money, but fortnightly would be doable.

Around £60-70 per hour in our area and looked on the BACP to find one.

I think frequency depends on the type of therapy you are having. Psychotherapy can be a few times a week.

You can also find low cost therapy in your area by googling.