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Original poster

Changing for PE year 4

52 replies

HowAboutTheLittleSpoon · 04/09/2023 16:27

DD has started year 4 today, age 8. Over the summer I've noticed she's started puberty, everything but periods. Obviously she's quite young, but also quite a shy, reserved child and often talks about a group of "silly boys" in her class (same class as last year). At her school they still change together in the classroom, I've approached her teacher this afternoon to see about the possibility of the girls and boys splitting up to change/wearing their kit to school on PE days but she says no to both.

Can I ask what your children's schools do around a similar age please?

OP posts:
FofB · 04/09/2023 17:15

I don't think you are being unreasonable. Girls should be allowed to have privacy, if they wish. When my daughter was in Yr 4, the boys changed in the cloakroom and the girls had one side of the classroom, away from the window.

Ohhelpicantthinkofaname · 04/09/2023 17:18

Our primary separated from y5 but I think even from y3 it was boys one side of the class and girls the other to give a bit of privacy.

Dolores87 · 04/09/2023 17:20

I would talk to the head and I'd that fails I would take it to the school governors. My daughter also started puberty at 8 and I think changing around boys at school would be inappropriate now.

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MMorales · 04/09/2023 17:20

Our school have PE day. So no changing in school

teachername · 04/09/2023 17:29

We still have kids wear PE kit to school which works for us. If there are no other staff to supervise changing (or space available) if boys/girls change separately then that may be the reason why.

I would ask the teacher how they could support your child in this and put it back to them to solve.

This is something that is happening more, younger and younger kids embarrassed by their bodies and far more self conscious, but that's the way of our society now, so best to ask them to support her regarding this.

Bingus · 04/09/2023 17:32

DS is in year 5 and they now go to school in their kits on PE days.

I would not be happy with the teacher's response. Some girls start their periods early, and I absolutely would not be happy about my DD having to change in front of boys when they were on their period, I can't think of anything more embarrassing for them.

GigiAnnna · 04/09/2023 17:34

From year 3 they go into school wearing their kit and wear it all day ( twice a week). I disagree with them not separating until year 6. My daughter is going into year 5 and is not far off starting periods and wears a crop top. At school myself, it was mixed changing all the way through primary ( separate for swimming) and I remember feeling self conscious in front of boys from around year 4 onwards.

Crumbcatcher · 04/09/2023 17:41

They get a lot more sport time by going to school in PE kits!

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 04/09/2023 17:46

Year 6 is far too late to be changing separately, good grief, don't let this go OP, girls can start their periods at 8/9 these days.

OrangeBlossom28 · 04/09/2023 17:55

I teach Y4 (in a first school so they move to the next school for Y5) and we have the girls and boys changing in separate classrooms. I'm very conscious that it needs to be this way to avoid any of the chn feeling uncomfortable.

CurlewKate · 04/09/2023 17:57

Check out the 427 threads about there being no problem at all with boys using the women's changing room at the swimming pool, and children never notice these things!

RandomMess · 04/09/2023 18:08

What have they already been taught in PHSE & sex Ed.

Does it tally up what they are taught versus what they are asked to do? Could be a good angle to raise with the governers.

ChuckMater · 04/09/2023 18:19

My son's school wear p.e kit on p.e days. If they're at a sporty afterschool club they wear the p.e kit all day too. They said its to reduce lost property but it also avoids situations like this too.

Etherealcelestialbeing · 04/09/2023 18:26

I think you should put your concerns in writing to the headteacher. You have approached the teacher and she has not attempted to find a solution or work with your daughter, just a flat no.

In my school, we change the children separately from Y4 upwards. How can we not when we are teaching them about consent and having respect for one another.

One reason for not allowing PE kit all day is that some schools see a decline in behaviour. Here, we struggle with children turning up in all sorts of inappropriate clothing that they then have to wear all day. Yes we have tried to tackle it with parents but with little success!

The current policy could be down to staffing or timetables but that's not your problem, make it the Heads!

Original poster
HowAboutTheLittleSpoon · 04/09/2023 18:53

Thank you for all the advice/suggestions. I'm going to talk to another teacher about it, we currently are in-between heads and the acting head is working at a couple of schools I think. So I'll find out who is deputy head at the moment or possibly speak to the safeguarding lead?

I actually don't know what they have been taught in pshe etc, nothing as far as I know? But at home we are really pushing privacy as she is often in her own little world, she has 2 brothers. I'm concerned she will start her periods sooner then expected and I absolutely do not want her changing with the boys when she does in case of leaks etc. She is a very young 8.

Also thanks for pointing out why coming in PE kit is an issue, that is understandable. I know teachers are busy and it's a hard job with little staff, so I don't want to be "that parent" but I also want DD to be comfortable. I remember getting changed in the toilets in primary school, I think I was older then DD but I also don't think I started puberty at 8.

OP posts:
Favouritefruits · 04/09/2023 18:58

I think that’s awful they make the children change together, how embarrassing for both sexes! I’d complain I thought most school these days (my kids schools, nieces and nephews schools anyway) made children come to school in their PE kit to save this kind of thing! I’d be making a complaint about this even to the governors!

InterFactual · 04/09/2023 19:06

When my daughter was in year 3 she asked to change separately because the boys kept pointing and laughing at her "boobs". She hadn't really developed yet but for some reason they became obsessed with it. The teacher refused and no amount of complaining got me anywhere. She wore vests until it got too hot and then I bought XL polo tops so they were baggy enough to change underneath of.

She no longer has to change for PE, they simply go in their PE kit on their designated days. But I have heard of people using those large changing robe towel things that you use for changing on the beach. Some of the microfibre ones fold down really small so they can easily fit in a kit bag.

I agree the school should separate them but it seems they aren't willing to accept how it makes girls feel.

InterFactual · 04/09/2023 19:09

@HowAboutTheLittleSpoon when you talk to the school can you refer to the safeguarding lessons they teach the kids? Have they been given the 'PANTS' lesson? It seems incompatible to teach kids about body autonomy and then dictate that others can be allowed to stare at your body. If you discuss the mixed messages it gives then they might see your side.

From the NSPCC Pants rule:

No one should ever make you do things that make you feel embarrassed or uncomfortable. If someone asks to see, or tries to touch you, underneath your underwear, say 'NO' – and tell someone you trust and like to speak to.

Needmorelego · 04/09/2023 19:10

To be honest it's not just the girls who hate this. I used to help out on the class swimming lessons (which were in Year 4). It was separate changing rooms but there was no male teachers so the boys had to have a female teacher supervising. There was a lot of "Eww gross....Miss saw your willy" that you could hear from the boys changing room.

supermamio · 04/09/2023 19:11

Only ks1 in our school get changed for pe. Ks2 go to school in pe kit on specified days.

soundsys · 04/09/2023 19:12

I'd just send her in PE kit to be honest! How formal is the usual uniform? Ie could she go in leggings/polo shirt which is uniform but also I'm for PE, or does she have to change?

(I have a Y4 and she wouldn't be happy getting changed in front of everyone - luckily they go in PE kit on PE days.)

Saschka · 04/09/2023 19:20

Ours are the opposite way around! Because KS1 and EY are sooo slow at changing (and may need help in nursery/Reception).

KS2 have to change, or they are sitting around in sweaty clothes all day.

literalviolence · 04/09/2023 19:26

Your daughter should not have to wear a vest in a heatwave to change with some dignity.

elliejjtiny · 04/09/2023 19:28

My dc's go to school in their pe kit on pe days through primary school. When I was in primary school we were allowed to change separately from year 4 "if we were sensible" because the teacher couldn't be supervising us all at once if we were in separate places.

Original poster
HowAboutTheLittleSpoon · 04/09/2023 19:32

@InterFactual that's so sad for your daughter.

She really does have to change for PE, uniform is shirts/ties/school skirts/trousers or dresses.

School definitely aren't concerned about sweaty clothes as they are expected to leave their PE kits in school from now until half term. She will have swimming at some point this year but they wear their costumes to school and the local leisure centre has a unisex area that only has cubicles, no open plan changing at all, so she'll be fine there.

OP posts:
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