Medical trauma

[Ruminate2much]

A few weeks ago I had an accident, and was taken by kind strangers to A&E. I usually avoid medical stuff like the plague (quite phobic) but was in shock, so didn't argue.
I had a lot of facial injuries and was covered in blood, so it was scary, but they, understandably, were more worried about internal injuries and said I needed a full body CT scan. I actually knew I didn't. I instinctively knew it, but I couldn't remember the few seconds of the accident, so they totally understandably insisted.
Anyway, meanwhile nobody was cleaning my face. I was in total shock, so didn't know who to ask. I was bleeding and desperately wanted the wounds cleaned and dressed. I didn't think I'd need stitches. But anyway, eventually, after the scan results a doctor came to look at my face and said I'd be referred to Maxillofacial for sutures. I was terrified then. I'm not hugely vain, but wanted to look like myself, and he made it sound so serious. I hated the thought of stitches on my face, so asked if they could just glue the wounds in A&E; but they were very reluctant and said it could lead to scarring; so I just thought I'd have to do what he said.
The thing is that he assessed the wounds before they'd been cleaned; and they looked a lot worse. A friend gave me a lift to the maxillofacial place miles away, as no room locally. The following morning, and I'd had the wounds dressed, but not properly cleaned, all night. I was scared to touch.
I was so upset at the idea of stitches in my face due to pre-existing mental health challenges. So was totally away with the fairies.
By then I was swollen and looked much worse.
Anyway, once in, I actually asked if I could have steri-strips instead, and he initially said yes. I explained that stitches would traumatise me for various reasons.
Well, somehow or other, I got talked into it. But actually, after the stitches were done, I realised the deep wounds weren't nearly as big as I thought. I honestly wouldn't have consented if I'd known. I'd have risked little scars. The stitches under my nose got badly infected. They weren't put in till 25 hours after the accident, and I think that's why. I now have a lot of stiff uncomfortable scar tissue, and have found the whole episode very upsetting
Some of the stitches were on my forehead, which is really weird, as most people just get steri-strips there, which I'd have far preferred. So I'm puzzled and upset. They said the little stitches they do would be less likely to cause scarring, but honestly the wound was so small that I don't think it needed that.
I'm so upset with myself for not being clearer. I worried about scars at the time; but now realise I'm much more worried about the feeling of violation.
I also had stitches inside my mouth, and it doesn't feel right, and I'm not sure it was needed at all. I'm actually almost feeling suicidal due to the episode. I'm so traumatised by it. It probably wouldn't traumatise most people, but I'm quite medically phobic, and so upset that I didn't completely refuse stitches. They said it'd be my best chance to avoid scars, and I guess I was a bit scared and gave in. The rest of my face healed beautifully very quickly, which confirms that I didn't need all that intervention. I just feel devastated by it all. I close my eyes and it's all I see. Does it sound like medical trauma? Is there any help available for it?

Thank you. I know what you mean. Though the wounds were small. Another thing that upsets me is that my nose is slightly to an angle now at the bottom, I think due to the stitches rather than the accident, as they stitched my philtrum up to my nose. Only I could notice it, but it's upsetting. Hopefully it will settle back to normal in time

The face wounds weren’t the potential life threatening ones, so they will have been pushed down the list of priorities until they knew you didn’t have internal injuries such as bleeding.

I know. I totally understand that. I actually felt very guilty about the CT scan when the NHS is so stretched. I could tell I didn't have internal injuries. But I was in too much shock to properly explain

I think my main source of trauma is that I'd never have consented to medical treatment unless I'd thought it was a huge unavoidable thing, which I now don't think at all. I think the wounds honestly would have been fine with steri-strips or nothing. I really do. Given the situation again, I'd definitely just go with that. I myself thought the wounds were way bigger

In March my son seriously self harmed; he was having a major mental health breakdown. He also had to have surgery from the max fax surgeon. The wounds actually didn't look that bad, to me as a non professional, but they were very serious according to the surgeon. Please try to understand that the HCPs were actually thinking of you and the severity of your injuries, they did need to check that you had no 'hidden' injuries before they started on the more obvious ones and they have done their very best for you.The physical scars will fade and will heal due to the treatment you have had.In the meantime,maybe you need to talk this through and your GP might be a good place to start.

@loislovesstewie I'm so sorry to hear about your son. Poor him, poor you. I hope he's in a better place

If the wounds were deep and affected tissue below, even if superficially small, the fuller assessment and stitches would be necessary.

What you have to remember as well is that it's exceptionally difficult to keep your face still. Steristrips are more likely to give a little than stitches, resulting in wider scarring.

I've had wounds glued and stitched over the years, mostly as a child and the ones that scarred were the glued or left alone ones. The only stitches that have scarred are on a wound that runs the entire length of my calf. And even then the marks from the stitches have gone. It's just the wound itself.

From what everyone on this thread has been saying, as well as the doctors who saw to you, your wounds would not have been fine with just steri strips. They needed stitching. Maybe you’d have recovered ok with steri strips but you’d likely have a lot more scarring. A wound that heals well and is held together well should have less future complication as well. You haven’t got any good reason to think they’d have been fine - it’s more driven by your wish to have had no intervention I think. I don’t think you can trust your instincts on this one given your phobia. You need to be honest with yourself and say “I’d rather have had a lot of scarring and a likely poor recovery, than medical intervention”. Don’t kid yourself. (I don’t mean to sound harsh, I do sympathise a lot, but the next time you avoid medical intervention it could be a lot more serious for you).

I mean this kindly but you're not in a position to say what treatment your wounds did or didn't need, that's what the medical professionals are for. You've experienced a shock and that may take some time to get over.

I hope you feel better soon 💐

You need to be getting urgent mental help, not posting on MN. You were treated completely appropriately, if you didn’t need stitches you wouldn’t have them. Simple.

Max fax prefer to do stitches on faces as the wound can be properly closed and minimise scarring. I'm sorry you are upset by it. But I think you were treated appropriately.

You're right that I'd have preferred more scarring to the medical intervention. I was thinking that very thing earlier. I realise that puts me in a tiny minority.
I actually was worried about scarring at the time, in my shock; but I've since realised that's a secondary concern for me.
I actually feel guilty that a temporary fear of scarring led me to agree to something that was bad for me in other ways. But maybe a desire to minimise scarring is natural, whereas my desire now to not have been tampered with is less normal, I don't know?
It sounds weird but I feel very guilty about having gone along with the treatment. I feel like I failed my true self, and the things I usually hold dear.
It's amazing how shock and trauma changes your perspective, albeit temporarily...

I think I do need help with it, yes. I actually don't know what I'd do if I ever had a serious illness or something. I don't think I'd cope at all. Maybe I should address the issue...

I agree. What you hold dear sounds like it has the potential to be very destructive for you. Please look after yourself and allow others to help too xx